Matter of Survival

This year will undoubtedly be my fewest posts yet. It makes me unbelievably sad to know that I've let too many memories to count slip through the cracks. Too often I look back through the archives of this blog and discover a story, quote, picture, or all of the above, that had completely vanished from my memory.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to do better.

That I'm going to hop right back onto this blogging horse, that I've ridden for 6 years now  [woah], but it just hasn't happened. Worse yet, I'm not even continuing the pace with instagram. These days are just flying by, without much meat to them.

It's hard to remember the days when not much is happening but survival.

Since starting my photography business, I've heard at least once a week, "I don't know how you do it." With a laugh, I always say that I don't know either.

And I really don't know.

This year, it's only too clear that something must change. There is no feasible way that I could continue to work full time, run my business, mother three children and somewhere in there live a life of meaning as a wife and Christian.

I'm treading water, but that's not the life God intended for me, or our family.

Every year I try to learn something from the current wedding season to implement a positive change for the next wedding season. With this in mind, I've framed my wedding season into two chunks, with a summer and fall season, leaving three weekends open in August. Or, I should say, leaving three Saturday's without a wedding. This past weekend was my first weekend "off," and I somehow threw in two three hour newborn sessions, a 6 month session and a birth. I'm so thankful these babies were all born when they were!

Next year I'll be stressed about my kids being crazy and needing a break from them, hah! There's just this one last hurrah of wedding season 2013 to put past me/us.  

Planes

Ever since Isaac watched Cars 2 and he watched the trailer for Planes, we've talked about it being the first movie we'd take him to in the theater. It was supposed to come out Spring 2013, so we thought it'd be around his birthday. We didn't anticipate him almost being 4 1/2 before his first movie, but seeing as how it didn't actually come out until August, that's just how it worked.

Thankfully the delay didn't lessen his excitement!

We dropped Miri and Ezra off at my inlaws and then took Isaac out for dinner. I don't remember the last time he alone spent time with both of us. It was so much fun to just goof with him!

We got you the biggest popcorn and even let you down a pop!


Watching you experience the big screen for the first time was something I'll always remember. The movie was alright enough, but being able to hug you through it all was the best.

You told us it was the "best day ever" after we left the theater and we were so happy to hear those words!

Miriam: four months

Little Miss Miri, you are still a peanut, weighing in at 12lbs and 9oz. Additionally, you are still the queen of smiles. So often we hear how sweet natured you are and we couldn't agree more!













You're now a great giggler and barrel roll from your back to tummy and vice versa. You love to sleep on your side and are captivated by your brothers.

Next Year

Tony and  I have been talking a lot about next year. With my intention to focus solely on photography and our housing situation, there's been a lot to mull over.

Life in it's current state with housing, employment and monies are just fine. After several years of hard work, we've gotten to point where we aren't struggling. We're not afraid of either of us being laid off or anything remotely similar . . . and yet, very soon, we're going to choose to put ourselves into a potentially scary situation.

I really do try not to worry, but I as my mother's daughter, I think I caught it from her.

At this point, I have five 2014 weddings booked, with 3 consults on the books. I'm receiving inquiries for March, April and May, in addition to already booking a May wedding. With Spring weddings usually low volume comparatively, I can't help but feel like it might be an example of God's favor and confirmation that we're moving in the right direction.

Regardless, I keep getting to the verge of having a mini breakdown, because let's be honest, sometimes it just feels right to freak out. That's when I very plainly hear "It will be okay."

This my friends is not my normal self-talk. With so many messages vying for my attention from the world, my family and myself, I know it's God.

I'll admit, that I still use this as an opportunity to worry, because God's idea and my idea of "okay" could vastly differ. God's "okay" could mean letting me fail to keep me humble, while mine would obviously completely skip any painful life lessons. Hah!

So did you catch that? I'm hopeful, but worried, especially about feeling hopeful that God's actually blessing this decision. How's that for contradictory feelings?

And then there's the whole housing situation. With a small two bedroom house, we know we have a move on the horizon . . . we just don't know if that's this fall, next spring or in 5 years. Whether we should try to rent our house or sell it, for us to either rent a house or buy one is also completely up in the air.

I've been praying that Tony receive direction from God, as the head of our house, because I don't want to be in a similar situation as we found ourselves when buying our house. We were completely bullheaded and just did it, without much time to consider it and absolutely no prayer. '

I'd definitely appreciate prayer in these matters for us as well! The biggest issue being complacency, as we have a roof over our heads and aren't sure we should be in any hurry to change it.

Doing Life

Tony and I went out on our first date since Miri was born, on Monday, to celebrate our anniversary. Prior to her birth, I can't even remember our last date the two of us, so it was well over due.

To surprise me, Tony borrowed my Mom's convertible and we made our way down to Lake Minnetonka, thankfully avoiding most of rush hour, to just enjoy the drive. We had a great meal and eventually found ourselves talking about our ex's and what we would do if anything happened to our children.

Not your average anniversary conversation fodder.

While there are several ex boyfriends/girlfriends in our past, for each of us there is one significant one. Mine is getting married, soon, I think. I guess I don't know when exactly and for some reason has been on my mind lately. Tony's ex expressed to him a concern that if they continued their relationship, they'd end up divorced, just like her parents . . . and has since, found herself divorced, just like her parents. These two relationships occurred at almost the same time in our lives and what we found so shockingly simple and true, was that we can't remember what specifically was good about them. We don't remember what made us good couples at the time, other than just at the base enjoying the other person. We don't remember many conversations, activities or really anything.

There was something entirely refreshing to acknowledge that.

It gave all the more power another simple acknowledgement, that Tony and I do life well together.

So often, I take our relationship for granted. So often.

I don't love Tony any less when I do, but I absolutely take for granted just how special it is to truly have a committed partner to face all that life has to throw at us. But more than that, what I wrote on Monday, that Tony has never once acted in a way that has made me doubt his love for me.

Yes, we absolutely get in ruts and doing life gets extremely repetitive, but we have each other to do it with and that makes all the difference.

Woah.

One year ago, I found out that I was pregnant for the 4th time.


I was uncertain of so many things, and even in the above post, I began the back and forth struggle of truly knowing what sex we hoped for.

It's so surreal to know that the very beginning cells of Miriam had already divided millions of times to form her, our sweet baby girl.

Seven years.

I could have never imagined as a bright eyed, young bride of 22 what my life would look like 7 years later.

Tony and I were relatively quick to marry, just a little over a year and a half after we met online. Thankfully, what we saw in each other then was correctly assumed. The many good characteristics Tony told me of himself and the numerous ones I saw in him, have only grown stronger in our years together.

I think about our crazy life together like two people holding hands twirling. Seriously, go there with me for a second. With our hands clasped and our feet moving, we can be in complete unison, just along for the ride, with the trees and warm sunshine a happy blur. Sometimes, one of us will misstep though. Our hands can remain clasped, but it's a little jerky getting back into rhythm. Jerky, but not impossible. [it's a dorky analogy, but I like it]

Mr. Fontaine, there's no one else I'd do life with.

No one.

Thank you for being a man of integrity, who wants nothing more than to be a Godly example to his children and wife. I'll thank you for it now, they will thank you for it later.

If there was one thing I could say to summarize your devotion as a husband, it is this; there has not been a minute in any single hour I have been your wife that I have ever doubted your love for me.