Honesty

Monday, October 29, 2012

 I'm not going to lie, October has been really difficult. My Mom has been taking at least one day off a week, with some forewarning for appointments, and similar for sick days. In addition to that, the boys themselves have had to deal with two bouts of sickness which made them unable to attend daycare, even when my Mom was available.

And that not to mention the fact that despite all my efforts, October was just entirely too busy business-wise. I know, I know, who complains about being busy? Isn't that like looking the proverbial gift horse in the mouth? The issue is though that at least from a family perspective, it's like Fall 2012 didn't happen.

Sure, we were able to go to the apple orchard a few weeks back, but.that.was.it.

There were no fun times in the leaves, no pumpkin patch visits, no delicious treats, bonfires or family walks to the park. We essentially live in Minnesota for the fall and absolutely did not get to enjoy it this year.

I'm really, really, trying to come up with a way to ensure it doesn't happen again next year.

I hear so often "I don't know how you do it." But the truth of the matter is, I don't. I just plain and simple don't. Yes, I try to enjoy the little moments, but all too often, those are the only moments I have. I'm reminded all too often by friends and family that childhood is fleeting and yet, I can't help but feel like I'm missing it.

I know that in just a matter of a week, this stress, this overwhelming feeling of being behind will all but have disappeared as I work through the last bit of photo work. I just can't help but feel, at what cost?

For so long, I did very well in creating boundaries to make sure that my life had some resemblance of balance and I believe that will be one of my foremost tasks this off season to reinstate.

10 comments:

Emily said...

It seems odd, but I can relate, despite not being busy at all. I'm a displaced Minnesotan living in San Diego, and while our weekends have been free, there are no leaves to enjoy and the pumpkin patches/apple orchard adventures have been almost too hot to undertake (not to mention made slightly less enjoyable without the involvement of scarves or Minnesota fall air). So, fall didn't happen here in both a literal and figurative sense for me. It's hard when what happens and what you wanted to happen are two very different things, this I know. I pray that you are able to find some peace, relaxation and joy in perhaps less busy times ahead :-)

Adrienne said...

I love your honesty! I feel the same way about being busy all the time. Like, I should be grateful for all the things that make me busy but sometimes I'm just exhausted.

I try to think, what's the point of making extra money if I don't have time to enjoy it with my family? But, you know, needs are needs. So let me just say, you're not alone in your struggle, others feel the same sometimes, and also, you can do this!

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"

Philippians 4:13

Megan said...

Cohen turning 2 today has been bittersweet as I think how quickly it has passed, each season flies by quicker than the one before and I almost cried this morning watching Toy Story 3, thinking "I am going to blink and the boys will be off to college as well."

Hang in there, friend. To EVERYTHING there is a season. You found the balance before, and I know you'll find it again. Kids are so resilient and are one of the BEST examples of simple grace.

<3

Sara said...

Oh Leah, you hit the nail on the head with this one! I love that your so honest about all of this. This is exactly how I've been feeling lately, as me and my family have done none of the fall fun activities that we usually try to do. It's so hard to balance all of it!

I hope you get to relax and have fun with the late fall/winter fun coming up!

Meredith said...

Just remember that it is a season of life!

And that next year, hopefully you'll be doing photography fulltime...opposed to working fulltime AND doing the equivalent of fulltime photography!

Randi said...

Leah, well I admire you for constantly pursuing your dream and trying to balance a job you don't really love, and then be with your family all at the same time.

I know nobody does it perfect, but you are definetly an inspiration!

Julie S. said...

We didn't do any of that fun stuff either. Just didn't have time. And sometimes I am jealous of those that do it and make it seem so effortless. But, I know that what I am doing is good for my family, too. It's HARD to find that balance!

L.C.C. said...

It's somehow been exactly the same for us. Autumn, despite being our favourite season, has slipped away from us. Determined to make the most of the few weeks of Autumn we hopefully have left!

Erin said...

I was a participant in a few weddings, and just because of that and some other plans, I also felt like we didn't get to enjoy fall at all - no orchard or pumpkin patch here either. So glad your busy season is over so you can enjoy more time with your family, and I hope that next year you are in a very different place!

Julia said...

Hate that you feel this way, Leah. I wish there was an easy answer but I agree with Megan---you found a balance before and you'll find it again.

We didn't do an orchard or pumpkin picking this year either and I'm okay with that, despite missing out on some cute pictures. Enjoy the time you DO have as much as possible---that's all you can do right now .

 

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