How can I be more honest?

Monday, January 19, 2009

The lovely little d.a.r awarded me this scrap metal award and while I'm usually so good at ignoring awards, I thought I'd like to participate in this one!

The rules are as follows:

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

So here goes . . .

1). Sometimes I've overwhelmed with the thought that Tony may love me more than I love him. I am quick to remind myself though that falling in love, being in love and actually loving someone are all very different. Loving someone is a choice you not only make daily, you must make hourly, if not by the minute, in order to affirm that love.

2). I've never had a hero. Some of my best creative writing came from writing essays about my hero, as we so often had to do growing up. I never had a subject, so I just had to come up with someone I could make a supporting arguement for.

3). Motherhood is not something I ever aspired to accomplish. I did not dream of this day fast approaching. I knew I would someday be a mother, but I always second guessed my mothering ability. To some extent I still do.

4). About this time every year I go through an identity crisis, usually stemming from my hatred towards my physical self. It generally takes a few days of wallowing before I finally remember that it's the middle of winter in Minnesota, I'm beyond pale, my body isn't toned and my hair color no longer compliments my skin tone. It's generally fixed by a cut and color appointment, which I have scheduled next week curtesy of my Mom, again.

5). Sometimes I think my friends over-estimate what I am truly capable of, but I rarely think that I am under-estimating what I can deliver.

6). If I could eat Thai food for one meal everyday for the rest of my life, I would never get sick of it.

7). I love photography, I just don't know it's place in my life.

8). Sometimes I feel as though when reading your blog's that you are having a literal conversation with me. And I truly mean me, not the blogging community, just me.

9). I seem to attract fake friends. You know, the ones who always want to get together with you, but if they were facing a terrible situation they would never call on your for help, instead they would sit there with a smile on their face and say that everyting was "fine." I hate that. It has nothing to do with being stubborn or having a lot of pride and everything to do with not letting people in. These fake friends also seem to be the hardest to shake. I'm sorry, but if you can't tell me you're frickin pissed about something in your life, I don't want to hear how glossy perfect it is either.

10). I truly do have a tendency to overshare in real life. The honesty that so often I hear praise for in comments to this blog provides a lot of humor, but almost equal amounts of pain to those I get to call my friends in real life.

Holy crap, that was sporadic.

Now I call on these beauties: amberdenae, chelsie, meredith, erin, chelsea, sarah, kaitlyn, andrea, julia, and kristal.


beckylbranch said...

Well, I think you will be a great mother, and although I don't know you personally it's just a vibe I get ;) And I can relate to the photography thing...I love taking pictures and all, but I don't know what to do with all of that and usually I just end up deleting them or something...I guess that's what blogs are good for, a creative outlet or something! Well, hope you are having a good Monday :)

fallgirly said...

Wow Leah, we have a lot more in common that I thought. #3 is a big one I'm dealing with, just haven't figured out how to say it in words, you do so well. #5 is a biggie for me too! I'm so glad I found you on here, it really comforts me to see someone who has the same fears and we're doing this together...kinda...okay #8 hits home too!

d.a.r. said...

I love it, what a real post! I feel the exact same way about my husband sometimes, and it is overwhelming to think that he loves me more than I love him. Not that I don't adore him to pieces, but it's just kind of terrifying at times to think that someone loves me so very much.

Kaitlyn said...

Thank you Leah! I agree with Branches, I get this feeling you'll be a wonderful mother. I feel the same way about the seasonal identity crisis-- my doesn't typically end until spring/summer though! Also, I could have written #10 myself.

Leah said...

I am definitely with you on #4. In the winter, I start feeling horrible about myself! Mine is usually also solved with a trip to the salon.

Great post!

Unknown said...

You will be a wonderful mother!!

I love Thai food that much too...I would be perfectly happy eating it every single day!

Trisha said...

hey leah...just wanted to say that I love reading your blog..and i can totally relate to your truths ;) especially the MN one..argh..i'm feeling very yuck right now. you, me, and chris should go out sometime and share our truths ;)

Unknown said...

Thanks dearie :)

I can totally relate about the identity crisis this time of year.

J said...

I could of written #9!!

Miss said...

first of all, I was so surprised to see all these comments before me as I REALLY thought you were talking to just me!! =)(yeah, I do the same thing)

But, really what I wanted to say is that I KNOW Bill use to love me more than I loved him...this is not the case anymore. God has done a wonder in my spirit towards him. Now, he is TOTALLY IT for me! =)

Courtney said...

I just love your blog. You're so honest. So I hate to bog you down with yet another award that you'll probably ignore (lol!) but here it is:
You've got great gratitude and attitude. That's why I nominated you. Come see!

ezza said...

you will be a great mother! you already are by taking care of yourself now!

Erin said...

I would totally respond to this tag but last time, I scared my mother too much with my "honesty" :) Therein lies the problem with having your whole family read your blog!!

Rachel L said...

I soooo feel you on 6, 7, 9 and 10-especially 9 !!! I hate that! why do people feel like they need to do that crap, I mean seriously how can I (or anyone) relate to someone who seems perfact all the time...I secretly think they do it to make the rest of us insecure lol!

Rachel L said...

I soooo feel you on 6, 7, 9 and 10-especially 9 !!! I hate that! why do people feel like they need to do that crap, I mean seriously how can I (or anyone) relate to someone who seems perfact all the time...I secretly think they do it to make the rest of us insecure lol!


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