Lately, I've been thinking quite a bit about our plan to transition me home. As I've quipped all too often this year, I can no longer say that I will then begin doing photography full time, as I feel like I already am, but to focus solely on photography and my family.
We have two plans, one more accelerated and the other more reasonable, which would get me home either summer 2013 or by the end of the year 2013. This would include photo money and Tony's reffing contributions from his upcoming 2012-2013.
To be honest, even when we are student loan debt free, leaving only our mortgage . . . I've been filled with this overwhelming burden that we won't be able to actually make this happen. We already live pretty frugally, so there isn't much left to cut and looking at everything on paper, I just don't see how we'll be able to afford my quitting plus figuring out how to afford health insurance. We know our expected bills. We know Tony's income. Mine however, big old question mark.
Some may think that my prices are exorbitant, but the reality is that I'm running a business. A business with expenses and taxes! And it's not just simple cut and dried money in the bank. Wouldn't that be nice?
Now Tony, he has not encountered any of this burden . . . even when I try to lay it on him! He thinks that we have time to plan and that we'll adjust as needed. This of course is driving me batty, because how can we plan if we don't put something into motion now?
It's been a daily thought of mine, as my heart hurts so much to occupy this chair at work. Some days I literally feel like the only thing I've accomplished is to be away from my babies [who aren't quite babies] for 10 hours and be compensated for it.
I'm hoping you can pray for me through this time of uncertainty, two things:
1). That we will live a life of reliance on God.
That we will be rid of the self assurance and reliance and to be shaped so that we no longer lean on our own understanding.
2). That I can say this without choking on the words "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Philipians 4:11
I want to be anxious for nothing, but give thanks in all things so that I can know the peace that passes all understanding.
Tony and I have been working so diligently towards this goal, so that I can be in the home and operate my business with my full attention . . . I only hope that it's also God's will for our family.