Wedded Wednesday

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,

anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

So, you know why Tony and I weren't in a good place?

Because contrary to our communication is important stance we broke down.

"I'm fine." became my standard answer. "Nothing." seemed to be my only response to Tony's "What's wrong?"

And do you want to know why? Because I convinced myself that I could just bury the issues that were plaguing me and I just couldn't.

The first started January 30th. Yeah, I know. That was 3 1/2 weeks ago. It was the day I got to 2nd shoot with Gina, leaving Tony and my Dad to care for Isaac throughout the day/evening. I left before Tony and Isaac got out of bed, but Tony woke enough to ask me to defrost breast milk before leaving. I heard his request, but told him no. I explained that I didn't want to defrost a mass amount of breast milk, because whenever we've done that in the past we've always wasted at least a bottle.

That night I went to my Dad's to pick up Isaac, and wouldn't you know . . . Tony had defrosted a large amount and at least 5 ounces were left to spoil [you can't refreeze breast milk after thawing].

This hurt and infuriated me. Not only did he completely disregard what I said, but past that the expected result happened. Wasting breast milk is a direct loss of my time and effort, which is something that Tony and I have talked about before. Of course we spoke about it that evening, but somehow it was my fault and Tony ended up equally upset with me. There was no feeling of closure.

In addition to this, there seemed to be a build up of resentment due to Tony's current work situation. It's light. Really light. Which also means that money is light and tight. We haven't gotten a check from Tony's end in 2 1/2 weeks. This of course means stress. When his work is light, Tony has no where to go but home. Without fail though, it seemed that if I asked for his help around the house it was never completed. Now he wouldn't sit on his hands without action, but he'd complete what ever chore it was that he wanted to do, not the one I'd asked for help with . . . and then I stewed.

The wonderful Valentine's we got to enjoy only happened because we finally talked through these issues. It didn't end all hunky dory because Tony apologized for all of the things I thought he'd been doing wrong, but because we communicated.

I hope this can encourage someone today. :)


Jill said...

I'm picking up what you're throwing down... marriage isn't everything that it's cracked out to be and it doesn't come with a kiss on the cheek everyday. You have to work as a team and sometimes that I really hard.

I'm glad that you guys are communicating and you're able to voice your opinion without too much heartache!

Kristi said...

I appreciate this post so much. There are so many times when I am upset at my husband and instead of just coming out and saying it, I expect him to figure it out on his own. This only makes me more upset and my husband left out in the dark. I know that this is something that I have to work on. Talking it out can make a world of difference.

Chelsea said...

This just proves how much better everything would be if we could all read minds!!
Only kidding, but really, I'm glad you two worked it out. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and enjoy it! =)

Patience said...

This is something L and I struggle with. I tend to hold things in until I can't take it anymore and then I blow up. I am learning to communicate more and he appreciates it. I know a marriage is a full time job and it isn't always going to be easy, but I couldn't have picked a better life partner then L.

Julie S. said...

I also tend to hold things in, hoping that Brandon will magically see my point of view. *sigh* I appreciate this post so much! Communication is never ending! :)

Jeannie said...

Communication...that is our biggest issue. I tend to hold things in and then take it out on Rob because he didn't 'know' what was wrong. Thank you for writing this post! We can relate so much!

Meredith said...

Oh yes...the stewing. I do it too, and it never ends well!

I'm glad you were able to communicate--what solution did you come up with in terms of the chore situation?

Unknown said...

It's posts like this that remind us to reflect and change. Not only was it encouraging, but it is encouraging me to be a better wife. Thanks!

ezza said...

i'm glad to know that things are getting better!! :) this is a good reminder to communicate even without a child on board :)

Sarah Louise said...

I'm glade you were able to tell Tony how you feel. I certainly know that it is not easy! We sound a lot alike in how you handle stress...

I will be praying for Tony's job situation. It certainly has to be difficult to be the only one with a stable income.

Meagan said...

I hope Tony's work situation gets better ASAP! And I remember freaking out when Garrett spilled an entire bag of breast milk. I almost lost it. I feel your pain.


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