Thoughts About #3

Thursday, March 8, 2012

How many of you guys did I just give a heart attack thinking you'd missed an update? Rest assured, there is nothing exciting going on in the these parts besides egg salad tooting toddlers and stair climbing infants. Tony can vouch for this lack of excitement and to top it off, I've still got *fingers crossed* another month without ovulating, based on previous experience, so there is no baby making happening.

Now that I've abundantly set the stage . . . I can't stop thinking about baby #3.

I wouldn't say that I've been obsessing, but it'd be close.

I joke that I have my babies on even days and months and odd years, so not to be anti-climatic, but we've got our eyes on another little one in 2013. Suffice it to say, I've got some incredible baby fever to deal with in the mean time.

I'm not sure what the driving force is. I don't doubt that the additional hormones lingering due to nursing look like fantastic culprits, but I've been wondering if it isn't deeper than that as well. I recently completed a course through work, titled Power of Purpose, and while most of the class walked away with startling realizations, I felt like I came in pretty self aware of my purpose. What I didn't anticipate was uncovering the driving force towards my highest priorities: faith, husband and family.


I want to give my children what I didn't have.

I don't ever want them to relive the memory of being passed from one parent to the other, as threats are made to take me and never be seen again.

I don't ever want them to wonder if their Mom and Dad love each other.

I don't ever want them to blame themselves for their parents divorce.

There's a connection here, that I don't quite understand, between having our third, and presumably last child, and finalizing the security that I so crave. Something about knowing the gender and the arrival, of our "complete" family, will let me move forward with protecting this family I'm so blessed to call mine.

So while I spend a lot of time daydreaming whether I'll ever dress my next little one in frills [which is a new desire and total change of heart] or be alone in a testosterone filled house, it's startling to me that I have baby fever mixed in with such odd emotions.

I suppose it would with children of divorce, but does this resonate with any of you?


Adrienne said...

This totally resonates with me. We've been married for 9 months now, and we've both got baby fever like crazy, even though it's not the right time for us just yet. Either way, we are SO eager to move forward with our family :)

Meredith said...

The baby fever? YES MA'AM.

Julia Goolia said...

Baby fever is no freaking joke. You are also really funny with your numbers thing about due dates:) I say that if your family doesn't fully feel 'complete' then you probably do need number three and only you and Tony (and God) know the right timing for this baby.

Don't have the 'fever' here since I'm already knocked up but I do wonder if i'll yearn for a third or not after this. Excited to see a 'real' announcement in a few more months:)

midwesterngal said...

Absolutely! Family is in my top 3 priorities, as well, and part of this is due to my own rocky childhood. There is a security that I want to offer my own (future) children that I didn't have. :)

And I've had baby fever for years...haha. Maybe next year for us!

jen @ homeinthecountry said...

Oh yes - I've got the fever... Kind of.

I find myself strangely jealous of the pregnant women in my life... Yet I am so happy with where our family is now and hesitant to change things too soon...

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I will always have baby fever. Like, permanently, forever and ever, even when I'm old and gray. I love being pregnant so much and I love squishy newborn babies, and I have a really hard time imagining that will ever go away.

I've been trying really hard to enjoy every second of this pregnancy - enjoy it as if it's my last - because you just never know. While we definitely want more kids, I know there is a real possibility that the rest will be added through adoption.

I really can't imagine this being the last time I'm pregnant and would probably beg Chad for more just to experience it again, but I feel like I gotta prepare because who knows?

Also, as a child of divorce, I count myself as INCREDIBLY lucky, because I always felt like my family - my mom, my brother, and I - were a complete family. My dad wasn't involved, so I never felt that pull back and forth, and I always felt completely secure with just us three. Thank God for my mama.

Leslie G said...

Well, I definitely do NOT have baby fever :), but I understand your desire for the feeling and security of a complete family. I feel complete, as a family of four, and I look at Kylie and truly believe she is the piece that makes my heart feel so complete.

Sam said...

I have yet to start any sort of family for myself. And I say "myself" because that is what I have right now. Me. This isn't necessarily a choice, but it's how I've ended up. Still, the desire to have a family complete with a husband and children is definitely there for me. The odd thing is now that I'm in my 29th year, I don't know if that desire is procured purely of my own longing or societal pressure. It's easy for me to get down on myself for seemingly falling behind what I habitually but incorrectly interpret as "everyone else". My mom was 27 when she got married and I couldn't help but feel disappointment this year when I reached 28 and was still single.

