Leaving on a Jet Plane

Friday, November 5, 2010

Corny, I know, but what do you do?

Tony asked me this morning if I was nervous, I quickly responded that I was not. I was truthful then, but the closer I come to leaving the more my nerves grow.

I'm not worried to meet a roomful of strangers, or to meet people who've I've only corresponded via email. The automatic judgment that every woman seems to be required to dole out, honestly doesn't phase me. Traveling by myself for the first time, might register a bit on my nerves, but isn't primarily responsible for the angst growing.

I just completed the quick questionnaire to be completed before attending the workshop after avoiding it for the past two days.

The two questions that have stopped me in my tracks:
What you are most looking forward to with this workshop?

In 1-2 sentences, what do you want to make happen?

I mean, how do you answer such questions? I keep saying that I expect huge things to happen this weekend and it's because I have expectations. Expectations in my heart that I haven't even examined and I don't comprehend how these can be written to share.

The big things that I've seen happen to those who've experienced this intensive are pretty much consistent: quitting a real job to do their business full time, committing themselves to their business just less than quitting their real job or amping their services in quality to the point of recognition, being published or winning awards.

I don't understand where that puts me. I feel like my dreams are too little somehow or not on the correct path. Because the reality is, we can't afford for me to pursue photography full time. I provide the benefits and Tony does not currently work a steady 40/hour week. It is not the right time for that move. Additionally, I feel like I barely balance work and family as it is right now. While I know that my business would certainly benefit from a little more TLC, I don't know when I could possibly manage.

Do you see my conundrum? Where does this even put my goals? What is the reconciliation of wanting to fervently make things happen while reclaiming boundaries around my family?

More to come, as always.

This morning it was tough to say goodbye to Tony. The last time our little family of three will be together until Monday evening. He headed off to go hunting, while I bide my time until my flight tomorrow afternoon.

I took these pictures of Isaac on Wednesday, just to guarantee that I would have recent pictures of him on the trip. This is one of the last outfits my Mom bought way in advance. How is he in 24m and 2T already?


That laugh! He's so mischievous!


An army helicopter flew low overhead and Isaac was absolutely captivated.


Oh my precious baby boy!



Jenifer said...

Wow! You can really tell how long is hair has gotten! So beautiful. And where or where did you get the cute plaid shirt? Ian has one calling his name!

Randi said...

have fun Leah!!

Alicea said...

Good luck on your trip!

vanessa said...

leah, i think you're thinking about it too much and letting the fact that you have pre-concieved notions of what happens at MTH from hearing others' stories get in the way a bit. in that alone i think you have found your answer. you are doing this to find clarity for yourself, what works for you and your family, as well as provides a bridge (if only the start of a bridge) to where you and your photos will take you in the future. and MTH will(should) help push you, direct you, guide you, enable you, show you your potential. i know you'll do great things there and beyond! i say go into it with a clear mind when it comes to expectations! have fun! enjoy! and say hi to gina for me!!

Randine said...

He is gorgeous as always. Have fun.

Abbey said...

He is so sweet Leah :) I hope you are having a wonderful trip. I can't wait to connect when you get back!


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