19 weeks | Baby Sweets

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Last week in non-maternity jeans. Blech. #19weeks #baby3 #babybump #babysweets #pregnancy
 
How far along: 19 weeks. [19 with Ezra19 with Isaac]

How big is baby: A mango at 6 inches. A half a foot! Vernix caseosa is now coating my baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. 

Weight gain/loss: I had a slight loss between my emotional eating and ridiculous amount of food consumed this past weekend, and I'm still holding out at 5lbs.

Stretch marks: After two pregnancies, I somehow still don't have any. 

Sleep: I haven't been able to sleep really deep lately and I hate it.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: This isn't a fish for compliments. Truly truly. We ate out for 4 days. Blech. I feel so gross and while I fully intended to indulge Thanksgiving, I just don't have it in me. I've never felt less attractive in my life right now and just a big old pregnant blob. I really can't seem to sum up just how disgusting I feel right now. And the worst part is that while yes, I lived it up a little bit, it's not like I'm having a fun warm-brownie-with-caramel-ice-cream craving that I give into nightly. This is just how awful I feel and I'm not even taking advantage of being pregnant. It makes me so frustrated. And you'd think that by the 3rd little one that I'd better come to terms with that fact that I'm going to feel like this.

Movement: Almost daily flutters, but still nothing certain or more frequent.

What I'm worrying about: Honestly, I'm worried about what my true reaction may be to finding out that we're having our third boy. I just do not think we can afford a 4th child [to try for a girl, as everyone and their brother is already suggesting] and further yet, I truly think I only want three children. Tony and I are pretty certain that we're Team Blue for a 3rd time and on paper, I'm fine with it. I just hope that the moment it's realized, I really really am. It's only been a recent divergence to wish for a daughter, so a part of me feels like it wouldn't even be right for me to be given a daughter, as it hasn't been my lifelong desire. Also, fun fact, everyone loves to state that it's a 50/50 shot, but in the US the stats are actually 51/49 boy/girl. And once you have two of the same sex, the stats favor that you'll continue the trend, not that you're "due" to break it.

What I'm loving: Being pregnant.

Symptoms: Fat, fat, fatness. Can you tell I just came back from trying to find a pair of maternity jeans at Target? With Isaac I had one pair of maternity jeans, with Ezra, I had two. Unfortunately the pair I loved is currently sporting a 5 inch hole on the seam of the jeans and panel, leaving them unwearable. I've been getting by with regular jeans, but just can't bring myself to squeeze into them any longer. I got a steal of a pair from Old Navy a few weeks back, but ordered a size too big . . . and then they accidentally ended up in the wash, so I'm unable to return or exchange them. :(

What I'm looking forward to: Thanksgiving! Sweet babies to photograph! Our ultrasound on Monday!

Best moment of the week: Watching my brother vow his heart, his life, his everything to his bride.

9 comments:

Maria said...

I think you look gorgeous! And by the way it doesn't look like you gained a pound! You are beautiful! One more thing... your package is in the mail:)

XOXO

Erin said...

Oh Leah! I know how you feel, but do know that you LOOK amazing, even if you don't feel it. Good luck with the ultrasound - I can't wait to hear, either way!

Kristal said...

I know you may not feel it, but you look beautiful. And I didn't realize you had your ultrasound Monday!! I'm so excited to see your reveal! I will be over the moon for you either way and will be praying your genuine reaction is the same. I really wanted a girl this time, and I think as a defense mechanism, I'd convinced myself we were having a boy. I was ESTATIC that Miriam was a girl and I know my reaction wouldn't have been as great had she been a boy. I would have been happy, but not thrilled. However, 8 weeks later, with time to process everything, I can confidently say I would have been truly happy either way, even if my initial reaction may not have shown it. So if its a boy and your reaction isn't what you hoped, just know it won't determine your feelings toward your new little man.

knmadden said...

I am not sure this will make you feel any better - but seriously, you are tiny! By 19 weeks I had already gained almost 20 lbs - with both my babies! You have to gain weight - its whats good for that little one in you :)

Lindsay R said...

You look great! I love how honest you are, with both yourself and your readers! It's appreciated, trust me. :) Good luck at your u/s Monday!

Ps: I also have 2 children (1& 2) and you've given me terrible baby fever!

Stephanie Lutostanski said...

It's so strange. I've read your blog for a while now (we had our last babies at the same time) and I feel like I've got someone reading my mind. I had a blob week just like you described last week and it was awful. Hopefully your spirits are lifted soon. Thinking of you!

Julia said...

oh mama---I LOVE being pregnant but being on the other side of it is seriously so wonderful, too. I remember that feeling very well---just being uncomfortable in my own skin and mad at myself for always 'indulging'. But you know what? Pregnancy is temporary. This feeling of being 'fat' is also temporary. You will get your body back again and have a baby to show for it----that feeling of being in a temporary state of being really helped me get through the days of feeling like a stranger was looking at me in the mirror.

Big hugs, lady.

Ashley | LifeAsAshlet.com said...

You are gorgeous and wonderful, always. I hope thinks perk up in the self-esteem department. You deserve to feel as lovely as you are!!

Laura said...

I felt absolutely awful when we went into the ultrasound expecting GIRL (both of us), and when we found out Gabe was a boy, Jarrod jumped around with Ethan, and I was just ho-hum. My initial reaction was obvious disappointment, as we were leaving and I confessed it to Jarrod and he replied, "I could tell." I. Felt. AWFUL. But everyone was right...the very next day, I had completely "accepted" it and was ecstatic to have another cuddly little blonde BOY. And now? I can't even stand the excitement of seeing Ethan with a brother in the future. As for #3...we always said we wanted 2, but now, of course, we are thinking MAYBE one more...we'll see. :)

At almost 22 weeks, I get the feeling huge...but listen...I'm only 3 weeks ahead of you, and I'm at over double the weight gain you're at! ;) So, that should cheer you up! You look awesome. Can't wait to hear what you're having. Don't kill me, but...I secretly (not so much any more) hope it's a 3rd boy. You are a boy mama, in my book. ;)

 

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