Post Partum

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Let's call this my before picture. Baby girl is now 4 weeks old and I'm ready to feel strong and comfortable in my body again! I've started running and alternating with the 30 Day Shred. I know the scale pales in comparison to how I actually feel, but I'm
For the third time, I am in the position to lose the baby weight. Let me be the first to say, it is definitely a blessing! I would put on 100+ pounds if it meant being able to carry and birth a healthy child. Thankfully, it hasn't taken 100+, but with both boys it was just over 30+ and with Miriam 23 pounds. It was incredible to me that I gained almost 1/3 less with her pregnancy, as I thought I was healthy with both boys, but in changing my diet and staying active, it definitely showed what my body preferred. I felt amazing! And to be honest, I was a little over eager in assuming my weight loss would be just as smooth as my weight gain.

But it hasn't.

And I get it, no one wants to hear me complain about losing weight. Everyone tells me that it's only been six weeks. That I'm too hard on myself. Even that I need to watch the example I establish for my daughter. That I disrespect my body, which has been the vessel for three beautiful children.

It's just that I don't care if it's only been six weeks. I feel healthy. I feel ready. I am hard on myself and I know that, but if we don't establish high expectations for ourselves we'll settle for just about anything else. I welcomed being chastised about being my daughter's role model, because body image is definitely something to be conscious of and cultivate. I would not want to hinder Miriam's perception of herself, but I do want to exemplify strength to her!

I went shopping yesterday and couldn't find anything. And I do mean anything. I wasn't looking for cuts and styles that could maybe work until I lose the weight and then fit a smaller body. I was specifically looking for forgiving cuts, favorite colors and had no problem grabbing bigger sizes. As I commiserated with my friend Ashley, unfortunately there just isn't room in the budget for an all new post partum wardrobe, but one outfit? One outfit to feel confident, comfortable and a smidgen of pretty? Why does that have to be darn near impossible?

It's just highly irritating that I can't seem to voice this frustration without a pat on the head or an admonition. It's not like I expect to suddenly have a lithe body. I never have. I do however expect that if I'm putting the work in that I'll see a slight change, somewhere! Additionally, I'm just looking for one outfit that I feel comfortable in that doesn't involve an elastic waist band.
Big fat goose egg, strike out on my first post partum shopping trip. I hate when shopping isn't fun, especially when deals are to be had.
 

9 comments:

Gina said...

I get it! I can't wait to lose the baby weight (and I've still got a few weeks before baby comes;-). It's about feeling like myself again & being able to push my body and for me making progress towards this goal gives me a sense of accomplishment. Plus, I want to feel pretty again too! Voice it! It doesn't help that we're supposedly heading into summer here in MN & less layers to hide behind...

Molly said...

Postpartum is such a difficult time. I mean, the hormones are still wonky! I have a feeling with your diet and exercise you'll be back to your old size in no time.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

Let me just say, hallelujah, amen. I SO KNOW what you mean. You know your body, right? And as long as you're being healthy and know your goals aren't unrealistic then I think it's FINE and it's often just irritating when people say "but you jusssst had a baby". Yes, I know I just had a baby, but I'm working hard, darn it. Just having gone through this for the 2nd time, I definitely get it. Having a healthy second pregnancy made all the difference in the world for me and I even got out there running at 4 weeks pp. Still took a good 6 months to look (my definition) of good again. It feels soooo long, but in the end, it's a short time.

You're doing awesome, and I just want you to know that ;)

jennafschoen said...

Leah. Please know that your thoughts are shared with so many women. I, too, have 3 little ones. Ages 3 and under. After my last pregnancy, I felt so awful about myself. Even now, my son is 9 months old, I still struggle with my "new" body. Stuff doesn't fit right and I find myself covering up rather than embracing my new shape -- wider hips and bigger bust. It's tough and to be honest, I detest it when people say "You look great for having 3 children." Just tell me that I look great -- it would be such a boost of confidence.

Please keep your mind positive and not let those doubts get in the way. You are doing so great and I love reading you blog. It truly make my heart happy to know that someone else out there experiences the same craziness and house full of blessings that I do. Sending you lots of hugs and imaginary skinny jeans!

Sarah said...

I found myself nodding pretty much the whole time I was reading this! 3 years since I've had the girls, and even though I feel like I am working my booty off, I am just not seeing much change. Shopping is a disaster and I could scream. I know my body carried 16 lbs of baby at one time, and that alone was a miracle. But I want my old body back! Or at least some resemblance of my pre-baby body.

I do think you look fabulous though!

Kristal said...

I totally get it. No chastisement from me.

But? I love me a good elastic waistband, post partum or not. :)

Andrea said...

Raising hand. Here too. I know the feeling. I love what Katie said - "You know your body, right? And as long as you're being healthy and know your goals aren't unrealistic then I think it's FINE and it's often just irritating when people say "but you jusssst had a baby"."

You'll do it. Stick with what you're doing and remember how your bounced back with your boys. It will happen. But feel free to vent in the mean time ;)

Meredith said...

I'm right there with you. And I get that its important to try and be conscious of how our daughters hear us speak about our bodies BUT... if I feel like I'm stuck in someone else's body (which I still totally do, and it sucks), I also think it's okay for them to see their moms working to change that. And it's okay for them to hear us be frustrated sometimes, I think. Pretending that weight (even pregnancy weight) just melts off quickly and easily doesn't do anyone any good either...

Kelly Fleming said...

I can honestly say that I really understand your post. I was you just one year ago. I had had baby number three..hadn't gained as much as with the other two..felt energized and ready to work out...but also felt bummed that NOTHING fit. Nothing. All I can say-and I'm sure you already know this-is time. Now, a year later, I feel like I am at my healthiest..and strongest ever! Maybe it is because I am carrying around a 25lb baby boy..but still :) You will be back to your happy place soon...and you will look at how much your gorgeous girl has grown and wonder how it all happened so fast!
I don't know you personally-but I love your blog and I think your doing awesome. Props to you mama!!

 

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