In not so fun news . . .

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I had my first break down the other night. Isaac has been going through a phase in which he's awake for around 4-5 hours, during which he eats 90% of the time and sleeps of fusses the remaining 10%. While this in itself is doable, all of the sudden he is very difficult to put down to sleep for the night. For a few weeks I was very successful on the transition from feeding to getting up from the bed to laying him in the pack and play . . . so far this week, I would say it's been a major FAIL.

It all just came to a head. I've just been trying to do too much. Tony's got his plate extraordinarily full between working two jobs, being the director of a softball league, maintaining the exterior of the house and trying to finish his house projects. So, I try to do everything else, basically everything regarding Isaac, laundry, dishes, meals, shopping and keeping up the house. After 4 failed attempts at putting Isaac down, I finally just lost it. It doesn't help that all of the sudden my back has been going painfully numb due to feeding the bed.

I just dropped to my knees on the side of the bed, with my arms outstretched on the bed in attempt to relieve my back and started sobbing. I just can't figure out why it's been getting more difficult this week. I'm trying so hard. For Isaac. For Tony. So hard. And it just hit like a ton of bricks that my best wasn't good enough. So as Isaac cried his unsatiable cry, Tony did his best to comfort me and again proved to be my rock. God surely knew what He was doing paring us together. Like a miracle worker Tony calmed Isaac and after a period of time was successful his first time at putting Isaac to bed. And then we slept.

To add to the not so funness, I thought I would sprinkle in our plans for Isaac's care when I go back to work. My Mom has done in home day care for the past 20+ years {even winning a provider of the year award this year!} and will be caring for Isaac. Before everyone tells me how great it is, please know that while it is a blessing to not worry about his care or if he is getting care, I still do not see this as great. It still means that I am not with him. That I will be getting a phone call from my Mom to tell me with great excitement what he has accomplished for the first time. But it won't be me as his Mom to witness it, it'll be his Grandma. I'm slowly coming to terms with this, but it isn't easy. From the first day that we brought him home I have been dealing with resentment towards my Mom that she will be the one who gets to be with him {the hormones don't stop with the pregnancy lol!}. It doesn't help that everyone I know either is in a position to quit their jobs or they have 12 weeks. It's just not fair.

The BIG Post

This would be the big post that I have been alluding to. Are you ready? :)

If you've read my about me section, you know entirely way too much about me, including my early love of horses. It's always been a point of contention in our marriage, at least for me, that Tony has never taken me horse back riding. It's always boggled my mind that he hasn't. It's like a guaranteed slam dunk present and yet, never happened. I would just schedule it myself, except for the fact that really that would be robbing him of a fantastic opportunity . . . so instead I've been using the highly ineffective nag, even including family members to put the pressure on. What can I say, sometimes I'm a huge teenage brat. This pressure though, ebbs and flows, it isn't constant by any means.

I could tell something was in the works, but I like surprises. It's always been difficult for me to understand people who try to ruin their own surprises at the expense of the person/people working diligently to keep it under wraps! So that being said I didn't pry when my hubs randomly asked the following questions within a week:

"How much were our tickets to Florida?"
"If you could go anywhere outside of Minnesota within the US, where would you go?"
"How many weddings do we have this summer, I can't remember them all?"

These questions and their orgin are not normal for Tony, so I knew something was up!

Unfortunately, I was none too sweet the day that I found out just how fabulous that something was! It was Wednesday, last week, and we were having friends over for lunch. I woke up at 8:00 in an attempt to shower, get ready, bathe, feed and change Isaac, in addition to sweeping the house and doing the dishes. Tony was due to arrive after 9:30, so I fully anticipated his help . . . which is why I was rather irritated he only showed up at 11:45 before the 12:00 arrival of our friends! Miraculously, I was just finishing the dishes, but in a very annoyed mood. Impervious, my husband did not allow my foul self to ruin the moment. Instead he apologized profusely, handed me a towel to dry my hands and asked that I look at an email on his phone . . .

Entirely confused, nothing could have prepared me to see that the email was ticket confirmations to Denver in August! I started to cry when Tony told me the main reason would be to go horse back riding {and all I wanted was a trail ride at my old stables lol!}.

