My boob, it's peeling.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Now, my friendly bloggers, you may be scratching your heads, wondering how it could be that one as pasty as myself would attempt a tan, knowing full well the result would be a sunburn . . . but no, you'd be mistaken. Tanning is not the culprit.

Any guesses as to how this came about?

Non pregnancy related guesses, because this has nothing to do with those mysteries?

No guesses, no clue?

How about a week ago I dropped my curling iron on my boob.

Not what you were thinking? Hah! It was the day of Bridgit, so it slipped through the crack . . . but it definitely left a mark (literally). It's uh, been an experience.

Oh and the best part, when I told my Mom she honestly wasn't sure if I dropped it or if I miscalculated how large my breasts are now and managed to burn myself in raising my arm!

It's been awhile.

Friday, November 28, 2008

You guys will never know how much I drew upon your support this week. The hardest times for me always seemed to be unexpected, but don't get me wrong, the expected were extremely difficult as well.

- Opening the bathroom door or coming home to the sight of two cats. Only two. The third wasn't coming.

- Allie searching the house for Bridgit. I think I was close to a breakdown telling Allie that Bridgit was gone.

I'm constantly replaying of the moment I knew she was gone. The second she went from my beloved companion to a forever treasured memory. Knowing that I caused it. Searching her eyes and just knowing, that knowledge she wasn't there. It's something that I thought would haunt me, but I'm already starting to desensitize myself to it. My mind has had it on the same loop for so long now that I'm starting to feel like it was a scene in a movie, but not something that I actually had to experience.

Lucy has been sleeping in Bridgit's place in bed. Mainly in my arms, but sometimes lower by my legs. It brings me so much comfort, I sometimes have to force myself to remember that it's not Bridgit, but as each night ends I'm becoming more okay with Lucy filling the void.

Tony has continued to be my rock. He shared last night that he had an extremely hard time closing her box alone. I placed her in it in the house, but asked that he not close it in my sight. I just couldn't see that. I wanted my final image of her to be curled in a ball, much like how she would normally sleep. I didn't realize how much pain I caused Ton to do that act himself.

The healing has started, but I'm praying that I'll be able to forgive myself soon. It doesn't matter that I should, or that I did the humane thing. Grief doesn't have to make sense. It's just how you're feeling. Sometimes it makes sense and adds up, but most often it doesn't.

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Work has been dreadful. I don't even think I could describe how horrible one of my bosses is. He is the most ego-centric, pompous ass that I have ever met. But I have a job. I'm trying to keep that in focus.
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My camera is $530. Tony won't budge.
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I'm supposed to have a belly pic up today . . .but my camera battery went dead and my charger is at work.
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I never did announce the answer to my poll. Sadly it was not all of the above, although that proved to entertain the majority! :) Tony was the one to be looking at me through the binoculars (not a rifle scope!). I'm not going to count farting because that really didn't take up more than a few seconds. :) It was kegels!

And later in the day.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

AJ got me out of the house today, she lured me away from my day of reminscing and prolonged crying by promising baby socks. It worked.

We talked about Bridgit a bit, but thankfully there's a huge difference between blogging and real life. There's only so long that you can dwell on the same subject, especially when that subject is the death of a cat, in public, without crying.

She made me laugh, smile and gorge myself on food {okay, that I willingly did}. I think I forgot to mention my diet the past few days. Thursday's dinner consisted of a DQ chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard with chocolate soft serve, with some restraint I ordered the small. Yesterday, the only food that touched my lips was macaroni and cheese {spirals of course} and a bag of green beans at dinner. Today again, I ate my food in one meal. I need to get over this for the baby's sake.

I was doing pretty good until I got home again. I immediately went to grab the mail and wasn't prepared for a card from my Grandma, consoling me on the loss of a pet. My relationship with Bridgit inspired her to get a cat, so I should have expected it I guess. My Grandma is also one of those card hoarders, always with a birthday card on hand for the occassion. You know she didn't just have a pet sympathy card lying around the house. It's so much the thought that counts. I was bawling walking up the sidewalk without even reading her message.

Much the same as I opened my GoogleReader. I may not be commenting on all posts and may seem bi-polar by the ones that I do comment on, but reading your comings and goings remind me that life is continuing just the same as it was yesterday. I had my responses to Sarah and Chelsie's posts just as I normally accumulate my thoughts as I read down . . . until I came to the end. Again, I wasn't prepared for the kindness. It means so much to me.

