Bad Break

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Okay, it's not necessarily a break . . . it's more like excruciating pain. Hi, my name is Leah and I can barely walk without grimacing. It's kind of funny how when you're considering your options, sometimes if you take too long . . . God makes the decision for you.

It's easy for me to type these words, because I don't think the reality of their weight has actually hit me: I'm done playing competitive soccer. Wow. I lied. That wasn't easy for me to type at all.

I wasn't near making the decision to quit, but I have been mulling over what a future without soccer looks like. Pondering when the next pregnancy would cut short the next season. When my family's life would be too busy for my favorite pass time. Turns out His plan for me to stop playing soccer was much earlier than my intended.

I've been thinking so much about the end of my playing days for one main reason though, my surgically restructured knee has been bothering me for about three weeks now. When I sit my knee hurts, when I stand my knee hurts and when I stretch my knee hurts. Note to self: Listen to your body.

In a very typical shot on goal last night I twisted my body and wouldn't you know I felt a pop. An eerily familiar pop followed by pain. I limped off the field, but continued to sub in until the 2nd half when I again took a shot, this time the pain featured a warm gooey sensation which flowed over my entire knee. The best way of explaining it is like pouring warm ketchup over you skin, but it was within my knee . . . Both the pop and the gooey sensation I have felt before, in 2003 when I previously tore my ACL.

This is not good you guys, not good at all. Last night was even more uncomfortable than sleeping at 9 months pregnant. I tossed and turned all night, each position putting strain on my knee. My hope was that it would be drastically less painful in the morning . . . but that was just wishful thinking. I'm still continuing to hope that it is either my MCL (heals itself with time) or meniscus (less invasive surgery than ACL), but I'm having my doubts. Everything feels the same, in a really bad way.

Don't even get me started about the costs, but most important of all, if I were to have surgery how am I supposed to care for Isaac on crutches or fulfill my photography obligations? I had a really difficult time recovering when I was 20, how am I going to cope almost 7 years later? One thing is for sure, regardless of if it's torn and/or if I have surgery again my playing days for the most part are done.

I will be going to a walk-in orthopedic clinic tonight. More to come.

19 comments:

*claire* said...

sorry, that must be hard.
my husband had surgery on his meniscus, so i know that's not a fun process. hopefully it's something relatively easy to fix and heal.

Jenifer said...

My husband did the same thing playing highschool baseball, he slid into home plate and tore everything. He needed 2 surgeries to correct the problem. That was it, he was done. And he couldnt apply to the Coast Guard with a bad knee. It has been 12 years since it happened and he still has trouble with his knee. I wish you the best but I know how challenging this can be. Take Care.

Kelly said...

yuck. I am going through basically the same thing right now! just had an MRI on monday. already have torn both my ACLs. I know how you feel :(

abby said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this! Both for the injury and that you will likely have to give up a sport you love. I hope your knee heals well (either with or without surgery)! Won't be long and you can coach a little soccer team :)

Jeannie said...

Oh my Leah; that sounds excruciating! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

I'm praying that it's not as bad as you think...

Amanda said...

So sorry that you are having to deal with this. Giving up something that you truly love is very difficult. I will be hoping for the best from your clinic visit tonight!

Meredith said...

Ow. Ow. Ow. NO FUN. I'll be thinking of you tonight! Let us know how things go.

Mandie, Daniel and Dawson said...

Hope you feel better soon!!

Jenny said...

Sorry to hear about your knee Leah. It's hard to lose something you love doing to an injury like that. Just remember to look forward to the day you might be able to coach your little guy's soccer team :)

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry Leah!! I'll be hoping that you get some good news tonight.

Kristi said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. I tore my ACL about 10 years ago as well and can't imagine having to go through the whole ordeal again. Just reading your description here made me cringe. I will pray that it is your MCL or meniscus. I will also pray that the Lord continues to give you the strength that you need to deal with all that he is allowing to happen in your life right now.

beeskneeslife said...

Oh no! I hope you get good news. I remember how depressed I was when I broke my foot and didn't have any responsibilities yet...I can't imagine how I would feel with a family to care for.

Abby said...

The warm gooey ketchup statement is sooo true! I am so sorry Leah, I know how devastating this can be, both to have to give up soccer and to have to look at the recovery. I will be praying that it isn't your ACL. Hang in there!!

D. Ramblings said...

Oh no! I tore my ACL in high school and I'm very familiar with that pain, and the pain of the crazy long recovery. I'll be praying that it's something less serious, like MCL!

julie said...

Ow, ow, ow. My sister tore her meniscus playing volleyball and had surgery, and her recovery was not fun. I will be praying for you!

AJ said...

LEAH! I am soooo sorry that happened to you. :( Anything I can do for you? Please let me know what happens at the doctor.

Rambling Renovators said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you may have to give up something that you love. Hope you hear some good news tonight!

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

Oh no, how awful! I tore up my knee horribly in highschool (in soccer no less) and I still feel the lingering effects to this day, I'll be keeping you in my prayers-hopefully it won't be as bad as it seems.

Q, La, and Gooner said...

I'm so sorry! I pray that your tear heals up and that the costs are small!

 

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