We're staying at The Westin and will plan on hitting up the Garden of the Gods, Estes Park and many other natural attractions! As for the horseback ride, Tony left it up to me to choose . . . and I found a doozy! We're signed up to do the 10 hour Continental Divide Ride! From the website: You'll experience dramatic landscape variations, from gentle meadows to steep switchback mountain trails, from barren tundra to thickly wooded forests. Join a select few who can say they've ridden across the United States Continental Divide. You'll climb over 4,000 feet within two hours as the mountains wrap around you and you push to the summit where you'll ride above the clouds. Going from an elevation of 8,200 feet to 12,300 feet can mean a dramatic change in the temperature.

The amazing part is that it's only available in August, so it really does seem we were meant to go on this trip!

My hubby definitely made up for the initial years void of horses. :)

One Month

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Can you believe it you guys? From here.

And here.
To this lively little man in a months time. I can't believe how quickly time has passed.
It means that I only have 3 weeks of maternity leave left. I go back on June 15th. I'm playing the lottery religiously until then. I joke, I'm not, but I wish I was and I wish I weren't going back. It would help if I had a job I felt some pride in and enjoyed, but I don't. It's just a job, an ends to a means, which makes it all the more difficult. I never thought I'd be this person.

Four weeks PP shot.
This girl went running around the block last night! It felt phenomenal and terrible equally. I haven't been this out of shape since high school! Gotta build gradually.
The BIG post is yet to come!

So much to say so little time!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Isaac's such a fast growing boy! He's in the 70th percentiles for his length and weight, growing 2 inches from his birth measurement of 19 1/2 inches {which definitely could have been in error}. We really liked the new pediatrician. I love a thorough doctor and she definitely was. She was also strongly recommended by my cousin, whose daughter has an undiagnosed issue. This doctor and my Mom, as her day care provider, were the two that first detected anything was wrong. She asked a million more questions than the other office and I love it!

Isaac's not really on any sort of schedule yet, for those that asked. It's basically eat and sleep as he dictates, with diaper changes thrown in for good measure. The only pattern that I think I've identified is that he's not down for the night until after 1:00, but closer to 1:30. Nursing is still going well, but I haven't started pumping or trying to get Isaac to take a bottle. There are so many psychological battles to get through with that whole process, mainly changing from the mindset that Isaac is solely dependent on me and that with pumping I will be returning to work shortly. I know I need to start, I just don't want to.

Last week we received the most awesome gift from Tony's college buddy in Illinois! I of course did a prerequisite aww when I opened it up, but it wasn't until Tony got home and looked at it that I really got the full value!

He had our last name and Tony's hockey number put on the jersey. Please don't judge me, but it made me tear up lol.
Along the theme of receiving packages, we finally received our crib! I was so excited I took a picture of the box!
What we didn't know is that it should have stayed in the box for poor Tony's sanity. After a 1 1/2 month delay, we received our crib only to find out that the holes had been drilled wrong on the leg posts! Boo to Child Craft. After a quick phone call though, Tony was able to remedy the situation and they are sending us new leg posts.

For now at least I am enjoying seeing some progress in the nursery!
When I nurse Isaac, I'm in one of two places: the couch or the bed. We didn't end up getting a glider, craigslist or otherwise, so I've just been making due. That is until now {kind of}. Last Saturday my brother unexpectly showed up at our house and took my husband away for a few hours. Little did I know that they were traipsing about the Twin Cities looking at gliders! They finally ended up spending over an hour at BRU before deciding on one. I still giggle when I think about the sight of two guys spending that amount of time at BRU on a Saturday. I know they really love me. Levi and Tony split the glider and it will be arriving within a month, hopefully! :)
Also, word to the wise, do not install Carbon Monoxide detectors in dusty areas as the dust will clog the microprocessor and malfunction. Just saying, as we might have personal experience.
I went into to visit my coworkers this week. I planned on going last week, but the week just got away from me. I knew that if I didn't go this week that I wouldn't go in to visit though, as the end of this week turns the corner towards returning. :( My little man will be 4 weeks old on Sunday and I will only have 3 more weeks of leave. I had so much fun seeing everyone and stayed a lot longer than I intended! Oops, no productivity for my friends! :)
I'm so excited for a million reasons, but two being that I get to see Rachel today and finally meet Brighton and that I'm going to pop into Best Buy and get a new point and shoot! We've been without one now since Isaac was born! The third reason I'm excited enough to pee my pants {unrelated to bladder control, as that's gotten a ton better for the record lol} deserves it's own post entirely!