You guys have just been the greatest support. Even Tony, who isn't allowed to read my blog, but knows who you are through my retelling, suggested early yesterday that I needed to blog. Even without fully knowing, Tony still understands how amazing you guys are.

Almost 24 hours later.

This is so hard. So so very hard. I want to crawl into a hole, but it can't be my bed, because my bed is where she's supposed to be.

She was there for almost every major moment of my life, save my parents divorce and my freshman and sophomore years of college. So faithful, so consistent. Always there when I cried.

One second she was there, literally in my arms, figuratively everywhere I looked . . . and then supposedly with my blessing, she left me, and now my mind just plays tricks on my me.

I didn't do much other than cry yesterday. Again, not in bed, I couldn't face the bed, but on the couch. I didn't face the bed until about 10:30 last night. I couldn't get comfortable, my arms didn't know where to go. Tony joined me a few minutes after I'd tried unsuccessfully. I was quietly crying, but lost it when he came up behind me and intertwined his arms with mine. He wasn't supposed to be able to do that. That action would disturb Bridgit. His arms, while comforting me, were screaming at the same time, "She's gone!" I attribue your prayers to how quickly sleep fell upon me while crying, it seemed mercifully fast.

The house seems too quiet. There is no clomping of her back claws as she makes her way up and down the stairs {she could no longer take them normally, so her back legs kind of hopped down}, no pestering meowing for me every time I go into the kitchen {an attempt to score any kind of additional food}, the ping of her front feet on the water bowl {as she always managed to hit it as she did the traditional scrape before drinking}. I can't go to the bathroom in peace, either because as soon as I open the door, I'm assaulted by the sight of two, not three cats. The heat has come on a few times as I write this and I should see her, right now in front of the register. I should, I should.

Tony's been so good to me, grabbing me and holding me when I need it, saying all of the right things {I love him, but he doesn't normally say the right thing}. I just can't open up to him. He's sharing his remorse with me, and aside from crying with him, I can't verbalize any of these feelings. Did I say that she slept with me Thursday night, in it's entirety? The whole night, in my arms. I just don't know who I am. How could I have done this to my Bitty Kitty? Who is this person? I want her back. I wasn't ready.

To you readers, please know how much I appreciate your comments. They are what build a community out of blogging and honestly, aside from my family, you have provided more support than my most of my friends IRL. I just want to say, that this post really is for me. I know when blogs turn too negative that they can be a drain to read. I thought about turning the comments off for this just to save some of you the pain of conjuring up a response. I hope you understand when I say, I really don't need it. I just needed to get these thoughts out. If you're over the cat grief, I completely understand and I covet your position, someday, hopefuly soon, I'll be there too.

She's gone.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Tony took this last night when he came home late from hockey. Excuse my disheveled appearance, but it's a great example of what I'm going to miss the most, my living, loving security blanket.

I think Lucy is also going to struggle with the loss of Bridgit. She often slept by her side and would from time to time entangle themselves.
I think I spent the majority of tears this week while driving. I'm thankful, because even so, the time I spent in the office this morning was torturous. My emotions were just like nauesa, I knew I was going to combust into tears, just like one knows before they're going to throw up.

We got home at about 11:00 this morning before the appointment, and I got to spend a lot of time with Bridgit. We even napped for a bit, so I could curl her into my arms. After our nap, Tony and I cranked the heat up because she loved {this past tense just broke me} to sit in front of the heat registers.

I'm so very glad we chose to have the vet come to our home. I absolutely could not imagine it any other way. He came a little late, but that was just unexpected precious time with Bridgit. So I just sat and sat with Bridgit as she enjoyed the warmth. I got to pet and talk with her. For the injections, I got to hold Bridgit in my arms, first as she slipped under the control of the injection to make her sleepy and finally as the vet administered the euthanasia. It was far too quick. Far too. I don't think I could tell her enough how good she was or how much I loved her.

The vet was like a shadow, moving very quickly and precisely. He said some very appropriate words, but thankfully knew that they would not be enough to console, so he didn't try. Within a minute of his announcing she had passed he was already gone, allowing Tony and I to greive together.

I've never heard the sounds that I was making, atleast not coming from my body. Tony's heart was also breaking. He's always been great with my cats, but they've always been my pets. He made it very clear today how much he loves them and especially Bridgit. The man didn't cry on our wedding day, not even when I was crying, but he let his heart go today.

