Heat register sulking.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I'm in a funk you guys and I can't quite shake it. I know what the quick fix is, to spend more time in the word and pursue my relationship with God, but I'm not doing it.

It's like when I was in 7th grade. I was the only girl at my small private school without a boyfriend and one of my supposed "best friends" was going out with the guy I'd had a crush on since Kindergarten {yes, the school was really that small and yes she was well aware of my crush}. So I of course flirted with every other boy and presented myself as the fun girl every chance that I could get right? Wrong. I sulked, for the whole two months that they were going out. I sat on the heat register by the exit doors of the school in hopes that my friends would see how upset I was or best case, that he would notice how distraught I was by his choice in girlfriend.

Every day for two months, I literally just sat there and hoped that someone would pay attention to me, only to tell them "I'm fine." After two weeks, no one asked me anymore, everyone was used to me being a bump on the log. Eventually, I realized I was being a baby {or they broke up, one of the two} and I gave up my heat register sulking days.

I still reflect back on that time period, because it sadly took a few months for me to realize that all I did was hurt myself. I did not successfully show my friends that I was hurting nor did I garner any special attention from them and at the core, that's really what I wanted more than my crush.

I'm kind of doing the same thing right now. I have a social life, I'm just not making the most of it. I'm blessed with a beautifully easy pregnancy and yet I still want more from the experience. I have the most hard working man that I know as my doting and loving husband and yet I want more from him. All I'm doing is hurting myself by refusing to embrace these things for what they are and seeking the more from Him alone. This world can not fulfill me.

26 comments:

Mrs. A said...

as you recently commented to me I have so been there.

Sometimes what works for me is just to sit back and marvel at everything wonderful in my life.

Praying for you.

Chelsea said...

Great backstory, because I know exactly how you feel and that explained it pretty perfectly. Sometimes we just get in funks and we don't appreciate the things that we DO have because we want so much more- and I think that is okay. You know in your heart that you are lucky for what you have, but there is nothing wrong with wanting more- we all want more. I think the hard part is just figuring out what it is that you want, deciding whether or not it's possible, and trying for it. I'm thinking of you!

Brittany Schell said...

I totally understand what you mean. I am dealing with the same thing. Trying to find that something more in my job or in my husband, and don't get me wrong, those are both things I love, but they can't provide that fulfillment.
Only the Lord can.

Chelsie said...

I have been going in out of the same funk for the last month or so, like there has to be something more than this? Which is so hard to admit and say because I have been blessed in so many ways but it just never feels enough. You are right by saying the only way out is by prayer and spending more time with God. I will be praying for you!

Leah said...

I can totally relate. Sometimes I get in the same kind of funk, and although I'm aware of my blessings, it seems like I can only focus what I don't have.

You really hit the nail on the head when you said the world can not fulfill you. Just remember who you are and whose you are. Of course it can be hard to focus on these things but I'll certainly be praying for you. I think we all experience this sometimes.

Sarah said...

Aw Leah, I wish you didn't feel this way! Unfortunately I can relate to your feelings. I am hoping that things get better for you! I know that we have never "met" in real life, but if you ever want to meet up for coffee or something sometime, just let me know. I am a great listener.

C said...

Girl, we've all been there- you're not alone. You're on the right track though- keep your focus on the things God has blessed you with & make yourself spend some time with him. Not sure if it's a good idea being pregnant or not, but fasting is a great way to shake a funk. I'm actually fasting today, and will lift you up in prayer! :) Lots of love from an online friend! :)

Jennifer said...

I totally understand how your feeling!! I wish I could help you get out of your funk.

abby said...

It's a curse to know what will get you out of a funk yet just not have the energy/motivation/right mind to do it. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and hope it passes soon! Praying for you!

Marge said...

