Change is Coming

Monday, November 18, 2013

A month from Wednesday will be my last day at Capella. Unfortunately, in this moment, typing that doesn't send me into unfettered leaps of joy like I've imagined ever since I allowed myself to dream of it. Buying this house, well, it completely changed the landscape of my self-employment, by chunking off a significant amount of savings.

Couple that with the fact that I've hit a definite lull in inquiries and bookings, peppered with several "You're out of our budget responses [even though my pricing is posted on my site!] and I'm feeling scared.

Naturally, instead of buckling down on our budget, I feel like Tony and I are doing a yo-yo diet approach. I'll try to do a spending freeze and then, it's like my only thought process is "all the monies will be gone, so spend now! Spend!" Super healthy, clearly.

I haven't been great at blogging this year, either personally or professionally, so I hope that with an increase in both, I'll start to see somethings pick up!

I hope.

On the flip side, it seems like the perfect storm to actually crack self-reliance, because you'll note, no where above did I write "so I've been praying without ceasing that God will guide our decisions." Instead, I wrote out and glazed over how I think I'll fix it.


Gina Horkey said...

You did come to that realization ultimately though:-) He'll provide what you need; he always does! Like renters, 'member? I've been having a hard time with the monetary faith lately too (so you're not alone) with the hubs shifting to being a stay-at-home dad and me shopping all fresh & organic (which really is more $$, but better for us, right??). This weekend the hubs will go away and work to bring in some extra $ leaving us alone, but it's one way God's providing! You do BEAUTIFUL work and the bookings will come! Be still and patient (easier said then done I understand!). Congrats on your self-employment!!

Kier said...

I can kind of understand how you are feeling! I have just a few weeks left (I think - the date keeps changing), and instead of super excited about what lies next, all I can think about is, what the heck am I doing?!

Although since the house hasn't sold, we are about to implement plan F - beg for some sort of job and stay put until we are free of the house. I hate to dig in to our savings just to make do.

Meredith said...

I understand so much of this Leah.

Do you feel like God is still calling you to stay home? If so, HE'S GOT YOU, friend.

Over the past couple of years, there have been months where I've sat looking at our budget wanting to cry, and trying to get out and book sessions and hustle and fix it all so we could breathe easier. My plans to fix it all almost never end up working out. BUT, I have been so blessed over the past couple of years to see again and again the ways that God provided abundantly for our needs, just in time, in just the right way.

When God is calling you to do, he WILL provide. Not always in the ways that we expect, but faithfully.

{This trust thing is STILL a daily battle for me, lest you think I've got it handled!}

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