More than I deserve.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Let's establish one thing first. I miss my boys, with my entire being.

It's the post you all knew was coming.
It's been bottled up tight, overwhelmed with emotions of gratitude and longing, each equally strong. Each equally battling the other for more control. They can't seem to dwell together, but are completely separate, like oil and water.

There's this concept of being blessed that can not be eluded.

Every day I wake up aware of His promises and mercies, most notably that His grace is new every morning. I live in a comfortable [tiny] home, in a safe city, with a husband whose love I have never once doubted and two beautiful, healthy children.

And most days, I wonder why.

Although I am slow to relinquish the thought that Isaac and Ezra are His, I know they are. And for this, I am quick to say that I am blessed and that everything in my life are truly provisions He has given our family.

But honestly, I question why.

Why do I live this blessed life? Why have our needs been met? Why do we find so much love in each other? Why have our bodies and those of our friends and family remained healthy?

How can I ever be thankful enough?

I want to be with my children so badly. It's one of my first thoughts of the day, but if I were only to continue to live the life that I do now, in the very same house, employed by the same job, with the same amazing husband, loving on the same two children, without any change long past the foreseeable future, it would still be immensely more than I ever deserve.

When I say we're in trouble . . .

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's because this child of mine, Isaac, truly is too smart for his own good. And if Ezra is similar, oh boy. Heaven help us! Last night Tony said in response to these murmurs, "Yes, but we'll get smarter too. We'll keep up with them, right?" I'm not so convinced.

Sunday, following my Saturday wedding, I had three sessions. Needless to say, my face time with family this weekend was scarce, but the man I married would not have it. Instead, he suggested that we as a family drive down to New Prague for my evening engagement session. It was a gorgeous night and a beautiful drive.

My session went so well, and it was totally worth the drive to shoot at her parent's family farm complete with rustic barn, silo, corn field and so much more, but the real story here was the conversation I had with this boy on the way home.

It all started when we passed a Caterpillar lot. Isaac, like most boys, loves heavy machinery, as was evidenced by our trip to the State Fair. So when he saw the lot of backhoes, excavators and bulldozers, he with great animation demanded to "go see the tractors."

Here's how the conversation went down:
Isaac: I want to go back there! [whine] I want to see the tractors! Let's go baaaaaack!
Me: Well, I'm sorry Isaac, but it's locked. There's a gate and we can't get in.
Isaac: Use the key.
Me: We don't have the key.
Isaac: You do. You do have the key! Use the key.
Me: Isaac, the only keys we have are the Jeep, car and house keys. They don't work on the fence. We can't use them.
[a minute passes]

Isaac: Put me over the fence.
[At this point both Tony and I busted out laughing! Who says this?! Apparently our almost 2 1/2 year old.]
Me: No Isaac, we can't put you over the fence. That's called trespassing and the cops would come and we'd go to jail.
Tony: And that's like a BIG time out.
Isaac: You can! You can put me over the fence! Daddy can!
Me: No, Isaac. No, we can't.
[another minutes passes]
Isaac: Let's go back. The cops not coming. Nope, the cops not coming. [while shaking his head emphatically]

FOR REAL. We are in trouble.


Ezra: Three Months

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

So, we've already had a 1/4 of a year with you my boy and as is often said of babies, I can't imagine our lives without you. It hasn't always been this way, but now, at this point, with your sweet and frequent smile enriching our lives I truly just can't fathom our family without your inclusion.

You're growing so much!

At your two month appointment, which was really about 2 1/2 months, you topped out at 24 inches and almost 14lbs. This put you near 90% for height and a good almost 80% for weight.
[This picture just cracks me up!]

In the past month, we've gotten to experience quite a bit! Like the State Fair.

Clearly, you were a fan.

Raspberry picking.


A water park, even if you didn't get into the water.

And so much quality time with your Daddy.

And big brother, Isaac.

Isaac loves to spend time with you, especially now that you beam that megawatt smile his way! He shouts excitedly "He's smiling at me!" every time that you do, which is often. He's started to play Patty Cake with you lately and I love it.

His kisses have gotten a whole lot more gentle as well.

We're all happy about that!

You um, spend quite a bit of time in overalls too.

I'm not going to apologize.

Because, really? Who can resist?

Unfortunately, this month also brought my return to work. Your arrival has changed our family so much for the better and we had an amazing summer together.

I love that all of the sudden you're laughing, "talking" and intent on twisting yourself about in an attempt to roll from back to front, but most of all, I love the little shock of hair growing in.

Happy 3 months, Ezra John.

2T1L: Answers

Monday, September 26, 2011

Two Truths:
1). I suck at thank you's.
2). I bought the Canon Mark II.
The Lie:
3). I must do my devotions daily.

1). Terrible. Like my Mom is embarrassed for me, because she raised her daughter better than how I express gratitude via thank you cards.

Case in point: Sky sent me this beautiful necklace and I never acknowledged that I received it. I mean honestly, who does that?

Sky. I love it. Thank you for sharing your talent with me in celebration of my boys!

2). I did. I bought the Canon Mark II. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision that's been building for the past year. The final tipping point was having both my husband and son shouting excitedly "Do it!" and from Isaac "Do it, mama! Do it!"

I'm in love.

3). Is the lie. In truth, I don't know that I've ever completed a single devotion book. Ever. I've never been able to dedicate a set quiet time. As an adult and now mother, it is something I really want to overcome.  I want to be able to give God that time, daily to speak to me.

Two Truths and a Lie

Friday, September 23, 2011

1). I suck at thank you's.
2). I bought the Canon Mark II.
3). I must do my devotions daily.

Take a wild guess, which is which.

Just for fun.

My boy.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

My boy, Isaac. He's turned into quite the handful. Tony and I will often look at each other, lock eyes and murmur to ourselves that we're in trouble.

He can be a little brute. The other night, Isaac caused Ezra's first big huge alligator tears . . . because he hit him across the face with a plastic toy wrench. It.was.heartbreaking. Isaac did not do it on purpose and knew he caused Ezra's cries and immediately dropped to the floor and covered his face. But what a little stinker, when I told him he hurt Ezra, very chipper he replied "I didn't! I didn't" as if to convince me otherwise.

But, he's also quite the sweetheart.

Yesterday he told Tony, "Mama's going to be sad." Tony asked him why and Isaac's response "Because we're going to Grandma's." Right you are my boy, right you are.

Fall Family Session WTW

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I love putting together coordinating fun family outfits. In fact, I probably like the whole process of putting together a what to wear board more than my actually wearing the clothes, because it looks so much more polished on the board than on my body!

If you remember last fall's pictures, I'm not afraid of pattern or color. I mean, we honestly wore three different plaids last fall and it still pulled together! This year though, I've been loving more sophisticated muted tones and came up with this what to wear board.

ps:: I'm also loving that it's making rounds on pinterest. :)

Fall Family Session '11

What to Wear - Fall 2011

What to Wear - Fall 2011


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