I'm okay right now, the tears are intermittent, but I fear the worst is yet to come. Tonight, when I'm forced to face the fact that she's really gone. No warm body.

I genuinely appreciate and am drawing upon the knowledge that I have so many of you praying for me and willing me through this situation. Please, please know how appreciative I am.

16w4d

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I really, really wasn’t kidding that the farm fare did me in, was I? Baby bless is now at a substantial 4.3 to 4.6 inches and now weighs about 2.8 ounces. Holy crap! Fine hair called lanugo covers the baby boy, fingernails are well formed and the arms and legs may be seen moving on an ultrasound. Plus he already has his own unique fingerprint pattern, which if you didn’t know {as I didn’t!} are formed when he basically “swims” through the amniotic fluid, the delicate skin is impressed to form the fingerprint pattern {which is the reason why even identical twins do not share similar fingerprints}. Baby bless can hold his head erect and he can also make faces with his slightly developed facial muscles, so he’s busy practicing squinting, frowning and opening and closing his mouth. Personally I can’t wait for the smiles! :)

The annoying comments have kept coming, although these may just be worse because I know who’s delivering them . . .

Situation #1
Not friend #1: (Haha) So . . . two lunches again today?
Me: Well, it’s healthy choice soup and a healthy choice/smart ones frozen! It barely even adds up to a regular meal!

This has occurred 3 times now! I’ve finally taken to eating my healthy choice soup upstairs and the later portion downstairs, because she just keeps commenting away! I’m not counting calories, but I’m eating healthy which usually means lower calories, which usually means I need to eat more! And this woman has had 2 kids of her own!

Situation #2
Me: Well, I’m off for the night. I’ve got a date with The Biggest Loser and my treadmill!
Not friend #2 (same who berated me for the diet pop wish): Leah! You’re not supposed to be losing weight!

Gah. No crap, dumbo. I would venture to guess if I came in eating fast food, she would also warn me that I can’t gain too much weight either!

Sorry, I do feel better now that I spouted those off. :)

In related news, the constipation is not so bad anymore, neither is my boob soreness . . . unless you count when I actually wear a real bra. I finally figured out why that does it work, due to the fact that the cup now fits a good two inches into my boob, instead of actually, well you know, cupping! Ouch! So I’ve taken to sports bras again.

There’s been no progress on the name front, although I think we both still agree on the middle name. I think.

There also has not been any progress on the nursery development. If you remember we’re redoing our 4 x 5.5 bathroom and will be knocking out the closet of the nursery to do so. Meaning the nursery can not be worked on until the bathroom is completed . . . and your guess is as good as mine on that!

I really appreciate all of your support and prayers regarding Bridgit. I know that I keep bringing it up, but I’m kind of in disbelief that it’s actually happening. I get extremely nauseated just thinking about it, so please, continue to pray for me. Last night I woke up several times just to cuddle her closer. Trying to enjoy every minute of my 2nd to last night. At one point she started purring, which in all honesty I’ve been trying to get her to do for the past month. It gave me peace and tore my heart at the same time. I needed to hear it more than anything, but it makes me cry just to think that she was simply purring in contentment to be held in my arms. To know that that simple fact made her that happy and to know what I’m going through with. I just can’t handle this pain.

Obviously,

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I did not get to my follow up posts last night, although I did eat a fantastic dinner, managed to get out 3 miles and indulge in Biggest Loser. :)

Vicky is not quite as psychotic as I thought she was, but last night was definitely an different episode. I wish that Amy could have gathered her courage again, but understand that last week's decision was difficult enough and had a much greater consequence than knocking Vicky off this week.

Most importantly, an appointment has been made for Bridgit that will not be cancelled. On Friday at 12:00 (Central) a veterinarian from our local clinic will be coming to our home. I have 2 more nights with the most constant and loyal friend that I've ever experienced {in a few years Tony will surpass her! :)}. Once again, I'd welcome your prayers that she would die peacefully with me before that time and if that is not the case, please pray for me on Friday.

Let's see how many posts I can write today?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I've missed a few awards and blithefully ignored a few taggings, which I promise I will get to . . . potentially tonight. However, I do have a very important date with my treadmill and horrendously psychotic Biggest Loser contestant!

