She's gone.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Tony took this last night when he came home late from hockey. Excuse my disheveled appearance, but it's a great example of what I'm going to miss the most, my living, loving security blanket.

I think Lucy is also going to struggle with the loss of Bridgit. She often slept by her side and would from time to time entangle themselves.
I think I spent the majority of tears this week while driving. I'm thankful, because even so, the time I spent in the office this morning was torturous. My emotions were just like nauesa, I knew I was going to combust into tears, just like one knows before they're going to throw up.

We got home at about 11:00 this morning before the appointment, and I got to spend a lot of time with Bridgit. We even napped for a bit, so I could curl her into my arms. After our nap, Tony and I cranked the heat up because she loved {this past tense just broke me} to sit in front of the heat registers.

I'm so very glad we chose to have the vet come to our home. I absolutely could not imagine it any other way. He came a little late, but that was just unexpected precious time with Bridgit. So I just sat and sat with Bridgit as she enjoyed the warmth. I got to pet and talk with her. For the injections, I got to hold Bridgit in my arms, first as she slipped under the control of the injection to make her sleepy and finally as the vet administered the euthanasia. It was far too quick. Far too. I don't think I could tell her enough how good she was or how much I loved her.

The vet was like a shadow, moving very quickly and precisely. He said some very appropriate words, but thankfully knew that they would not be enough to console, so he didn't try. Within a minute of his announcing she had passed he was already gone, allowing Tony and I to greive together.

I've never heard the sounds that I was making, atleast not coming from my body. Tony's heart was also breaking. He's always been great with my cats, but they've always been my pets. He made it very clear today how much he loves them and especially Bridgit. The man didn't cry on our wedding day, not even when I was crying, but he let his heart go today.

I'm okay right now, the tears are intermittent, but I fear the worst is yet to come. Tonight, when I'm forced to face the fact that she's really gone. No warm body.

I genuinely appreciate and am drawing upon the knowledge that I have so many of you praying for me and willing me through this situation. Please, please know how appreciative I am.

49 comments:

Immortal Beloved said...

My deepest sympathy. I don't know what we will do when it is our furbaby's time. I wish for you all swift grief and a loving understanding of God's plan for your little one's untimely passing.

Leah said...

You have been in my prayers and I will continue to pray that you will be comforted. She was blessed to have a pet-mom that loved her so dearly. I admire your strength and I'm grieving with you.

Kristal said...

I am so sorry Leah. This breaks my heart. Just know how lucky she was to have such an awesome mama. I'm praying that God will comfort you tonight.

Sarah said...

Words cannot describe what pets bring to our lives. I think they teach us how to truly appreciate love w/out words. Take time to grieve for yourself and your family. God bless. I wish you the best.

Kim & Ryan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My eyes filled with tears as I read this post. I cannot even begin to imagine how it feels and I know how much our dogs have become a part of our family and lives - it would be like taking away part of our lives. Lots of thoughts coming your way.

Megs said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Leah. Losing a pet is so incredibly difficult. There aren't words that I can say that will make you feel better but please know that I am thinking of you.

Tara @ Living A Dream said...

I don't have any words to make you feel better, but I do want you to know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. It's so difficult to loose a pet - they part of us and our family. Your story brought me to tears, as I'm sure that you will miss your girl more than we can imagine.

Jennifer said...

Oh Leah, I'm so sorry you and Tony will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Lori (MrsB1021) said...

I'm so sorry about your loss...I got teary reading this. It's like losing a family mamber. You're in my thoughts.

EK said...

I am so sorry you had to let your precious Bridgit go. You are in my prayers.

Amy said...

oh i am so sorry! I can't imagine how hard it must have been, but you did such a sweet and honorble thing for her!

youll be in my prayers!!!

*claire* said...

*hugs*

*Kimmie* said...

There are no words for comfort when it comes to losing a pet. Just know you're in my prayers.

Julie said...

I'm crying with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

mxq said...

this made me tear up. i can't offer any other words that the ladies before me but you're in my thoughts.

-Pamela

AmberDenae said...

Oh Leah. This post made me cry. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I hate it for you. My heart hurts for you. I'm praying for you...

On Sunday I have to say goodbye to my baby, Molly...in a different way but my heart still hurts over it.

So sorry. I hope and pray that you find comfort as you grieve. Losing a beloved pet is almost as difficult as losing a friend. Yes, they're simply animals but they're very close companions and they steal our hearts. My heart breaks for you, dear.

abby said...

I'm crying for you now, and can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to let Bridgit go. There really are no good words to say, but I'm praying for strength for you!

Katie said...

Oh, I teared up over this post. I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine going through all of this as a "normal person", but you are pregnant on top of it....I am here if you need anything.

Rachel said...

Leah I am SO sorry. I know how sad you must be right now. I had to put one of my dog's to sleep and have lots 2 other pets. They were like babies.

I am so sorry.

Dunc said...

