The First Bottle

Monday, June 1, 2009

I'm sitting in our basement, typing this post, baby free, because I'm not needed. I'm subjected to the basement to relieve Isaac of my scent, as it can cause confusion. Tony's giving him his first bottle. Do I need to tell you that I'm crying?

Something so simple, already so difficult. It's the first step towards separation. I know it's necessary, but that doesn't make it any easier.

My Mom and I went to dinner last night and talked about her caring for Isaac. All of the words that I wanted to tell her. All of the pain that I've pent up regarding my building resentment were said, because she knew they were coming.

I was able to prepare her for my feelings based on a conversation we had regarding one of her nightly visits. Isaac was 3 weeks old and my Mom basically thought of every reason under the sun to drop by, not that I minded . . . until one night she walked in and promptly said, "Let me have him." There was no tone, no malice, but those words killed me. They made me bristle.

It's amazing how you can spend all day with someone and yet still miss them 2 feet away from you. He'd just woken up from a nap, in which I actually put him down {which doesn't happen often! :} and I was relishing holding him again. To say I was upset was an understatement. We spoke about it the next day. My Mom completely understood, for which I'm sooo thankful. Since then she has maintained a distance.

Last night we spoke in depth and my Mom opened my eyes to feelings of resentment I didn't even consider could still appear in the future. She's praying for me, and I'd ask that you would as well.

Just like this first bottle is the first step towards my returning to work, our conversation last night was the first step in really recognizing what a major blessing my Mom is to care for Isaac. Thank you for all of your comments regarding the past post as well. They weren't so much of a reality check, as a slap upside the head. Love you guys for that, especially since it brought out more lurkers! :)

Well this post bought me five minutes of distraction. I'm dying to know how it's going.

13 comments:

Bluebird said...

I am so glade that you were able to talk to your mom about how you are feeling and that is seems to be so understanding about it! What a blessing. I definitely pray for all of you as you make your transition back into work.

Meredith said...

Praying for you girl!

Katie said...

I didn't comment last time because I didn't know what to say. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with the baby, but if I had to work my mom or mother-in-law would be my first choices. Easier said than done though, right?

I ended up giving little Juan his first bottle...while holding him. All the wrong things. He took it like a champ and has had no issues, but he LOVES to eat. You may be able to watch or even participate in giving him a bottle. Feel free to go check! :)

Katie said...

I mean I did comment, but not on the your mom watching him part. ;)

Dee said...

Hugs, Leah.

Madeline said...

Virtual hugs coming your way!!! Glad you have such a good relationship with your mom to talk it out!!!

*kimmie* said...

Definitely thinking about you as you make this new transition!

Kaitlyn said...

I'll be praying for you Leah!

Leslie G said...

I know what you mean about missing your child. when I put Cameron to bed at night, I miss him. I love a break, but I want to go get him out of his crib and hold him and kiss him.
And what a blessing it is that your mom is going to care for Isaac! Looks like she did a pretty good job with you. =) And a lot of parents would probably love to have that option as opposed to dropping their kids off at a center. It will get easier!

C said...

SO glad you talked things out with your mom. You're going through tons of changes right now girl- and I happen to think you're doing great. It's not supposed to be easy, but just remember you're never alone. ;)

Nicole-Lynn said...

I'm really sorry, that is wonderful your mom can help you! That is such a blessing!

Cynthia said...

I can only imagine how you're feeling, and what a blessing to be able to talk things through with your mother. I must admit though, when I read the post, part of me thought "how wonderful for your husband", because your son's first bottle is your husband's first time to feed him, and feel that closeness. And ultimately, that could be a wonderful thing for all three of you!

Lisa said...

Thinking of you, Leah... And, I can't tell you enough how much your honesty with battling all of these hurdles is so refreshing. Thank you for sharing with the rest of us :).

 

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