Eh, there you have it.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

And I'm back at abandoning my babies.

I joke, that's really extreme.

But it's how I feel. There's no comparison to leaving the boys for a wedding, session or client meeting to dropping them off at my Mom's to work.

I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to gradually return to work, because I just can't imagine how terrible it would be to jump in as fast as I had to last time. I really hope that this will help me maintain my supply level as well, since I'll only be away from Ezra every other day and can regulate Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So far I've been extremely disappointed by how much I've been pumping. Irrationally, I think it's because my pump knows that I hate it in all of it's boxy, tan and black ugly glory.

Life has continued in it's fantastic small moment way in the past week and a half.

I never shared the first documented smile I received from Ezra two weeks back. It was the best picture to pull out while I was shooting Sarah and San's wedding. Just a reminder of my wonderful boys waiting for me at home.
[He's officially wearing 0-3 month and some 3 month outfits]

Unfortunately I haven't gotten one of his big gorgeous smiles in a picture to be proud of, but they just keep getting more and more joyful.

Isaac is seriously making Tony and I shake our heads in disbelief. The things that come out of his mouth, events that he remembers and ideas that he is able to combine make us wonder what we're in for in the next few years. Dude is too smart. He's been whipping through the 24 piece 3+ puzzles that we had for him, so I bought a few more last week. Each time through he's gotten faster and faster, until now he can complete them in less than 5 minutes. In amazement, I said to him "Isaac you're too smart. You finished that too fast." No joke, his response "Mama, they're not hard."

He is also continuing his desire to be just like his Dad. Case in point.
[Please note Isaac's are on upside down and that Tony gave himself a haircut.]

My entire life, sitting on the couch.

Also, it's a good thing that things are still going strong between Levi and Bethany, because Isaac doesn't think anyone else is pretty. No seriously, she's the only person he will say is pretty. He even started to use the teenager "Nooooo." on me when I was asking him if I was pretty [What?]. Later that evening after sharing with Tony that Isaac would not say anyone else was pretty, Tony spent the time while I was at my soccer game coaching Isaac. That evening my shower was interrupted by the sweetest little boy first telling me "Mama, you're handsome!" and quickly corrected to "Mama, you're gorgeous!"

I've never really done a must have list for baby, as one's own boobs just doesn't make for an appealing post, but this time I have one! With Isaac, we never bought any safe swaddlers. We just got by using receiving blankets and around the time he was 3 months old, I honestly prayed over him that nothing would happen if he should break his swaddle while in the bassinet. I knew they weren't the safest, but we'd already gotten by and as always, money was tight. This time, with Ezra I wasn't going to do that to myself or him and when I saw a baby swaddle on mamabargains, I bought! And so the Woombie entered our lives. I must say, I absolutely love it. My only comparison is the Kiddopatamus swaddler with the velcro and hands down, I like the woombie more. At around 6 weeks, Ezra started to break the Kiddopatamus or I would find it wrapped around his shoulders in an odd way. I feel so much better using the Woombie with it's zipper and from the looks of it, Ezra loves that it is snug, but allows him to stretch and move, just as he did in the womb [corny I know, but that's why they named it so!]. Unfortunately this post is just a day too late, as mamabargains just had the Woombie on their site again yesterday and I was thankfully able to grab two of the Big Baby sizes at less than the cost of buying one from their site plus shipping. The newborn size only goes to 13 lbs and I'm afraid we're already starting to max it out!
[Ezra approves of the Woombie]

I'm trying to keep up on all communication avenues right now, but it's a bit of a struggle. If you're waiting on an email, I apologize! If we're friends and you haven't seen my face, I apologize!


Jenifer said...

I honestly smiled at the line "your handsome...mama, your gorgeous." so sweet. Im glad all is well. Your boys are adorable.

Unknown said...

I adore your boys and am loving watching Isaac grow up to develop such an amazing personality :)

The Woombie? Ah, hello! I'm buying that thing, even if I have to pay full price. We NEEDED swaddles for Eli, problem was, those dang things came undone all the time. Problem solved for baby #2 thanks to Leah :)

Anonymous said...

I've never heard of the woombie! I'm totally buying that this next time around! He looks like a joyful babe for sure!

Julia Goolia said...

Adorable little family you have there, Leah. And when you mentioned 'abandoning my babies' I immediately thought about the post from a few weeks ago---about the mom who really did have to abandon her child on the side of the road. Whenever work starts to feel overwhelming just read your other post about that mom---does it for me every time:)

Sarah (Mrs. Ruffled Flats) said...

You have the two most beautiful boys!!! I love Ezra's eyes - he seems very expressive already! So glad you had a picture of him smiling to keep you company at our wedding! I was worried you would be missing them like crazy, but you never showed it!

I love the video of Isaac and Tony doing the jig! I showed it to San and we agree that Tony seems like a wonderful father - not all men would dance like that with their son!

Erin said...

I definitely had the same thought as Julia when I read the first line of your post. Also, it made me just really sad that you honestly feel that way :( I really hope you can find some true, lasting peace about your need to work out of the home for the time being!

Anonymous said...

I love the picture of Isaac in his sunglasses. And the boys together...melt my heart.

Praying for you as you transition back to work, Leah!

Noe said...

... the "My entire life, sitting on the couch." what a sweet thing to say.... your writing is just so inspiring... and your family is the

Noe said...

sorry... your family is just something to treasure.

Julie S. said...

Praying for you as you make the transition back to work. I can't imagine how tough that must be, but I know that the Lord will pull you through it, and those boys will all be just fine.

Jill said...

Going back to work, just stinks. I totally feel what you're going through and I hate it. I just have to keep telling myself, I'm working for them. I work to give them the lives they deserve. It will get better!

Also, that woombie... That's genius! I love it! I need it! THANK YOU!


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