Ridiculous.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I hate confrontation. I think most people do, so I definitely don't think that I'm some exclusion to the rule or anything. This being said, I do believe that my apprehension regarding confrontation is directly related to the years prior to and during my parents divorce.

I wanted nothing more than for my parents to be happy and somehow I took their happiness and burdened my little shoulders. I tried to be absolutely perfect, in my own mind, although I hear I was pretty strong willed so I doubt my attempts were even conveyed. If I could just be a little porcelain doll then there wouldn't be any arguing . . .

In the years since, I have grown up. I realize the necessity for confrontation, the catalyst that it provides in remedying situations that would otherwise fester.

I'm in such a situation right now and I really wish that I weren't the most mature person when a 25 year old and a 49 year old are those involved. Pray for me you guys, one of the most important friendships of my Mom's life is involved.

How do you deal with confrontation?

18 comments:

d.a.r. said...

I'm so sorry you are in an uncomfortable position. I am praying for you for guidance and strength.

I personally don't mind confrontation. Good thing I went to law school, huh?

Sarah said...

I don't lol. Minnesota nice runs thick through my veins and I try to avoid confrontation at all costs. Maybe one of these days I'll grow a pair...until then, I just smile sweetly and try to play well with others.

Emily said...

Ummm, are we living parallel lives right now? I just had a run in with my 40 year old Brother-in-law - where he's acting like a 6th grader and trying to bring everyone down to his level because he's in a bad place.

Thinking of you, I hope it all works out. I avoid confrontation, and my new family embraces it. They like to pretend that "Telling the truth" is an excuse for being rude. It's a struggle.

Mrs. A said...

you've been there for me and prayed for me so many times. I'm happy to return the favor. Praying for you Leah.

Amber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amber said...

I am in a similar position as well; me being 26 and the one I am in a confrontation with is 42(a woman). I am being the mature one right now and she has no clue that I know of some information that she has said/wrote involving me. I am just waiting and acting the same until I figure out what I want to handle the situation.

Best of luck, you are in my prayers.

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

I dislike confrontation but seem to be involved with it quite a bit....I don't know if that makes me the peacemaker or the troublemaker though... Anyway, I've been there and it's never fun. Whenever it gets particularly rough, I write down what I want/need to say-many many times-until I figure out the best way to go about saying/handling it. It helps, but only so much. I'll be praying for you!

Carrie said...

I also HATE confirtation and avoid it like the plague. I hope this is an easy outcome for you!

Beth Ann said...

I avoid confrontation as much as I can! I absolutely hate it and when I know I cannot avoid it, I get sick to my stomach.

Good luck with your situation. Sorry you are dealing with it.

Anita said...

I don't run head first into confrontation, but I don't shy away from it either. I do pick my battles - there are a few people in my life that I chose to avoid confrontation, swallow my pride/feelings/thoughts, and put on a happy face for the sake of the situation. When I am not dealing with these 2 particular people, I like to try and face confrontation pretty openly. I also like to sit on things for a while, so I'll write it out or think hard on it and then sleep on it. Sometimes things become more clear and less emotional after that.. and sometimes they don't. I try hard (and rarely succeed) to take emotion out of things, though. Emotion messes with logic so frequently.

I hope you get thru this...

kari said...

I'm with you. I think my parents divorce definitely comes into play during a time of confrontation. I try to avoid it at all costs. I'm thinking of you and praying you get through this.

Ashley said...

A lot of prayer and thinking through what I'm going to say. I really do think of the points I'm making ahead of time, and I try to picture presenting it strongly but kindly. Remember to say things like "I know YOU feel this way, and I can see where you're coming from..." etc. etc. It makes confrontation easier when people feel like their side is being heard.

Can you tell I'm a pastor's daughter and have had experience with this?

Let me know if I can help or pray in any way! (Or if you need to practice...)

Becky said...

I hate confruntation too...I usally run and just shut up. I'll be praying for you and your Mom...I know if God is in it then His way will be done.

Kirsten said...

I deal with it head on. I don't know how to deal with it any other way. I don't like instigating it, but if it must be done, I'm not afraid to do it.

Mrs. Newlywed said...

I just deal with it head on. I loathe loathe loathe passive aggressive behavior, and I have always said that if I hate a trait someone else has I better make sure to not possess it.

Confrontation doesn't have to be yelling and screaming. It is about standing up for yourself and making others aware that you are willing to talk things out.

If you don't deal with it, it will get out of hand. If you try to deal with it and the person doesn't respond, well at least you tried right?

Good luck!

Heidi said...

The godliest man I know once told me, "If in doubt, don't". This applies to all of life but I've found that it applies especially well in confrontations. I've learned the hard way that respected boundaries are paramount and humility is absolutely essential. Without knowing an of the specifics of your issue, I just want to offer that even in situations where I have been 99% right, I have learned, usually after the fact, that the other party wasn't as wrong as I thought or that there were lots of contributing factors to their attitude/actions that had I known, would have changed my reaction to the situation. Even last week, my FIL, with whom I've had many-a-confrontation, finally took the step to humble himself and ask my forgiveness for things he's wronged me in. I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to ask if there was anything I'd done to hurt or offend him and he graciously, honestly shared something. I asked his forgiveness but since then, many things about how he must have felt in those instances where I offended or he offended have come to mind (most likely via the Holy Spirit) and I've felt a deeper sense of empathy, humility and forgiveness towards him than ever. I've realized that usually my understanding of a situation or conflict is fairly limited and there's always room for more love. Besides Christ and His love for us, the relationships we have here on earth are pretty much the only eternal things we will take with us when we die. I fully believe that unless they're going to Hell, we're going to know them in Heaven and therefore it's important to keep that in mind in dealing with people, especially important people in our lives.

Like other commenters before me, I have so appreciated knowing that you, a virtual stranger, have remembered me in your thoughts and prayers while I've gone through tough times. I'll be returning the favor for sure. I'llpray for a good outcome and lots of humility, discernment and insight all around.

Meagan said...

Oh man...Confrontation is so hard. Because its natural to react defensively and to protect yourself. Just try and think what would Jesus say to that person? 70 times seven is a lot harder to do than we realize. Pray before, during and after.

<3

julie said...

I try to avoid confrontation at all costs, but if I have to remedy the situation myself, I just state clearly my point of view and move on. Sometimes it's that easy, other times it's not. You are in my prayers!

 

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