Wedded Wednesday: Q&A

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

Biggest Challenge and Blessing of being Married

Meredith asked in my "Ask Me Anything" post to discuss "what have been both the biggest challenges, and the biggest blessings in being married and becoming a mom? "

For this Wedded Wednesday, I'll hold off on the becoming a Mom portion, focusing on the challenges and blessings of our marriage.

I would think that first and foremost our largest challenge IS {note: this is not past tense} encountered in our families. Our childhood's were extremely different, although I wouldn't be so quick to pick one over the other. I'm definitely a person shaped by conditions, mainly my parents divorce, my Mom's loss of a child and my parents' remarriages. There are a number of allowances that I make for my parents because I understand their motivation, albeit sometimes infuriating. Tony had an extremely difficult time trying to decipher their actions and my reactions in the beginning of our marriage and it resulted in quite a few fights. In fact, something that my Mom did resulted in our first fight ever on our honeymoon. To those yet to be married, sometimes internet access isn't all it's cracked up to be hah! I know that this challenge though is a blessing in disguise, because honestly most of our family issues stem from too much love, even if misplaced or misguided.

Communication, oddly enough can also be a challenge for us. It is our lifeline, but was not always so. While Tony and I were dating, engaged and newly married, like clockwork every six months Tony would sit me down and beg me to talk. I don't know why I would begin to shut him out, but I would and I could feel it too. I'm happy to say that in the past 2 years at least that we've bypassed these little sessions, but sometimes we do not communicate what is truly essential, only what is necessary. Or otherwise, we'll neglect to impart what is important to the other. We've gotten quicker on the draw in checking this so that we do not find ourselves suffering from poor communication.

Additionally, there are times we take each other for granted, but this could almost be a post in itself.

I have a self-created identity as Tony's wife. In this role I know one of the greatest loves of my life. Tony has an unwavering passion to be my husband, even during the times that I wouldn't fault him for uncertainty. His love for me strengthens the love that I know from God, because I know that his love for God is a part of his source in loving me so fiercely. {take a second and re-read this if you must lol}

Our marriage does not allow for wallowing, pity parties or general unhappiness. Whatever is off is dealt with, quickly. I think that this approach has further developed my person, as I know that I have Tony's respect. He does not second guess or undermine my decisions, something which I should learn from as he is the head of our house.

Finally, the largest blessing of our marriage is the dedication that I know we will/have invested in it's longevity. Failure is not an option. For some it's not as simple as that, there are conditions and situations and pain so deep you wake up days later without knowledge of how deep you've sunk. ETA: I'm not saying we'll somehow be immune or magically stay together without difficulty. I came from a divorced family. I know that at one point my parents loved each other, that doesn't just disappear. Things happen, life can suck. For us though, it is NOT an option. I don't know to what extreme we may be pushed to, but I know from where we've come, the majority of which has not been discussed here, and I know the bitter fight we can put up when push comes to shove. I just daily pray that the continued effort and desire are sustained, because we've got a lifetime ahead of us.

We are not perfect people, something that I strive to showcase here. The title of this blog is not Marital-Bliss. But we've got something good here going and I can daily call it a blessing.

I would challenge you all to write a challenge/blessings post. This was a great exercise for me to really analyze our relationship.

Thanks Mer.


Johanna said...

Beautiful, Leah friend. Think I will do this today for my entry!

This line jumped out at me in a big way: "but sometimes we do not communicate what is truly essential, only what is necessary."

Meredith said...

That line about communicating what's necessary, but not always essential is true for us as well!

I'm glad you answered my question--I know it's hard sometimes to talk about challenges in our marriages. At least for me, I try to speak positively about my husband, and to resolve our issues privately. But on the other hand, as someone else who believes that failure is NOT an option, I think it's important to be open and honest about those challenges sometimes, because they're things that we all experience, and we can help each other work through them!

Julie S. said...

Loved this post, and I will consider doing one like it in the future!

Sarah Louise said...

I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing with us a little more about your marriage, and life. It is so obvious in the way you write about your relationship with Tony that there is so much love, and respect between the two of you. It is truly inspirational.

With that said, Jared and I too have always agreed that divorce/failure is not an option. The only other people I have ever heard say that are my parents. I love to know that we're not alone!

Karen At Home Blog said...

I love your honesty Leah!!!! You are an amazing mom and wife.


Ginger said...

great post Leah I want to participate even though I'm a day late.

d.a.r. said...

I adore this post!! I am going to have to think about this and maybe do my own!


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