I am so there with you. I know that actively pursuing my relationship with my Creator is the only thing that can fill me but I long for more out of everything/one else. I find myself especially doing that with my husband. Oh the ways that Satan will creep into our lives to drive a wedge into our marriages which he so greatly seeks to destroy. I will pray for you tonight and I so appreciate your open and honest reflection.

Rachel said...

Leah I am going through SO MUCH of the same right now. And while I am actively spending time with GOd, I still know I could be doing more (always)....it's so hard.

Sarah said...

There must be something in the air, because I too have been walking around in a funk. There are so many days when I know I should spend time in prayer or reading the Bible, and I simply don't. I know deep down it will help me, but I choose not to. I get spiritually lazy.

Don't be hard on yourself--you'll come through this.

The Branches said...

I think everyone feels the same way at some point...I don't think this world is supposed to fulfill you, that is why we have Heaven to look forward to :)

Ashley said...

I relate to this post on so many levels, you have no idea. I have the problem of having high expectations....big time. Praying for you!

Joi said...

You're always in my thoughts, Leah.

Here's hoping your heart is satisfied and you can kick this little funk :)

fallgirly said...

I really think it's hormones. One day I'm ecstatic about what is going to come in several weeks and the next minute I am scared out of my mind and feel like my whole world is crashing in. I cycle these moods daily. You are so not alone!

Kaitlyn said...

Oh Leah. You are so spot-on. This world is so un-fulfilling, and I am so glad that we have the Father to fill us to the brim :). I read the Word and pray daily, but there are times I'm going through the motions. I will be praying for you to find your way out of this funk and to God, and to achieve some serenity!

Cynthia said...

De-lurking, because this is something that definitely resonates with me, and I appreciate your honesty. I know when these feelings creep in, I reflect on the Prodigal Son, but I've often reflected on the message of the older son at the end. His brother has returned, and he is frustrated and angry {or even sulky} when he should feel joyful and celebrate. I know I often feel sulky when I should feel joyful, and always wonder if he accepts the invitation of the father to go in, and join the celebration. The passage doesn't really say definitively if he goes in. Sometimes I know I do go in, and other times I stumble, always mindful of that invitation.

Hope you find less sulky days soon!

Meredith said...

I SO know the feeling of this funk.

You deserve major credit for even realizing that you're IN this funk. I think you're right though...pursuing your relationship with God is a great step right now, as is actively listing all the blessings in your life, as you've done here in this post!

Freckles Chick said...

I agree, at least you're acknowledging your funk. And that's a step in the right direction =)

I hear ya though. No matter how charmed my life can sometimes be, I have a pessimistic, worrying side that always wants more. Sadly at times, it takes someone else's misfortune to make me realize how I should feel blessed w/ what I have.

Hang in there, girl!

Crystal said...

Hugs to you... we've all been there... and some of us are there more than others... I'm thinkin about ya!

Leah said...

I just tagged you on my blog. =)

kathleen said...

You and I had very similar childhood experiences, I think. I am a pro at heat register sulking.

hopeful #1 said...

I love the story from your past... it totally helps to put this into perspective!

We've all been there... some more often than they'd like to admit but still there...

Here's hoping this feeling doesn't stick around too long for you...

P.S. I tagged you on my blog! ;)

Beth Ann said...

Leah -- I'm sorry you are in a funk. I can relate. I also appreciated your backstory. I was so that girl when I was younger. I'm praying for you.

Thanks for the kind comment on my last post. It really meant a lot to me. Also, thank you for suggesting your friend's blogs. I plan on catching up and becoming a reader to her private blog this weekend. Hopefully, I will be able to find some inspiration from her.

I know when I see a comment from you, it's always going to make me smile. I look forward to them!

AmberDenae said...

I can so relate to this post. I feel like you just described my current situation, for real!

You're so right, no matter how hard we try to fulfill ourselves with earthly things, we will be so dissatisfied. I am the same way though. I constantly seek approval from man rather than from who it truly matters. It's a great concept but one that can be so incredibly hard to grasp.

Loved this.

 

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