Hello again!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Three weeks PP update.
I may have over done it over the weekend, so I'm easing back into my push-ups, pelvic tilts, curls, tricep extensions and lunges. I added weights to my pelvic tilts probably what did it.

Oh what a sight!

Such a strong guy already!

At the time of the poll my little chunker dunk weighed 9 lbs! Now at just over 3 weeks, Tony just weighed him and he's already just shy of 10 lbs!
We're going in tomorrow to see a new pediatrician. Nothing extremely bad happened with the family doctor we were seeing, but the ball was dropped one too many times for our liking!
Some day i may be able to write a more in depth post, but it won't be today!

Memory Lane: Prom

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I have a baby boy now, you may have seen some pics :), who requires frequent feedings resulting in a lot of Bible reading, google reader checking via my blackberry {for the record, I read most all of your posts, it's just a pain to comment via my bb, so I mainly don't :(} and tons of tv {mostly trashy}.

Since I do keep up with my blog reading {usually in the wee morning hours} and I am watching trashy tv {generally VH1 or MTV, because I'm 25 and have a child, I know}, I remembered Becky posted a Prom pic post because I was watching MTV's TrueLife: Prom. Pathetic I know lol, but the result is this post! :)

The girls on MTV had quite the night, complete with a torrential downpour. How their night was ruined reminded me of my senior prom lol. My hs boyfriend and I went to different high schools and I went to his Senior Prom instead of mine because his sister got married the day of my Senior Prom. It was a pretty terrible night, even though I knew a lot of his friend's. We only danced to one song because he went to the bathroom and social butterfly that he was didn't come back for nearly an hour. I swear I'm not bitter. :)

Anywhoo, here are two pics. If I must confess, I think I may have been more in love with this dress than I was with my wedding dress. There wasn't/isn't a thing I didn't/don't love about it!

Ooh what a perfect pool of blue!
Play along if you will! It's fun to go back down memory lane!

More pics of Mr. Man

Friday, May 15, 2009

If you remember back to these pics, Tony and I were able to score a studio session with my favorite girl Gina back in February. We had a fabulous time with her and ended up identifying a million mutual connections! As often happens, Gina found my blog when I linked back to her's and she's been following ever since. :)

Imagine my surprise to receive an email shortly after Isaac's birth from Gina offering a newborn session. I had your words ready to copy and paste, but I don't know if you would be opposed Gina, so I will just paraphrase that she was compelled to extend the offer due to the encouragement that she has found in my blog.

I think that as bloggers we all struggle from time to time with the why, not wanting it to totally be narcissism alone. And there's truth behind the community that is established, but as a Christian, who I think fails to truly utilize this forum, it was such a blessing to me to hear that my words and quiet faith are making an impact!

So in the end I feel like I'm making out like a bandit to be encouraged AND recieve the following photos and more {she just edited these last night after she left our house!}.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Well, they're a little late in being posted, but there are actual 14 days out shots. I overlayed them with my 1 week pp pics and there is virtuall no change. I guess I wasn't expecting much, but a little something would have helped my spirits lol. {Sorry for the nasty clothes lines, oh well}. Tony's got the basement all ripped apart still so I haven't started walking yet . . . but i have started some push ups and lower body work.
Isaac went in last week to be circumsized. Poor guy. :( We elected to do it outside of the hospital due to cost. We were told that the hospital could have been anywhere from $800-1200 dollars and as most insurances do not cover them anymore it would have been completely out of pocket. I've now been told that was a high estimate, but since the hospital we delivered at is one of the most expensive in the Twin Cities according to mainstreetmedica, I'm sure we would have been close. All said and done it was $270 at the clinic.
Well after a week of healing . . . I wasn't too sure about it. Factor in that my Mom, who had two sons and has done 20+ years of day, said she's "never seen one like that," and you better believe I made a follow up visit. I'm no expert on penis(es) {lol what's the plural of penis?!} and have never seen a newborn's circumsion, so I don't want to screw him up straight off the bat! Thankfully all is well and he's just sporting a little edema, so i can stop worrying about him being made fun of in the locker room lol.
Oh and I just got a phone call from Karen at A Baby's Own Room that the crib is shipping today after manufacturing delays at Child Craft!
There's a new poll!

