For the past 12 weeks, I have been living a trial run at what we hope our lives will be next summer. I've been there when my children have woken up, as well as when they've gone to sleep. I've been able to make special memories with them, as well as just sit in the stillness of a post nap cuddle.
I've been able to be there, in our home.
For the past 5 weeks, I traded one day of being out of the house working for 6 days at home. I've learned so much about myself in these past 5 weeks. I've made realizations that will hopefully translate to a better homelife next wedding season, you know, when I'm doing this full time [gulp].
Four years ago, I went back to work when Isaac was 7 weeks old. It was not a pretty scene. Growing up watching kids go to daycare and Moms go to work, I thought I understood how it worked. My expectations of motherhood however were wildly off base and I wasn't prepared, in the least, to return to work. I latched onto the idea of a photography business and clung to it, desperately as my hope for a different life.
Four years later, with God's blessing and provisional hand, we're almost there.
Today is amazingly difficult, but I have faith.
The gig is up, for now.