And keep your car comments coming! Obviously, I need some help in this department! :)

Oh and just for fun, there's a poll to the right.

Praise the Lord!

Thank God almighty, the Vue is sold! I hated the fact that I just complained about it on here, without disclosing that we were actually trying to do something about it. We listed it on a few local sites and while I love all of you {or atleast the 1/3 of you that I know! Sorry lurkers, there's just so many of you now!}, I just didn't want any random creeper to try to contact me through the information disclosed.

Anywhoo, a woman came to test drive it today and we settled on $10,200. It's a loss of about $3,000 in 4 months, but it's worth it.

Finally, it appears this chapter will close and in all honesty, I'm ready to throw away the book.

Our plan now is to get a Honda/Toyota/Saab/Volvo/VW/Buick with miles, pay it off quickly and then continue to save our "payment" amount in an account specifically for purchasing our next vehicle. It's a simple plan made popular by Dave Ramsey and Tony is suddenly gung-ho on DR. Seriously gung-ho. And while I could be happier if he'd signed on when I was very fiscally aware and wanted to do things with our money last year, I guess better late than never!

Background to corrupt tongue.

Monday, November 17, 2008

In regards to my Ephesians post, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my emotions and reactions. Sure I’ve got hormones, but I’ve also got a killer tongue and I’m having extreme trouble differentiating the two lately. All of my life I’ve heard from my Mom, “You sound just like your Dad.” I don’t think it needs to be explained that she is not complimenting me.

My husband has such a great heart. I know there are plenty of happily married women reading this who think the same of their man, but I literally know no man of the same caliber. He is without compare. God created him to compliment me, equipping him to support, encourage and love me like no other, on the flip side, He also provided within Tony the depth of character to handle me at my worst . . . sometimes that is without complaint and other times, he asserts his authority. Last night was one such night and I would be the first to admit I was acting like a brat. We generally have out all of our disagreements at that time and place, but I just didn’t have it in me last night . . . so we went to bed angry. I can literally count the number of times this has occurred in our marriage. Notice I said went to bed angry, not to sleep, as sleep did not bless my mind for quite sometime. It proved very elusive as I managed to drag myself through the mire of terrible words I’d showered the love of my life with. I’m tired this morning, but I can deal, as it was the result of my heart to heart with both myself and God.

To say that we woke up on opposite sides of the bed this morning would be an understatement, it felt like we were in separate beds. I’m not proud to say that I did not apologize, but I didn’t have the words, so we went through the motions of getting ready this morning, both knowing what was off. I think we spoke 4 times to each on the drive into work, but slowly drug ourselves out of our self involved issues as the work day progressed. Which means that I still have not apologized . . . but I’m working my way there and have a new favorite verse to boot.

I’m not a girly girl, that may be hard to convey through the internet, but I’m not. Sure I love some fashion, a dabble of gossip, but that about does it. I really do hate the color pink, I’m not gushy with my friends, and I’d say only two close friends have ever received the brunt of my bared heart. I'm not one to compliment easily. Let it be known if I praise a cut/color, shirt or otherwise, it is truly from the heart. So I get really hung up on that last bit. Good for necessary edification. I am not an edifier. It does not come naturally to me. It’s my new challenge, to use my words to uplift my husband. To let them be a gift to him, instead of a burden to bear or a sting to rub away.
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

Ephesians 4:29

From The Message:
Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

I don't know about you, but I needed this reality check today.

Buck Hunter, I'm not.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Well, Tony, my Dad and myself are all back and accounted for safely. My brother hung around for the final sunset hunt and should be home in a few hours. At that time I can rest easy. I really appreciate any and all of you who offered up a few for us, my anxiety really does seem to get worse every year!

So, I was wrong, I recounted and it has been 8 years since I shot a deer . . . a number that I no longer have to add on to! Friday night, I shot a small doe. No small feat, considering we somehow managed to leave home without my rifle clip! Meaning, I had one shot. Just one. And luckily, I made it count with no need to shoot again or additional suffering to the doe. It ended very quickly. To make me even more happy, even though there were tags to fill, since I shot one of my tag, I could respectfully bow out from the morning hunt. For the first time since I started hunting at age 14, I got to sleep in. It was glorious and I did it again this morning. :)

I had a bit of a scare this morning though after Tony text messaged me to see if my Dad had come in from hunting. I replied that he had, followed by a text of Rachel's beautiful baby boy, followed by a text asking him when he was coming in. This spanned 40 minutes and without a single response I started to get very worried. My Dad called Tony with no reponse which only increased my sense of dread, until we were able to raise someone at the house who told us that Tony was at the farm!