Mother's Day

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Well, my computer time is obviously not what it once was, so here's a recap of the weekend . . . on Wednesday. :)

Tony was disappointed in himself regarding Mother's Day, as he foiled a few of his own plans . . . mainly by disconnecting our electricity and water for the day and well into the night. He planned on being done on Saturday around 10 . . . which turned into 2 am. I however didn't know all of his plans or timing, so I didn't know when I was supposed to receive what or that I was supposed to have breakfast in bed lol. He more than surpassed any of my expectations, which were non existant lol.

He did get me a beautiful card, outstanding bouquet, gorgeous mother figurine and a touching picture frame, plus bagels! :) The bouquet got an audible gasp.

In celebration of Mother's Day Isaac was all smiles. :)

We definitely do not have enough family pictures, this making #2, since our point and shoot bit the dust somewhere between the hospital and home. :(
We joined my Mom, brother, in-laws and my grandparents at a fabulous Italian joint called Vescio's in St. Louis Park. They have a Mother's Day brunch that is to die for. Literally. They make everything on site and you can tell.
My in-laws end up babysitting my nephew {only 6 months older than Isaac} quite often, so I was a little concerned that they wouldn't want to hold him. Um, that was very silly of me as you can see.
My Mom and brother are quite taken with him as well.
Don't be scared of the Amish man, my grandpa decided this year to grow a beard. I still don't recognize him lol.
Even though it's belated, Happy Mother's Day to all of my Momma's!

Thoughts on Motherhood

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Well, I'm a little more than a week into this gig and I've had more revelations about myself, my husband, my family, my faith and my God than I have experienced in my lifetime before it.

I think there is only one opinion that most can agree with regarding childbirth and motherhood, nothing can prepare you for it. Not your Mom's constant tidbits nor any amount of reading {in fact, I think data dumping only increases the information you'll jumble up lol}.

Everyone's experience is different, but for me, the moment that he was placed in my arms there was instantaneous love. It didn't matter that he was bloody or that his face was swollen. He was mine. As Tony bawled on my shoulder there was no need for words, I could have been robbed of my senses and still experienced the same joy.

Since bringing Isaac home the nights have been very interesting. My body has already aligned itself to his 2 hour schedule {with some varience}, so much so that I wake up on the dot without his crying. I'll often find myself half way to the crib before I realize he hasn't made a peep. I'll lay awake in the dark fitfully sleeping until his little grunts allow me to invade his sleep. Unless, like this morning he sleeps for 3 hours and I haven't woken. Those are the times that I tear out of bed in a panic to assure that all is well. I didn't know it, but apnea is common in newborns since they are still working out the kinks of their respritory system.

I've called the nurse line at the hospital at least 5 times now. There was no gradual progression into being my Mother, it was immediate and I have no shame. There is no shame. I have a newborn that I feel completely inadequate to care for and yet was entrusted with!

The world stops when he smiles. I hear it's gas or at the very least just him trying out different muscles, but I like to entertain the thought that my Mom planted. He smiles when he sees angels. :) It's very peaceful to think that.

Follow up Q's

All things belly:
1). My linea negra showed up around 22 weeks I believe and Kristal, I think you're right. It is darker now.

2). My belly button never completely popped out. It was about as shallow as could be without popping, but never fully became an outtie. At this time it's a little messed up like the rest of my body, but I think it will also make a full recovery. :)

Regarding poo:
1). I did not poop on the table, but as a bubble burster for those of you who have never thought of it, many women do.

I thought I was going to while standing through a contraction, even told the nurse who delivered Isaac and Tony that I was going to. Tony maybe took a step back lol, but the nurse didn't flinch and encouraged me to just go for it while standing . . . it was then that my water broke and she realized I wasn't going to poop, it was his head crowning! I totally forgot to share this part lol. The nurse was yelling at me to get on the bed so that she could check me, while pushing against my thighs to make me sit and I was literally screaming at her that I couldn't {still thinking I needed to poop, because c'mon why would I want to poop on the bed?!}. When I finally relented to sit, my feet came out from beneath me due to my standing in my water. If Tony weren't there to catch me and hold me against the bed I shudder to think what may have happened if I fell with Isaac's head crowning.

