Wedded Wednesday

Wednesday, September 2, 2009





Talk things out and never give up!


Tony and I have been married for 3 years now, so I'm far from a marriage expert. We don't have a decade or two of experience to draw on, but I'm quite pleased with what we have gained in the short reign we've had.

Our most trying times were had in the last 6 months of our first year. It's taken me awhile to realize this, because I always refute people when they say that the first year is the hardest. I now recognize that it was true of us as well, even though it was majorly determined by outside sources.

Tony was run ragged by a sales job he fell into when put out of work. Every day a phone call was placed to me to vent about his a-hole boss. Every day I tried to encourage him, until the day I didn't have anything left. And then I started to shut down. Suddenly our communication, our life line was severed. I didn't want to support Tony any more. I didn't want him to suck every bit of positivity out of me, so I stopped sharing with him. And as soon as I stopped that I no longer connected with him, which led to my being annoyed by his every action or non action. This grew to the point that I could barely look at him or think of him without some annoyance.

I can't say that I suddenly woke up and righted my wrongs, but I wasn't oblivious to what was happening and neither was Tony. So we worked at it. Here we were newlywed lovers suddenly awkwardly going through the motions. We knew we had to establish the ground work for a stronger line of communication and so we did, every day, every night. Continually building it. Praying at night was our chance to reconnect at the end of the day. We knew how bad it could get and we didn't want to go there again.

The turning point was definitely when Tony left that company, but the great thing was that when he did we were stronger for it. We never completely gave up on each other. I now know some of the best ways to support my husband and he nows how to recognize when I'm shutting down. For two people who talk alot, you'd think we'd understand how vital communication is without going through a crisis, but we didn't.

Never give up communicating with your spouse. Full disclosure may not work for every couple, but in this household it's necessary. For the most part I think we both keep each other in check so much that there isn't enough momentum to share feelings that hurt the other, because they haven't been given enough time or firepower to build.

Don't get tired of doing what is good.
Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap
a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.
Galatians 6:9



14 comments:

Meredith said...

I love that you guys pray together! That's something that I've kind of always wished J and I did...we both pray, it's just always been a very private thing for both of us.

Alicea (mnbride1013) said...

That's great that you guys are able to work through those tough times. We are having some tough times of our own these days and communication is SO important. It's nice to know we are not the only newlyweds going through this!

Sassy and Classy Southern Mrs. said...

I love your posts! Everything you wrote always makes so much sense to me and I connect. Graysen and I read a couples devotion every night, and then we take turns saying our prayers aloud. At first he hated to pray in front of me but now it's part of our nightly routine and has brought us closer together.

*claire* said...

great post! it's such an easy trap to fall into - not communicating, then getting mad/annoyed when the other doesn't realize why you're mad/annoyed! def been there done that. it sucks that often work stress causes relationship arguments... but it's always good to recognize this as the source and seperate the two.. :)

Katie said...

Great post Leah.

fah said...

Great post! John and I struggled with the same thing. It's hard to always be the positive one. I know I shut down on him a lot because I get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. It's frustrating, but it's somethign that we both need to work on.

Sarah - La Jeune Marie said...

Thanks for posting this! It's always a good reminder to communitcate, even newlyweds! Sincerely, it is the most important thing.

CJ said...

Sometimes we get in that very same rut. I love the idea of praying together! I really wish it was something we did.

Christy said...

Thank you. I needed to read the first year isn't always blissful.

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

Boy do I hear you on the first year not being a cakewalk! Our's has been anything but. It's amazing the transformation that resulted in our relationship when we started praying together. We actually were going through a tough spell during our engagement where we had a lot going on and incredible amount of stress and we started praying together and the transformation was miraculous! Communication and prayer are definitely SO KEY in marriage, we dfinitely work to operate under full disclosure. I love this post!

Mrs. A said...

great post!!

julie said...

The way you and Tony react to these types of situations sounds exactly like Brandon and I. I always get incredibly annoyed to the point that I don't want to be around him, and then eventually I break down. We sure are learning a lot about communication these days!

Dee said...

Love the post. Thank you!

Kier said...

Great timing with this post...communicating has not been our strong point these past few days.

 

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