Within two minutes he was at the cabin and I'd quickly changed from scared about my beloved, to slightly peeved. As soon as he walked in he could tell I was upset so . . . I told him, "Now I'm annoyed you're alive." Lol, and if you needed any additional insight into our marriage that should about sum it up. :) And it should be noted he laughed in response.

No clip for me. :(

Where it all went down.

Orange is not my favorite color, but I proudly wear it.

P.S. For all of you bump watchers, stay tuned for my belly pic this week. I'm fairly certain I made some good headway filling up on farm fare this weekend. There wasn't a veggie besides potatoes in sight and everything is made with half and half . . . including cereal.

Well, it's that time again . . .

Friday, November 14, 2008

Deer hunting that is. Opener was last weekend, but we allow the family who's farm we crash to have full opportunity to nab the first deer. Due to the warm fall we've been having and the poor weather conditions last weekend, the harvest was 17% below average. Experts are saying that the numbers indicate a larger harvest this weekend, but that over all we will be below projected numbers.

I know that my hunting may offend a number of you readers, but really, it is a necessity. Without natural predators to keep the deer population at a number that the woods can feed, the two options are starving deer or death by vehicle. I don't think there is a Minnesotan who doesn't have a relative or friend that has experienced hitting a deer, or hitting one themself! Additionally, we love venison and make full use of it! Steaks, sausage, jerky, it's all good.

I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself, as hunting is a tradition that I have known my entire life. For example, in celebration of my birth my Dad bought me a .20 gauge shotgun. Yeah, I know. Crazy. The companionship and stories told while hunting always make the time enjoyable. In fact that's why I keep going out, seeing as how I haven't shot a deer in 7 years!

I love that it is something I can enjoy with my Dad, brother and Tony. It's very unique I think and extremely special to me. However, as I've gotten older, I have a much harder time getting out into the woods with three of the men most dear to my heart. I wouldn't hunt with them if I didn't think they were extremely safe hunters, and we hunt on private property, surrounded by private property, but accidents are accidents. Unfortunately accidents while hunting are also deadly. When I was younger I'd say my prayers were 70/30, please let me shoot a deer/safety related. Now I'd say my prayers are 90/10, safety/it'd be nice to see a deer.

So again, I'm asking for prayer. Just keep us in mind this weekend and for that matter all hunters in general.

I'll leave you with a semi crappy pic of the Belgian Stew I made for the weekend!

PS. My dear Rachel aka Maydaygirl is being induced tomorrow! I'm so excited and will be praying for her delivery!

15w4d

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Baby Bless is starting to take up some room! He's measuring at 3.7 to 4.1 inches from crown to cute, cute rump and weighs about 1.75 ounces.

Baby Bless's bones still consist of soft cartilage but they are now beginning to harden and the development of the bones and the marrow continues. His ears are developing into a more recognizable shape and any hair already on the head and brows will become thicker. If his hair will be dark {all indications point to YES}, the follicles will start to generate pigment to color his hair already!

Oh and for once, it was not the majority! My left boob, atleast to both Ton and I is very acutely larger than the right! I even try to trick him into thinking that I think they're the same and he'll tell me very gently that he still thinks the left is larger. Lol.

So that's the fun part. :)

The not so fun part? Me. I am just having a really hard time right now, as if my posts weren't already an indication of that. I don't think it's solely because I'm pregnant . . . but it is a large part of my recent dip in demeanor.

For starters, I haven’t been enjoying two of my most favorite activities: running and soccer.

Even though Tony was impressed that my OB gave me full release to play soccer, he was pretty dead-set against it and understandably so. I, for the most part, agreed with him, it was a risk, that we didn’t have to take, so why bother . . . until I realized just how much the absence of the sport has made my personal life suffer, including my relationship with Tony. So we discussed my playing again, Tony voiced his concerns, I aired my own, and we decided it was in my best interest to play for as long as I thought I could handle it. I felt like a gigantic lifesaver had been thrown to me! Until I started contacting my teams and realizing that it would be virtually impossible for me to even sub. :( So, my lifeline was yanked back.