2). The first poop is built up as a horrible horrible experience and as one who successfully avoided hemorrhoids during the pregnancy and delivery I was scared to cause them. Thankfully the hospital does supply you with stool softener. It is your friend. Use it, pass gas and when the time comes, just go for it. It wasn't a relief to go, but it had to be done and once behind you you'll feel more confident for the next time lol. Yes, this is a motivational paragraph regarding pooping. What has this blog come to?

Ways to incur my wrath.

Monday, May 4, 2009

The picture has nothing to do with the post lol. I just wanted to include it.

I wanted to share with you Tony's major slip ups . . .

At the hospital as we're leaving I showed him my stomach, as it was no longer cloaked in a hospital gown . . . what did my prince share with me as encouragment?

"It's going to shrink more, right?"

DOH! I knew what he meant, but man, the delivery was poor! He wanted to confirm that I wasn't at my starting point yet, but that my uterus would continue to shrink lol.

And to follow that up, on Saturday he comes bounding up the stairs to inform me that my precious new son is 6 days old! As if I weren't already well aware. Every night at 1:17 I note the passing of a new day . . . but that's not where he stopped. Giddy with his newfound enlightenment on time, in an upbeat voice he questioned:
"You know you're already one week into maternity leave, right?!"

Again, like I need to be reminded that I'm already 1/6th of the way through the most amazing bonding time I will have with our first born.

I wanted to hit him so badly, luckily my looks can deliver an equally painful blow.

One week post partum & recovery

As I think we can all agree, there is a gross lack of information regarding post partum recovery. Whether it is solely because most new mother's hole up until their child is older, thus depriving society from their no longer pregnant body or because we're inudated with images of celebrities mere weeks after delivery in tip top shape, it is clear that Americans have severely unrealistic expectations.

So in my attempt at continued honesty, my one week post partum belly pic.(For the record the linea negra will remain for months to come, luckily I don't mind it, but some women hate it!)

If this subject intrigues you or you yourself are pregnant and would like to better prepare yourself for you soon to be reality, please check out this site {not suitable for work}. I think it's contributors do a fantastic job of presenting many truths regarding the new mother's body.

Your body after the baby . . .

Literally seconds after delivering I did not care who or what was going on in my lower half. I felt nothing, other than the shakes. There was no residual pain {thank you Lord for this amazing body}. I laid with my feet still in the stirrups for a good 15 minutes until the doctor finally arrived to do the clean up.

I had a "just barely" 2nd degree tear, for those of you who are new to this, the scale is 1-4, 4 being the most severe. I thought the amount of time the doc spent stitching me up felt extraordinarily long given that it was only a 2nd. Absolutely ridiculous, but after having a 13 1/2 head make it's way down, causing the pain that it did, I was more scared about the doctor injecting the novacaine to numb me up! The stiches will dissolve and do not require too much care. Initially I felt some burning or stinging throughout the first day, but I only took one dose of ibuprophen. I kept forgetting, so it really wasn't that bad!

The first time I got up to got to the bathroom I peed my pants {err gown}. I didn't even realize I was going. Delivery causes a bit of havoc on your bladder, sensation and muscle control. Kegels are my best friend and I haven't had a repeat occurence.

Breastfeeding has been the challenge I was told to expect, but extremely rewarding. The day before my milk came in was definitely the most difficult. I was literally feeding him every hour. I was told that his latch looked great, so I think it was just the frequency . . . but the boy did A LOT of damage! Tony wanted to cry for me looking at my nipples. Thankfulyl we're past that!

Post partum bleeding is not fun and neither is trying to establish what is an acceptible flow and what is too much! I'm hoping it will taper off soon, I'd rather there only be one in our family wearing diapers. :)

I've also had a bit of the baby blues. Yesterday we had a full house, which should equate to my feeling very loved, right? Or the worst night ever emotionally, when Tony had to leave for softball. I was a teary mess when he came home. He's still my rock though and has been a great comforter.

Um, I think that's it? Any specific questions you guys have? If you want you can email me, so that it doesn't have to be broadcast that you want to know?

Happy Due Date!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Well today was supposed to be my due date . . . I rather like that I'm already holding him. :)

The changes from day to day are astounding. And for those of you with baby fever, I kind of apologize. {for those of you with more than baby fever and are dealing with IF, I do apologize}

Three days old:

Four days old:


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