But I have to remind myself that she may have been 27 when she was married, but 15 years later she was throwing her clothes and two kids into a car in a frantic move to the next town over.

Your entry does resonate with me even though I am in a completely different stage of my life. I too want my (future) children to have everything I didn't have. I think that's part of the reason why I personally haven't yet been able to settle into the position where I can give that to them.

Thanks for such a great reflection. :)

Bekah said...

To an extent yes. My parents are divorced, and it was messy. Thats putting it nicely, it was bad. But it is something that I am letting go of. I've played the victim for too long, letting it sway my decisions and blaming some of my actions, like not being trusting of my husbands decisions, on the hurt I faced as a child. (Please know that I am NOT putting that in here as a comment about you in any way, this is how I personally let my parents divorce and subsequent marriages/separations continue to cause hurt in my life, and in my marriage.) I spent a lot of time putting very unrealistic pressure on my husband to provide a security that I should have been seeking through Christ. I THOUGHT I was doing a good job, but about a year ago I realized that I was not, that I was holding onto a LOT of anger and resentment.

That said...I definitely do have baby fever, but my husband most definitely does NOT. Darn it! I'll have to live vicariously through your pregnancies!

Jen said...

I've got baby fever bad! Logically I know we need to wait until we can moved out of our cramped house and it would be way easier if we a bigger for three kids. My little guy is now 19 months old and just is not a baby anymore. He and big brother are exactly two years apart and bigger gap in ages between him and the nexts concerns me. I know when the timing is right, we'll be ready, but I don't really want to wait!

kari said...

As a child of divorce, I totally get it. As for baby fever, YES! Liv is only 5 months and Tom and I both have baby fever. I'm really struggling on when will be the best time for #2. We live in HCOL area and because of that, #2 will the last for financial reasons. Lots of praying going on in our house.

Kelly Bartlett said...

Aww, baby fever. I do love me some bay-bays. ;-) I had baby fever bad before I got pregnant with Carter. I was definitely in need of a third child. I knew life just wasn't complete without him. Amazing how he came in to the world and filled the void that I was missing. I love being a family of five. For a while (recently) I was thinking I wanted another one, but I am perfectly happy with the three that we have.

I pray that you are able to get pregnant easily and have a smooth pregnancy. Maybe a little girl will complete your family. Or, another little brother would make for a very fun household. Good luck Leah!

Chris | Team Sea-Squared said...

Baby fever? Oh yea. I had it BAD. Which ultimately ended up with me pregnant (finally!) :) I can totally see you with three children. I hope to see an announcement in the upcoming months :)

Jenny T said...

I just had my second 4 months ago and the DAY after I was already thinking about the third. I want to 'complete' my family...give them a family life that i didn't have with two parents who are married, never worrying about adult stuff and just growing up with each other without the fear of mommy leaving daddy. And I'm an only child and want them to know siblings. How does this family life security and the 3rd tie in together, like you said? I don't know...but I TOTALLY hear you. I think I just need that 'finish' to start our little traditions and be 'us'....I can relate to what you're talking about!! Baby fever in da house. I think about it EVERY DAY.(I'm your friend jennifer tobola on fb)

The Slacker Mom said...

Bay Fever- we've both got it over here. Bad. Of course we have the "what ifs" that come with having special needs kids but we are pretty at peace with that. Right now I need to get over the one thing I most struggle with- I don't think my own mom thinks we should have another baby. So the one person who I really want and need support from I don't even talk to about it with. I need to get over that.

Erin said...

I do not have baby fever obviously :) But we have struggled a bit over whether or not to be done with 2 just for logistic purposes. I think if money/space weren't an issue we probably WOULD have 3, but we're both too practical for that :)

I really hope your 3rd is a girl :) Obviously either way will be amazing but ... it'd just be so fun to watch you get to experience the joys of having a girl!

d.a.r. said...

Bahaha. Leah!!! You just made me spit coffee on myself (narrowly missing the baby). I really thought that I had missed a big announcement.

But yeah. I have baby fever like mad. Is that even possible with a 6 week old?? But geeze. I miss being pregnant, and this time is going so freaking fast that I know in 9 months from now, I will be dying to have a cuddly little newborn in my arms. So yeah. It sounds lovely, but maybe I am just delirious from lack of sleep :)


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