So, I’ve been trying to fill the void with running . . . on the treadmill. I don’t think I need to explain that there’s no comparison. But it’s something, I guess and as Meredith pointed out, I am very blessed to have the treadmill as an option {gotta love craigslist!}. Tony and I are signing up for the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving and that’ll be something to atleast focus on for the next few weeks.

Additionally, I think it’s pretty normal . . . but I’m struggling with my changing body. I think it’s probably pretty obvious that I’ve enjoyed the way my body has adapted to hosting the little guy, by virtually not showing at all. AJ and I have discussed it pretty thoroughly, but while I’ve always been ample in the booty department, God has blessed me with a virtually no-work flat stomach. I’m not trying to have a pity party here, as there have been quite a few comments over the weeks that some posters would like my pregnancy tummy, but that picture posted above? That is the most stomach I’ve ever had in my life. That’s definitely something to adjust to. So I’m asking for prayer in the transition, because I need to let my husband think I’m beautiful, instead of denying him his opinion.

What a day.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

1) First of all, I'm an aunt! Wyatt Mitchell was born this morning at a nice 7 lbs 1 oz and 19 1/2 inches. My sister in law is doing quite well for recovering from her c-section.
I told Wyatt he needs to have a convo with his cousin about birth weight, I would love for a nice 7lb healthy baby!
He's a yawner! :) Such a cutie pie and look at all of that hair!

2) The Vue won't start, again. It's doing the same thing we took it in for 3 1/2 weeks ago. It's not even/for surely funny at this point. I'm seriously at my wits end. I don't know how to have a positive outlook! We contacted the dealership that sold it to us {not the one that serviced it less than a month ago, who told us $9K for trade in}. The sales manager asked Tony if he was serious about his request to buy back the the Vue {hey, you've got to start somewhere!} He offered us $7K. This would mean in 4 months time that we would take a hit of $6K. I know that the auto industry is hurting right now, but that's ridiculous!

3) I worked out while watching The Biggest Loser tonight! While not my typical pace, I did 1.7 miles at a 10 minute mile pace and rounded it out with some walking for 3 miles in 37 minutes. :) It feels sooooo good! Especially since I also hopped on the treadmill last night for 1.5 miles! My mind, body and Tony have been dying for me to relieve some stress via exercise. :)

4) It doesn't look like my cousin will be able to help us with Bridgit as orginally intended. He found out that all of his options would cause her pain {obviously not what I'm going for!!}. The plus side is that he found that out through a few of his friends who happen to be vets and who might be convinced to do a house call . . . so I'm enjoying my unexpected additional time with her as much as I can.

Knock it off.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I think every woman anticipates the strangers touching, the improper questioning and the all together intrusive situations one will be put in once they are pregnant . . . or so I thought I was prepared for!

In the last week alone I have encountered quite a few challenging situations that make me question whether I'm ready to face the barrage once I'm actually showing!

For starters, I had a co-worker {mother of two} berate me for my saying I wanted a diet Barq's root beer. It should be known I am drinking approximately 1 can of diet pop a week {generally less, opting more now for club soda} and that there wasn't even a can of diet pop in the building! Immediately I was pounced on concerning aspartame and the use of NutraSweet in diet pop. The quality of my doctor was even brought to question, suggesting that my desire to have a diet pop somehow makes my care giver inferior for not banning all diet pop from my consumption! I wish I were elaborating, but in all honesty, I can not convey the accusatory tone she used against my stating a simple wish. Good thing I wasn't going off about my want of wine or beer, else she'd think I were going to down a bottle then and there!

I started with the worst as the rest have basically been nuisances, like:

Being informed that I will surely have stretch marks if I am not religious about cocoa butter or vitamin E . . . starting from conception {false}.

Being questioned if I will have a natural child birth, it's only right you know.

Assuming I eat everything in sight.

And finally being questioned if the baby was planned.

For this last question, I'd like to elaborate. See, I'm a very honest person. In most cases I embarass my husband for the enjoyment of my friends, because I like the shock value of over sharing. I'm sorry, I'm sarcastic and like TMI, that about sums me up! But when it comes to questioning whether a child was planned or a surprise, I'm decidely close lipped. In my honest opinion, if you have to ask whether the child was planned or a surprise, you have no business knowing the answer. I do not ask randomly about other's sex lives and I do not see how a child suddenly being thrown into the equation makes it appropriate for randoms to ask about mine!

