Yesterday I couldn't shake "the sad." I didn't start out in a sad mood. The sun was even shining! Several little things came up throughout the day though that just kept the spiral plunging.
- I work at a university and it's quarter launch, so we're hopping right now!
- Money talks between Tony and I made me realize that we're not quite as far along as I'd hoped and my hopeful quitting date isn't until somewhere around the end of 2014, when we'll have paid off the last of my student loans.
- Based on our plan for a spring-ish 2013 little one, that meant the realization that once again, I'll be giving up the first few years of my little ones life to the corporate world.
- I saw that a new client who's last words were "See you at 6 months!" went with another photographer who I am friends with . . . and then saw that a friend who scheduled a session is actively trying to schedule a different session with another photographer. This obviously made me feel like crap and question why I'm even considering pursuing photography full time.
- And then, bam, like that a facebook pregnancy announcement, by a friend who's little one shares Ezra's exact birthday. I am nothing but happy for her, but that happiness is absolutely tinged with jealousy. I'm not even sure why, because this is way before our hopeful timeline, and yet, there those feelings are.
You add all of the above components together and you end up with "the sad."
And I couldn't shake it, although singing/shouting praise and worship songs on the way home helped. My plan was to run 4.5 miles when I got home and I was pretty much going all in with my chips that it had to help my mood. The temps were just around 40* and I was a little scared of the wind, but once I got going I knew the endorphins were going to whip me right up into a good mood.
I'm so thankful, it was a fantastic run! I even ended up running a little too far and ended up at 5 miles, with a 9:19/mile pace.
I'm still wrestling with the issues above, but last night, my run, Tony, a good meal and my boys gave me a happy evening.