I'm sitting here at work, feeling completely devastated and defeated and I'm certain it's the Devil stealing my joy from my refinance post.
The day didn't start off this way.
Isaac slept so well last night and woke up just as I was leaving the house. I grabbed him and loved the couple of cuddled minutes we spent as he allowed me to hold him. He told me I looked pretty and I could have nearly skipped to my vehicle, as I thought about how I was going to share the success we've had this week in applying Love and Logic principles at home and how extremely well it's been going for us.
We were going from catastrophic meltdowns nightly to controlled and fun bed time.
But Isaac is continuing to act out at my Mom's, even with the tactics I've shared that are working for us from the book.
This morning she emailed me to question if we've considered my just quitting now.
I've tried to be very honest with my Mom, so that she knows how much we value and appreciate her caring for the boys and how it impacts our financial goals, so I was very surprised she even asked. It's just not an option right now, that's the whole point of paying down our expenses.
She's proceeded to email me throughout the whole day on any given number of things, but largely how much of a toll it is on her to care for Isaac and that she is concerned for his well being. She feels inadequate to care for him, but insists that no one else can take him as she's certain he'd be abused. She's adamant that he's one of the most difficult children she's ever cared for, in her 20 years of experience, with the only comparable being an extremely ADHD child. And she's not the only one, I've had blog friends emailing me questioning if Isaac hasn't been exhibiting behavior disorders.
In my heart of hearts, I think Isaac is just a very verbal three year old challenging authority, but . . .
This of course leaves us with a predicament, as her only proposed solution is that I quit.
And I can't.
To my core, I feel defeated and sick. All this boy needs is me and I can't give him that.
Just pray, because really, that's all that can be done. I don't have all of the answers, but He does.