To me there is no good answer. If one answers that it was planned, the parents are then opening themselves for the judgment that accompanies providing such information. Why then? On the flip side, if it is a surprise what good comes out of identifying the fact? Absolutely none in my opinion, again it's basically going to be used to judge the situation.

I know it is a common question to ask and be asked, but for those of you in the asking position, I just wanted to rant and rave a bit to see if I could maybe get you to question the appropriateness of asking a newly pregnant co-worker or friend.

Two weeks prior to our announcement at work, a co-worker asked the question to another co-worker who had just announced his wife's pregnancy, she asked in front of the whole company. With this in mind, I was fully prepared to tell her, should the question be asked, that yes we had intentional sex to create a baby. Surely not work appropriate, but I do not feel the question is either!

Olivia's 2nd birthday party!

Big girl Olivia Faith celebrated her 2nd birthday yesterday! She's the amazing child of two way too beautiful people, Lacey and Jason. Lacey is a 6'2" model and Jason is a 6'5" basketball player. Did I mention Olivia is already the size of a 4 year old? Lol she's already soo tall and cute does not even describe her!
There was a little too much pink for my taste lol, but I'm very anti-pink. :)


All this fun and not a drop to drink! :)

Kelly Green

Did I mention that I love this jacket? Because I do. This is the Small, but we did get the Medium, I just have to make the exchange with my Mom and then return this guy. Because seriously you guys, my boobs, they just keep growing and this jacket is already unbearably tight across the bosom and ribcage, making it even uncomfortable in the back! {Speaking of my boobs, I have a new poll up}

Oh and the woman at the checkout counter at Old Navy, raved about the jacket, but that she was undecided whether or not she could pull off such a lime green! I wanted to say, lime green? I don't wear lime green, but kelly green? Yes, please.

Now I just need to get my hat/scarf/glove situation accounted for, since everything I own is of the blue variety {but not in a matching green blue variety}.

Too much fun.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

First a little too much fun with this site, involving the below two pictures.
Kim and Tony
Myself and Levi

Add those two pics together via morphthing . . . and you have Baby Bless!

And then too much fun with photoshop.

Score, score, score!

Friday, November 7, 2008

About 3 weeks ago, AJ and I went shopping at a few places, one being Old Navy. I developed quite the crush on a jacket. I still wasn't out of the first tri though, so I wouldn't really allow myself to make any maternity related purchases.

Go back two weeks, when my Mom and I went out to dinner and shopping with one of her friends. Again, one of the places we hit was Old Navy. I showed my Mom the jacket and she tried to force me to buy it. :) Okay fine, she told me I had to get it and that she wanted to buy it for me. What can I say, she's really excited I'm pregnant! I held off and said that I wanted to wait for a sale. It is a regular non maternity jacket so I will be able to wear it after the pregnancy . . . but I just can't justify paying full price, especially at sales heaven ON!

So last night, I'm sitting on the couch watching my Kare11 and what do I see? Old Navy is having a 50% all outerwear weekend sale! I immediately called my Mom and she chuckled, as she'd hoped I hadn't seen it so that she could go and buy the jacket for me as a surprise. We talked about meeting up with each other on Saturday to go buy the jacket and that was that, or so I thought.

I pulled up Old Navy.com this morning, because 1) I took the day off and 2) I couldn't decide what color I was going to get. Upon loading the site message said that the sale had already started!!! So I called the nearest store and the manager confirmed, that yes, even though the ad said 11/8 it had actually already started . . . so I threw on a pair of jeans, pulled a jacket on over my t-shirt and hoodie, in my haste neglecting a bra {remember that pregnancy brain}, and called my Mom while jumping in the vehicle to high tail it to ON.

And now . . . she's mine! For $45 {of my generous Mom's moolah}, I have a MN warm {we already have had snowfall}, baby belly accomodating pea coat!
And yes, I finally decided on the green. Here's the deal though, when my Mom and I went 2 weeks ago, the small fit me and I thought the breastes area was very accomodating. So, I did what a guy would do, I bought it this morning without trying it on and wouldn't you know, putting it on at home now, it's already a bit snug in the rib cage!

14w4d

Thursday, November 6, 2008

So here's the deal, my snippet on the election has been censored and deleted so many times, I'm not even going to touch my reaction. My thoughts are not gathered and my heart is not prepared.

