October 25th, 2010 | July 3rd, 2011

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The last drink I had was October 22nd, at my ladies wine night. I'm sure of this because 3 days later, while waiting for Tony to come home, I became so fed up with my long cycles and the agony of waiting that I decided to test without him. I figured there was no harm. My chart was the screwiest I have ever put together and I had absolutely zero belief that there was a chance we had conceived. I was at CD30 and didn't want to wait 4-5 more days to know what I already felt in my heart. Heck, FF hadn't even given me crosshairs that I had ovulated until I fudged a temp.
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Isaac's chart vs Sept 2010

If it hadn't been for Jamie's gift of her leftover ovulation test strips, which I had never used previously and wasn't sure I was doing correctly, I wouldn't have even a clue if I may have ovulated. It was a bleak, bleak ugly picture my friends and I hated my 34 day cycles.

So I took that test. Not even the cheap internet HPT's that came with Jamie's ovulation strips, but no, I went straight to my last remaining digital. I wanted validation. With just a touch of bitterness, I wanted to see Not Pregnant, because I was certainly dwelling on not pregnant. Except, it didn't show two words this time. There was only one.
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And I don't know if my first reaction was joy or excitement. In all honesty, I think there was a little bit of fear. I had prepared my heart for the opposite, that was the more familiar course. And yet there I was, holding the most precious piece of plastic bearing the one word I wanted so desperately.

Tony still wasn't home, so I quickly devised a plan in which to share the news with him. After about 2 minutes of trying to make Isaac a Big Brother shirt, involving cutting a floral pattern fabric and debating whether to glue stick or staple the letters to the shirt, I abandoned the project. Instead I decided to go with a running joke Tony and I have revisited in the past few years. I made Tony dinner and in homage to a D&R nestie who shared her news with her husband by putting a bun in the oven and then shared the video, I did the same to Tony.

I didn't want to make it stressful or to confuse Tony, but was convinced that he would remember the many times we've spoken about the video. Of course I can not find it now, but the nestie's husband is literally exclaiming "There's a bun in the oven! Why is there a bun in the oven? I don't understand, did you put the bun in the oven? I didn't put the bun in the oven? Who would put one bun in the oven?" And round and round it goes for almost 5 minutes before she finally clues him in on what it is he's actually saying.

So I made Tony dinner, a pasta. I waited for him to come home and then set the camera up on the counter top of the kitchen and walked out letting Tony know that there were breadsticks in the oven to accompany his meal. Odd, yes that I wouldn't take the breadsticks out, let alone bring them to him if I was leaving the kitchen, but eventually he got up to get the breadsticks. I followed him into the kitchen as he began laughing as he held the bun out to me and finally questioned, "So this is the breadsticks?" I will always remember the change in his eyes and how his face changed as those words left his mouth. He knew instantly he was holding the bun in the oven and it's meaning. He certainly wasn't mad that I tested without him! [Due to Tony being in his boxers, this video will not be viewed by the general public]

Starting October 25th, Tony and I struggled. With each other and alone, to not be too excited, but excited enough. To not forget about the developing baby, but not to bank on it's arrival. To not question God and whether it would happen again, but to be thankful for another pregnancy regardless. We didn't talk about the pregnancy much to each other and we didn't share it, with anyone. The most we talked about it was to Isaac and the prospect of his being a big brother, to which he always replies "Nice."

At 20dpo I was brought in by my midwife for Hcg testing, which measures the amount of Hcg in your blood. Hcg is the pregnancy hormone that is tested in urine and home pregnancy tests, but a blood draw is different, as there are two or more blood draws. The first establishes the baseline, as anything over 25 mIU/ml is considered positive for pregnancy, but the true test is whether the subsequent draw doubles or triples within 48 hours. At 20 dpo my draw was 1580 mIU/ml and at 22 dpo it was 3900 mIU/ml. We were ecstatic!

At 9w we had an ultrasound. We were absolutely petrified. Walking into that office, I literally felt like I was walking the plank. I wasn't certain one way or the other, I was just scared. The ultrasound machine was ancient compared to the ones we had had while pregnant with Isaac and that used to confirm our loss this summer. It didn't matter though. Tony and I were able to see that beautiful flicker immediately and for a few minutes all was right in the world, our baby had a heartbeat.
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Don't worry, we can't see anything either.

Ultrasounds will only buy you at times a few days or weeks without worry. So much can change so fast, so unlike with Isaac we chose not to share after our initial positive ultrasound. Sure, most doctors will tell you that the there is less than a 5% chance that a miscarriage will occur after an ultrasound confirms a strong heartbeat, but we'd already been on the losing end of 75-80% of pregnancies being healthy. Statistics are no longer my friend, you're either on one side or the other.