Leah, it's totally inadequate for me just to say how sorry for you I am - my heart really does ache. Take the time to grieve as much as you need, it's no less traumatic to lose a pet than to lose a human in many cases. Hugs.

L Sqaured said...

I'm so sorry for you, my thoughts and prayers are with you!

=(

High Heels & Mascara said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. I have tears streaming down my face typing this. My heart breaks for you. Know that Bridgit is at peace. I'm praying for you. -hugs-

Megan said...

Leah - I am SO sorry about Bridgit, I cannot even imagine what you are going through. Bridgit (and all of your cats) look so much like my precious Boo - so all of your pictures tear at my heart strings as well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.

Mrs. A said...

my eyes filled with tears as I read this post. I have nothing other than I am praying for you.

BIG HUGS!!

Joi said...

Leah. There are no words. I am so very sorry you are going through this. I am thinking of you and praying for you. Hang in there.

Andrea said...

Add me to the list...I'm crying as well :( There's nothing like the loss of a pet. For some reason, all of my past wounds have healed but when I think of my Elliot, I still feel as dreadful and sad as the day I said good bye to him.

You're in my thoughts and prayers Leah...I know exactly what you are going through and it tears my heart apart.

Dr. Erin and Mr. Heath said...

My heart is breaking for you, Leah. I cannot imagine what you're going through. My pups are my babies and it would be so hard to say goodbye. I'll be praying for you.

AJ said...

Oh Leah, I don't have much to say. I know how much she meant to you, and will always mean to you. If you need anything this weekend, let me know. Kevin's away all weekend, leaving me here wondering if I should eat my weight in Coldstone. Give me a ring if you need some company :) ::big hug::

Aimee Jo said...

And another set of tears to join yours! Thinking of you and hoping your strength and loving husband help get you through this difficult time.

Julia said...

I'm so sorry, Leah. My heart breaks for you. Hang in there. [[[hugs]]]

kari said...

Leah, my heart is breaking for you. I'm thinking of you and you are in my prayers.

Mrs. Cup said...

I can't imagine how you feel. I am so sorry!

ka1t_lyn said...

This hurts my heart. I'm praying for you, and I will continue to.

Meredith said...

Leah, as others have said, I'm not sure that any words would be solace at this point. So, just know that you're in my prayers and that I'm so very sorry.

Kelly said...

I am so sorry. my heart is aching for you right now. take as much time as you need to grieve. you're in my thoughts.

TMS said...

...hugs! I am so sorry for you... :(

bekah said...

dont let anyone cut your grieving short, she was a part of your heart. I really think you did the right thing for her, she wont have to be in pain.

kpapa said...

She'll always be your Bridgit. She had a long life and was very loved; we should all be so lucky.

Sarah said...

Leah,
I am so sorry for your loss. I had to say good bye to my living comfort blanket a few years ago. No matter the circumstances, it is always a tough thing. You are in my thoughts during this difficult time. HUGS!

Wanderluster said...

So sorry for your loss Leah. You're in my prayers. Wishing you strength in this difficult time.

Chelsie said...

I've been praying for you guys. I hope everything is going as well as it possibly could right now.

Karen said...

I am so sorry Leah for the loss of your beautiful kitty. You will always have these wonderful memories of her to get you through the hard times. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Tony.

Freckles Chick said...

Oh Leah. I'm at a loss for the right words b/c none of them can bring your sweet Bridgit back. Only time can heal. You were a good momma to her and made sure her time here was the best one can ever hope for. Thinking of you guys.

Emily said...

I missed this yesterday, but I've been thinking of you. It's so hard to lose a constant friend. I'm so sorry.

half of vamh said...

I'm so sorry Leah. I'm absolutely bawling realizing your pain. It is unbearable but that changes slowly as the years pass. I'm sending you strength and hugs, take care of yourself.

hopeful #1 said...

I started to tear up the moment I read your post title. Oh and that picture is just darling. How comfortable and peaceful you both look! I have many pictures of my late kitty Oscar that almost immediately bring me to to tears.

Loosing a cat is never easy. Just know that Bridgit is not in any pain, she's happy, youthful and looking down on you at this very moment. She's playing with all the other kitties that are up there in heaven. I hope that she'll find Oscar and they can become long lost friends. He's very kind and comforting so maybe that will remind her of home.

She'll forever hold a place in your heart and it will take time to let the heartache fade... It's been a year since I lost my kitty and to this day I still find myself crying over him. Actually on Thursday I was a mess and couldn't control myself...

These days are few and far between but they still happen which remind me that I'm still human and unconditional love can never be replaced!

Many hugs to you during this time!

HBee said...

Oh...I'm so sorry Leah. I know that pets can mean so much to us. Mine certainly does. Thinking of you.

IU_gal said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet kitty. I can't imagine the emotions you must be feeling, but I am crying thinking of having to go through this someday myself.

kritta said...

OMG. This just broke my heart. I have two kitties who are my world, and one of my biggest fears in the world is having to make a decision like this. You are strong. Bridgit had a blessed life with you.

 

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