More than I deserve.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Let's establish one thing first. I miss my boys, with my entire being.

It's the post you all knew was coming.
It's been bottled up tight, overwhelmed with emotions of gratitude and longing, each equally strong. Each equally battling the other for more control. They can't seem to dwell together, but are completely separate, like oil and water.

There's this concept of being blessed that can not be eluded.

Every day I wake up aware of His promises and mercies, most notably that His grace is new every morning. I live in a comfortable [tiny] home, in a safe city, with a husband whose love I have never once doubted and two beautiful, healthy children.

And most days, I wonder why.

Although I am slow to relinquish the thought that Isaac and Ezra are His, I know they are. And for this, I am quick to say that I am blessed and that everything in my life are truly provisions He has given our family.

But honestly, I question why.

Why do I live this blessed life? Why have our needs been met? Why do we find so much love in each other? Why have our bodies and those of our friends and family remained healthy?

How can I ever be thankful enough?

I want to be with my children so badly. It's one of my first thoughts of the day, but if I were only to continue to live the life that I do now, in the very same house, employed by the same job, with the same amazing husband, loving on the same two children, without any change long past the foreseeable future, it would still be immensely more than I ever deserve.


Kim said...

I feel the exact same way. Beautifully written

Megan said...

You are so great.

He is so faithful, yeah? I am so thankful for all of my blessings as well. Thanks for this reminder.

Heather said...

I wonder the same thing all the time. Why am I so blessed? How do I deserve this? I'm just filled with joy that God takes care of me and my Family.

Erin said...

This is beautiful, Leah, and I feel the same way every single day. I think it's a shame when people *don't* feel this way when they have been so blessed in life.

Julie S. said...

Stunningly written. I feel the same way, and I feel even MORE blessed that I feel this way.


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