Once we found out we were pregnant, I quickly realized that a Christmas announcement would align beautifully with almost completing the first trimester. Tony and I resolved to keep the news to ourselves. We did not share, at all. It was so worth it. Although we announced to my Mom when we celebrated Christmas early and had not had the pleasure of knowing the baby's progress since 9w, we enjoyed it thoroughly! The first family picture you saw last week was taken to prep everyone for the second.
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With this picture, Tony announced "Everyone say, 'Leah's pregnant!'"
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Such a priceless picture! Unfortunately my Grandma and Grandpa weren't able to hear Tony, but I'll never forget the look of gratitude and thankfulness to God when I was able to tell her face to face. She shared with me that she had been praying that I only "get pregnant, if able to carry the baby to term." You've just got to love my Grandma's prayers, they are very specific!

Isaac proudly wore his Big Brother shirt!
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Gosh, I'm still mourning those curls.
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On Wednesday, December 22nd our family again went to the hospital. I was trying to not be too dramatic, but had already prepped Tony that if the heartbeat was unable to be located by doppler, that either we had to press for an ultrasound or we wouldn't be able to share with my Dad and Tony's parents. When the nurse spent 5 minutes trying to find the heartbeat, but to no avail I tried to push down the panic. She grabbed another nurse from the hallway, who speedily grabbed the doppler wand and simultaneously identified our baby's beautiful whooshing heartbeat as she pressed the wand to my belly. I have never been so relieved. Tony held Isaac, as he squeezed my hand. Such a moment to preserve in time.

I mentioned with my post about Josiah that we have changed practices from the OBGYN we went to with my pregnancy with Isaac. We are now under the care of a midwife, who we finally got to meet, after several previous phone calls! She is absolutely worth every rave that my friend AJ has ever given her. Both Tony and I were extremely impressed and couldn't help but notice that her desire to communicate with us and get to know who we were was a priority. We didn't once feel rushed and she asked several questions to continue our conversation. And it was a conversation, not a checklist! We are so excited to go through this journey with her!

After our appointment we drove directly to get Isaac's haircut, which we then had to keep under wraps until Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when we finally were able to share with my Dad and Stepmom, and my in laws.

I have been quite a bit sicker this pregnancy than with Isaac, but still wouldn't complain with anyone that has experienced true morning sickness. I never threw up with Isaac and have only done so once with this pregnancy, so I consider myself blessed. I've been extremely tired, but that's par the course!

I didn't blog any unpublished posts. I just couldn't bring myself to, so with this, you are caught up on Baby Bless #2.

You have no idea how much we appreciate the congratulations and continued prayers!

40 comments:

Marden Family said...

That is so exciting, congratulations!! I'll be sure to say a little prayer for you guys and baby #2 :)

Erin said...

I can totally relate to that feeling of walking the plank when going in for that first ultrasound - even without having ever experienced a loss, I still felt like that! Ben said it looked like I was waiting to be executed in the waiting room, and not going for an ultrasound of a totally planned and wanted baby.

Kristal said...

Oh Leah. I bawled reading this. I'm just so happy for you guys. And that picture? The look on your mom and step dad's faces are just priceless. Love!!

Emily said...

OH MY GOSH LEAH!!! Congratulations! I'm so thrilled for you!

Julia said...

that walking the plank feeling---I'm with Erin, I never experienced a loss but I was convinced we'd get bad news at our first US with Truman. I'm sure I'll be the same way with #2. :)

Sigh, charting. So not looking forward to the emotional roller coaster that goes with those little dots.

And that picture from Christmas is amazing. I love everyone's faces so much.

Congrats again, lady!!

Meredith said...

I pretty much cried like a baby reading this post.

I am so, SO thrilled for you guys, and I'll definitely continue to keep you and the little bean in prayer!

Mrs. Dirnberger said...

Congrats...you deserve it :)!!!! SOOOOO happy for your family of 4 soon!!!

Mrs. Yellow Ribbon said...

Congratulations!

*claire* said...

yay that's awesome! what a fun way to tell everyone! sending happy thoughts your way for a great pregnancy!

Sarah said...

Leah, I am so happy for you. With this post and the previous I swelled up with tears. You truly deserve all the happiness in the world. I know we have never met, but I have been following your blog for a long time and we even were planning our weddings on the knot around the same time. I feel as though I "know" you. Congratulations. You deserve it.

AJ said...

I loved reading your whole story. Thank you so much for sharing it. And, for the millionth time, I'm so happy you love the midwife, and I'm so jealous you get to see her and I don't ;)

Jill said...

Again, such great news! I cannot believe that it's all happened like this but I'm glad we're in it together! Can't wait to hear how the next couple of weeks go! Glad to hear that everything is going great!

Love that family picture (the second one)! So priceless!

Congrats!

Schmei said...

CONGRATULATIONS!

Sarah said...

Congratulations! Your family (and the new little one) will be in my prayers most definitely! I love the picture where everyone finds out - priceless!

Katie said...

Love the family picture! I'm going to go ahead and guess another boy! :) Congratulations again, Leah!

SJ said...

Congratulations again! The group pictures are priceless, and I love the bun-in-the-oven story. Cute, cute!

