Not to family.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Last night, I don't know if I got it right.

Tony was with a friend, Ezra was nursing and Isaac was a little bit of a disaster. Everything seemed to fall short of his approval:

- I poured his milk in the wrong cup.
- I moved the puzzle box an inch.
- I told him he couldn't swing in Ezra's swing.
- I told him he had to keep his shirt on.

All resulted in ear deafening cries and big alligator tears.

Finally, we had a good solid 15 minutes without a meltdown and nonchalantly, I tossed back to Isaac who was sitting at the table doing his puzzle, "Hey bud, I love you."

Expecting a little sweetness back, I was crushed by his defiant "No, I don't love you."

He was on a timeout faster than he knew what hit him.

And as he bawled on the timeout, I also shed a few tears. He had no idea how much those words would hurt me if he actually knew their weight, but the thing was, he did know, a little bit and he said them anyways. After a minute of his crying, I asked him to come to me. Slowly, sheepishly, with his head down and avoiding eye contact he came to my side.

I took him into my lap and I asked him why he had a timeout. He maintained his downcast eyes and told me "Cuz I said 'I not love you.'"

Not knowing what to say, I told him "We don't say that to family, ever. Isaac, you don't tell someone that you don't love them."

I asked him if he had anything to say to me and he quickly replied "I'm sorry." Pressing further, I asked if he had anything else and he said "I love you."


Sarah (Mrs. Ruffled Flats) said...

I'm not sure exactly why, but this made me almost tear up. Obviously, it is extremely hurtful to heart those words from your child, but I was more stricken by the way you handled it. I think you taught him something very valuable that means far more than just words. I'm not sure I would have thought to do the same, but I think it's a great thing that you did.

JennyLee said...

Words carry so much weight. You handled the situation beautifully and.

Molly said...

Oh God. I can't tell you how much it hurt the first time Landon said that to me. It cut like a knife. He used it to manipulate me and I knew it.

What I loved the most is that it was Naaman who came to my rescue telling Landon that we never, ever say that to each other. He frowned and apologized. I got a hug and an "i love you" pretty darn quick.

Kelsey said...

So strange... Drew did this last night for the first (only, I hope) time last night, to his father. He was having a rough night and crying wasn't getting him what he wanted, so he tried something new. Ouch. We talked about why daddy is so special, that Drew hurtbhis feelings, and then required an apology. I would have been caught completely off-guard had I not read your post earlier in the day!

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness. I can only imagine how much those words would hurt coming from your oldest baby. I think you handled it perfectly. ((hugs))

Jill said...

Oh dear. This moment, I don't look forward too, but I know it's in my future.

I think you handled it very well. I would've been crying too. Man oh man...


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