Dear Isaac

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

If there is one thing that terrifies me about bringing your little brother into this world, it is somehow through the process, losing you.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of other fears, like the heart expansion necessary to welcome Baby Love, exhausting your Daddy's patience with me, and ultimately successfully raising and keeping alive, what I'm sure will be, two rough and tumble boys.

But in the deepest depths of my being, I'm scared for what is going to change for you, in your world, through your eyes, how your heart could potentially hurt.

It never ceases to amaze me who I was before you entered my life. I was scared to be your Mom. Your Daddy though, he had faith in me and he wanted you to be his son with every fiber of his body. I was a lot slower to get on the bandwagon, but you changed that in an instant.

The second I saw your face, I was overwhelmed by a sense of possessiveness.

You were mine.

You have not stopped from the day you entered the world in slowly transforming me.

You are simply amazing dear Isaac and I hate to think that your baby brother's arrival may somehow hinder you or cause you pain.

You've shown no sign that I should even consider this. Never once have you acted jealously when I've held another child. You engage almost all babies that you see and oh so joyously point out your baby brother's items throughout the house. It even seems now that you relish saying his name. I can't help but speculate though how this transition will occur and I pray fervently that you remain you and that your Daddy and I are able to continue to lavish the love upon you that you so deserve.

It seems silly to think so highly of a two year old in some regards, especially one who can effortlessly change habits and behaviors it seems on a whim, but you must know how incredible we think you are. You must.


Kim said...

Beautifully written and as an expectant Mom myself I feel the exact same way.

Bethany said...

You have me in tears. Such an honest and beautiful post. You have expressed my exact fears if Ryan and I would have had another child. I hope to reassure you in saying, Issac will always know your heart loves him. I have no doubt in that.

Anonymous said...

Tearing up here as well - these are the exact worries that I have in just thinking about having another child. At the same time, I know that the lessons that will come from having to share both toys and attention are valuable and will contribute to the person I hope for my son to grow into -- but still, it is so hard to think of how your first child's world will change. I can only say, from talking to moms of 2 or more, that these feelings are 100% normal and expected, but when the new baby arrives, somehow everything just works. I know that it will for your family as well.

Ashlet said...

I have no doubt this will be me someday. Beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I have felt this way as well about having another baby. But I think to myself that I could not imagine how much love was in my heart for my son Mason when I was pg with him. I didn't even know it was possible to love someone in that way. I like to believe that having more children is the same....your heart just opens bigger.

And, as for Issac his heart will open bigger too.

emilyhansen said...

Oh my sweet friend- I keep a journal for Greta and wrote almost an identical letter to her right before the birth of Audrey. I couldn't imagine changing what a wonderful thing we had going with our family of three- even though I too was so excited for another precious baby to love.

It's an incredible thing that happens when #2 joins your family, something that no one can prepare you for. It just has to happen. I for one am so excited to meet him and hear about all the love your family is sharing now as a family of four!

Love your precious heart girl.

Megan said...

Ahh, friend. I have so been here, just days before Cohen was born, sobbing as I was afraid of how Jaxon was going to react. Wasn't sure if he'd "hurt", just like you referred to, or if he'd understand it all.

Let me just reassure you that you WILL love this baby as much as you love Isaac (I know it seems impossible!) and Isaac will be an amazing big brother!

Not only that, but you're totally going to rock this "mom to 2 boys" thing.

Praying for you!

Molly said...

I felt EXACTLY the same as you, Leah. I had all the same fears.

I promise you they melt away the instant your second is born.

I think you will be surprised at how smoothly the transition from 1 to 2 goes.

Now, two toddlers? That, my friend, is a different story. I'll let you get through the birth before I get to the next stage ;)

Julia Goolia said...

Love this post. Such a normal thing to worry about but I know you will handle two with grace.

Erin said...

This is beautiful, Leah, and I already think the same thing about Henry when another baby comes in our family. It's natural, and yet everyone who has a sibling has been there - they know they're loved, and even if the attention shifts in some ways, the fact that he has a brother for life now more than makes up for that little bit of loss he'll experience, you know? You're going to be a wonderful mommy of two boys!!

beckylbranch said...

This is so sweet of you to write to him....I think he is going to be a GREAT big brother and I'm so excited for you to have TWO boys!!! You are such a good Momma and I enjoy your blog SO SO much!

Jeannie said...

So beautifully written Leah!

Noe said...

Dear Leah, YOU have the incredible gift of transforming words into feelings, and vice versa.
Awesomely written.
I am sure Isaac will be a caring big brother to baby love. And it is to us proven that you will make the perfect momma for them both.

themurrayfamily said...

simply lovely. I wrote a similar letter to my 2 year old the night before our new little one came along. I was scared and worried about how this would impact my big girl. All in all, I have 2 wonderful and healthy daughters. They adore one another. Now, 3 months in, I can't imagine our lives any other way! Best wishes!

Julie S. said...

So beautiful. I am so nervous of this transition for our family as well, I could have written almost exactly this.


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