So onto the baby front . . . remember that thickening I mentioned, it's in full force.

Baby bless is now 3.2 to 3.5 inches and is still hovering around the ounce weight! For visual that's about the size of a lemon. I don't have much by way of excuse for my hormones now, as baby bless is now nourished by the placenta, thankfully cutting back on my excess of hormones.

Apparently, I could be in for some darkening of my freckles, oh joy {for the record, I do love my freckles, but due to skin cancer concerns always freak out about any changes}. As for other discomforts, I have hair growing on my boobs, it's not normal and it's where it shouldn't be. Yeah, not exiting, have you ever tried to shave your boobs? You shouldn't. Additionally, for the first time in my life, I'm dealing with constipation, for what it's worth, I don't recommend it.

Everyone at work now knows. It's fun and such a relief, but I really did enjoy the secret. The coworker I sit next to had the best reaction, she thought Tony was joking, as he said "Leah's pregnant." Just like two of our co-workers have to announce their wive's pregnancies. Laura laughed about it and I saw the moment her face dropped as she realized 15 seconds behind the rest of the room that we weren't joking. It was priceless.

Oh and for those of you who didn't check back, I did post the u/s pics.

A generous giveaway.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Over at the Cortney Chronicles a little giveaway is occuring without any party lines, although inspired by the polling hours.

Head on over, be educated about the impact of Malaria and be sure to comment so that the giveaway is a huge success!

Thanks ladies!

Lazy Sunday?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I just got done doing 2 hours worth of clothes sorting, folding and putting away, because Tony loves to wash and dry, but refuses the finishing steps because:

1). He likes how I fold.
2). He doesn't know where my clothes go.

Last time I did this I was sore from all of the squatting {so sad}.

Oh and my eye has twitched for 5 days straight now. It hasn't happened since the wedding, and before that college finals. I need to wean my body off of the stress lol!

A little venting action . . .

Saturday, November 1, 2008

This post is kind of hard for me to write and that's why I've ignored documenting how I feel about the subject.

I think it's well understood that I believe Tony is the most amazing man ever, even if he rarely hears that from my lips. The man has an insane work ethic, moral to a fault, and completely enamored with me . . . resulting in his annoying me daily. :)

So many couples describe their relationships working due to their balancing each other out, you know the normal extrovert vs introvert, creative vs analytical, adventurous vs homebody. Those dynamics work well for some couples, but when it comes to Tony and I, I don't feel as though we are opposites in any sense of the word. I think our relationship works because we change roles depending on the other and the situation. We're flexible to fulfill the needs of the other.

I only give this back ground because it really pains me to have this hurt, given all that I have to be so very grateful for in our relationship. It would probably help if we read the 5 Love Languages . . . but anywho.

It's simply this, for the past two years I have pined after a Canon digital SLR. We agreed that my Target bonus last year would be allocated for that purpose . . . which never came to fruition since it was a whopping $119. And that's the closest I have come.

In the last year alone however, my dearest has gotten every "need" that he has desired. I hate having this running tally, but it's always at the back of my mind.

$700 tv {I know it was my doing}
$425 riding lawn mower {again, my doing}
$300 table saw {not my doing and still bitter}
$200 tickets to the high school state hockey tournament {it's his tradition}

As for my side . . . my most recent "need" was our photo session, at $150. I don't spend money on clothes, manis/pedis or any other normal girl expense. And I've only gotten my hair done twice this year {one of which my Mom paid for}. I'm really trying to wrack my brain what else should be added to my balance, and I'm coming up short.

It's a hard area for me to explore. I basically feel like I'll never get my camera {which based on the above list I could have twice paid for with a starting lens}. I know that I'm better at money than Tony, so it's not his fault, but I just feel like we'll never have the money for it. My heart literally hurts at the thought of it, as Tony just keeps adding things to his wish list that I feel will always have presedence since he'll use them for the house.

We've talked about it a few times and he says that he understands where I'm coming from, but it's always just a matter of time before he comes to me with his next "need." I wish I had a dollar for everytime he's mentioned the camera as well, especially since we started ttc, stating that I need time to be experienced with it before baby bless' appearance. But he doesn't make any action towards it.

So there, that's my venting and my rationale for trying to drum up as much happiness as I can for you ladies that are much closer to realizing your SLR dream.
 

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