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Monday, February 8, 2010

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You could say that this picture sums up how I've been feeling lately. Although truth be told, Isaac's smiling a little too much in this picture. He's also lacking the WTHeck scowl.

Pretty sure we've hit the doldrums of winter folks and for once I know you're all experiencing it with me, due to the massive storms we've had lately. To the folks to my East, man oh man. If I could help shovel you out I would be there in a jiffy!

For those who live in the northern states, I probably do not need to describe the depression that can happen around this time. There seems to be no end to winter, the sun refuses to shine and we're generally working when it does, only to return home after darkness.

To couple with this, I haven't been making things any easier on myself. I haven't worked out in who knows how long, my weekly soccer game has been absent due to a two week bye and I haven't had my hair touched since the end of summer. To say there are some self image issues at work would be an understatement.

Tony and I haven't exactly been in a good place for the last few weeks either. It's probably the baby sleeping between us sprinkled with poor communication, stress and general complacency. Even writing this I feel complacent. That's so gross.

I really want to be at home with my child and in all honesty I want to be with child again. As content I as I am in our life now, I'm not. I want to look different, feel different, act different and most of all live different. How fitting that this paragraph is full of wants. That's exactly the problem, I'm thinking about myself too much right now and what I want.

What I need to do is pour more effort into my marriage and walk with God, because this whole post reflects more than I'm comfortable with about where I'm at.

22 comments:

Madeline said...

Ugh...sorry you are in a rut! I feel the same way right now (that's mostly due to being trapped in my house thanks to the wonderful snow).
On the flip side..Isaac looks adorable...grumpy face and all :)

kari said...

The snow has been a strange experience. Being a California girl, I don't even own a snow shovel! Thank goodness for neighbors. Since we are getting more snow this week, I decided to order some shovels from Amazon.

I'm sorry you are in a rut. I've been going through the same thing until recently. I found this quote that kind of my "a-ha" moment and really changed my Thinking.

"It's about love, it's about compassion, it's about kindness and faith. It has nothing to do with luck. You get what you give, so give good."

It's kind of become my personal mantra that I chat when I feel those thoughts creeping up in my head. And it's been awesome between Tom and I since that day. I'm thinking and praying for you Leah.

Alicea (mnbride1013) said...

You hit the nail on the head, sister! I feel the exact same way. I definitely have the winter blahs, cabin fever, generally icky-ness. Spring will be here soon enough! Bring some Spring in - pick up a bouquet of flowers. SuperTarget always has them for pretty cheap and it might cheer you up a bit. It usually works for me, for the time being anyway. :)

Amy said...

I could have almost written a lot of that! I am ready for spring, and ready to get out of the house!!

I want to be home with my baby too! :(

oh, and that pic of Isaac is too stinking cute! He sure is a cutie!

Mrs. Lukie said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Leah. I'm sorry you're having an extended case of the "Mondays" and I really hope things turn around soon. I will be praying for you.

abby said...

Wow this must really be a seasonal thing because I am so there. Truly, the only thing in this post that doesn't apply to me is the weekly soccer game, aside from that you've taken the words out of my mouth. It's disgusting how crabby I've been, I just feel like throwing a temper tantrum! Even just a tan would help immensely :)

Julia said...

hang in there, girlie. Your honesty is always one of your best features....here's hoping your days look up from here on out. I swear, once this blasted winter is over things HAVE to be happier in general, right? :)

Kier said...

Your 2nd to last paragraph sums up my life now too! (Well except for being home with a kid and wanting a kid).

Here's to a better day and a quick week - then you get to see me! WOOT!

Meredith said...

Oh boy to I relate to the line about looking different, acting different, and feeling different right now!

Thinking about you...

Newlywed Next Door said...

Thanks so much for your honesty! I know God will get you though any rut or hard time.

julie said...

I think I could have written this exact same post. Your honesty is incredible. Know that you are bring prayed for!

Mrs. McB said...

Hang in there. I often feel the same way. I am praying for you and hope all your wants become reality. :)

Jen said...

The winter grayness is driving me crazy too. February is my least favorite month of the year. Thank goodness it's shortest month of the year. Hopefully March will give us some sunshine and everything will look better.

Heidi said...

"Tony and I haven't exactly been in a good place for the last few weeks either. It's probably the baby sleeping between us sprinkled with poor communication, stress and general complacency. Even writing this I feel complacent. That's so gross."

Hmmm, you're reading my mind and writing it out loud. That is pretty much how I feel right now, too. The complacency is what bothers me the most, but then I'm complacent about that and I feel stuck in a vicious circle. It's like a strange realization.

Even though we don't have snow here in Austin, we do have rain. So, imagine all your snow storms as rain storms because it's not cold enough for the rain to become snow and you've got Texas in the winter. It's okay, but after several weeks of gray skies, it starts to suck. So I guess I'm saying I'm there with you on the icky weather feelings too.

Not sure what else to say to encourage you except you're not alone, friend. I'm thinking about you!

A sidenote: I broke down and created a new public blog finally. I'd love for you to be a reader if you can. playgrounddiva.blogspot.com

Katie said...

I appreciate your honesty Leah. Things do seem to go up and down without much warning when you have a baby...or maybe there is warning, but we are just too busy to catch sight of it. I know you'll get things back on track soon. Hang in there. Isaac is just adorable and I love that picture!

ezza said...

hugs!!! we have all had those moments of discontent as well. hang in there.:) sending prayers your way!!

fallgirly said...

hang in there girly. this to shall pass. we all have our moments, you're allowed!

Q, La, and Gooner said...

Leah, Leah. I'm sorry. The sermon at our church this past week was on marriage, particularly the part of women and submission to her husband. I spent the better part of today, while cleaning our house, on how I can better serve Q. I'm sorry it's winter for you!

L.C.T. said...

Minus the baby, those struggles sound familier. Walking with God is the ONLY way of getting through and being content.

Blonde Bookworm! said...

I hear ya, this time of year is the worst! I want to just crawl into bed and not come out intil Spring :-/ Hang in there, the sun willlll shine again :)

Randi said...

I was just thinking that i feel like i am in a winter and life lull!! come on spring! haha

Sarah Louise said...

**hugs** hang in there. This time of year is tough, and I think that Minnesota has been hit pretty hard this winter as far as weather goes. Just like the weather, relationships are cyclical. With the good, comes the bad. Things will work out. I'll be praying for you, and that you get to experience the sunshine soon enough :)

 

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