Lindsay said...

Oh, I am just SO HAPPY for you! You are the second person that I found out about yesterday that is expecting again after a miscarriage - such a gift from God! I know EXACTLY what you mean when you talk about the emotions you were experiencing when you saw the "pregnant" result - such a rollar coaster! LOVE how you told Tony and so wish he wasn't in his boxers so you could share the moment :) Congrats!!!

AmberDenae said...

Congratulations, sweet Leah! I am so happy for you and your precious family! Praying for baby bless #2 :)

Bree said...

Congratulations!

Michelle said...

I'm so happy for you, Leah! Congratulations on Baby Bless #2!

Marie said...

So exciting! Congrats to you and your lovely family!

Mrs. A said...

I'm so incredibly happy for all three of you!! Isaac will be the best big brother! My continued prayers are with you and Baby Bless #2.

Rose said...

SO exciting! You guys are so blessed! A happy and healthy nine months to you all!!

Bethany said...

Wow Leah!!! Goosebumps! I am just thrilled for your family. What an aweome way to tell your family. Prayers for a continued happy and healthy pregnancy!

Julie S. said...

Seriously? I am crying. What a beautiful post. The family picture says it all- you guys are SO blessed.

Jill said...

I've been silently reading and enjoying your blog for quite a few months now and just wanted to say how happy I am for you!

And also to ask if you'd mind sharing what midwife you're working with. I live in Minneapolis too, and am 7 weeks pregnant with our first. I'm the absolute first of any friends I know, so I've had trouble getting any recommendations!

Thanks and congrats again!

Melissa said...

Leah- that is too funny! I also watched the bun in the oven video with Scott and did the same thing for him to tell him about Rowan. He knew right away just like Tony. I still remember the huge grin on his face :). Congrats again!

Andrea said...

Love it :) What a great way to share your news! Can't wait to hear more about your pregnancy with baby bless #2.

Bekah said...

What an adorable picture!! And I totally remember that video fromt he nest. That poor guy was so confused..it was adorable. I so very much want to surprise Matt next time, but with Jack he knew before I did, so I dont know if that is a possibility!

Leah, I am so very very happy for you all. I cannot wait to watch this pregnancy progress, your child is so loved already.

Chelsea said...

Oh, Leah. I am bouncing off the walls with excitement for you guys!! I am so very happy for you and wish you all the best!! My thoughts & prayers are always with you and your family and so you will stay. Congratulations!

Sarah said...

I knew it!! I could feel that there had been a change in your posts recently. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but I was praying that THIS was the reason why. Congrats Leah! You deserve this!

Jenifer said...

Ah Leah, I have read your post 3 times. You have validated my frustrations with FF and I just spend the last 30 mins researching cheap ovulation test sticks. I thought for sure I was the only one who never got cross hairs on FF and it had me so stressed out. I am absolutely thrilled for you and your family. Isaac is going to be the best big brother. So thank you for sharing your journey with us I know how hard this can be. Congratulations again friend. July cannot come soon enough. Yay.

Molly said...

Awww, I love how you announced. So fun to capture all their reactions in time :)

I'm so excited for you all, Leah. You have no idea how wonderful it is to see your first born meet their little brother or sister. But you'll find out in July. I bawled my eyes out. I'm sure you will too.

Thinking Out Loud said...

Hooray!!!! This is WONDERFUL news! Congratulations! I'm so excited for you and will be praying.

L.C.T. said...

I'm amazed at how excited I can be for a stranger. Feel like I've walked alongside you for this past year. So many huge HUGE congratulations :D :D :D What wonderful news.

jen @ homeinthecountry said...

How wonderful!! I am so thrilled for you guys!

(And I can imagine just how you feel, since we're expecting our first after a MC - I'm due just a week before you! What a wonderful mixture of excitement and terror, and I'm so thankful for all of it!)

Write to Simplicity said...

CONGRATULATIONS LEAH!!! I couldn't be happier for you and your wonderful family. Isaac as a big brother is so adorable!!!!

MelissaOK said...

Congratulations! Praying for a healthy and happy pregnancy and little bean on the way!

SarahKL said...

I found your blog through The Bump July boards, and have been following for a little while now - CONGRATS!! I'm due in July too! Can't wait to read your thoughts through the process! :)

Jenna said...

Hi Leah,

You don't know me, but I'm a friend of Kyle Woods. I came across your blog through her own and read about your pervious miscarriage. My heart went out to you and then two weeks ago, I went through the same experience.

I saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks, but learned at my 8 week appointment that Baby had stopped developing and I had a miscarriage. I found such strength and inspiration from re-reading your beautifully written posts and how you coped with the experience.

I am so happy for you and your pregnancy. It gives me such great hope that I, too, will be blessed with a healthy pregnancy in the future.

Anyway...I just wanted to say "Thank You" and to let you know how much your posts have helped me.

-Jenna

 

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