Knock it off.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I think every woman anticipates the strangers touching, the improper questioning and the all together intrusive situations one will be put in once they are pregnant . . . or so I thought I was prepared for!

In the last week alone I have encountered quite a few challenging situations that make me question whether I'm ready to face the barrage once I'm actually showing!

For starters, I had a co-worker {mother of two} berate me for my saying I wanted a diet Barq's root beer. It should be known I am drinking approximately 1 can of diet pop a week {generally less, opting more now for club soda} and that there wasn't even a can of diet pop in the building! Immediately I was pounced on concerning aspartame and the use of NutraSweet in diet pop. The quality of my doctor was even brought to question, suggesting that my desire to have a diet pop somehow makes my care giver inferior for not banning all diet pop from my consumption! I wish I were elaborating, but in all honesty, I can not convey the accusatory tone she used against my stating a simple wish. Good thing I wasn't going off about my want of wine or beer, else she'd think I were going to down a bottle then and there!

I started with the worst as the rest have basically been nuisances, like:

Being informed that I will surely have stretch marks if I am not religious about cocoa butter or vitamin E . . . starting from conception {false}.

Being questioned if I will have a natural child birth, it's only right you know.

Assuming I eat everything in sight.

And finally being questioned if the baby was planned.

For this last question, I'd like to elaborate. See, I'm a very honest person. In most cases I embarass my husband for the enjoyment of my friends, because I like the shock value of over sharing. I'm sorry, I'm sarcastic and like TMI, that about sums me up! But when it comes to questioning whether a child was planned or a surprise, I'm decidely close lipped. In my honest opinion, if you have to ask whether the child was planned or a surprise, you have no business knowing the answer. I do not ask randomly about other's sex lives and I do not see how a child suddenly being thrown into the equation makes it appropriate for randoms to ask about mine!

To me there is no good answer. If one answers that it was planned, the parents are then opening themselves for the judgment that accompanies providing such information. Why then? On the flip side, if it is a surprise what good comes out of identifying the fact? Absolutely none in my opinion, again it's basically going to be used to judge the situation.

I know it is a common question to ask and be asked, but for those of you in the asking position, I just wanted to rant and rave a bit to see if I could maybe get you to question the appropriateness of asking a newly pregnant co-worker or friend.

Two weeks prior to our announcement at work, a co-worker asked the question to another co-worker who had just announced his wife's pregnancy, she asked in front of the whole company. With this in mind, I was fully prepared to tell her, should the question be asked, that yes we had intentional sex to create a baby. Surely not work appropriate, but I do not feel the question is either!

25 comments:

Chelsie said...

people can be so judgmental about things that are really none of their business.

I personally would never ask someone if the pregnancy was planned or a surprise. At that point, it does not matter nor does it concern them. The baby is there and it's a blessing just to be pregnant!

Argh the nerve of some people!

Chelsea and Brian said...

Wow, that must be so frustrating!! People never fail to amaze me.

abby said...

So nice how people think it's ok to ask such personal questions! And I am going to have one heck of a time giving up pop, let alone wine...

Erin said...

oh Leah, you ain't seen NOTHING yet!!! I do Meals on Wheels with my coworker who is about to have a baby literally at any moment. The last few times we went, she got the question "Wow, when you gonna pop that baby out???? You're HUGE!" She'd say something like, uhh, not for another 2 months or so! And then one person had the nerve to say "Wow, lady, you having TWINS or something?"

The unsolicited comments are one of my biggest fears about pregnancy/child rearing. I have a very hard time holding my tongue so I'm sure I'll piss some people off :) Oh well!!

Meredith said...

Yeah, I'm gonna be one of those momma's who bats people's hands away if they try and touch--even the belly touching that's become the norm is completely inappropriate.

It sounds like you handled all the situations with the perfect balance of grace, composure, and snarkiness!

Katie said...

if someone asked me whether it was planned or a surprise...I would mix it up...say "planned of course...we don't have sex unless its for reproduction" or "unplanned...I don't even know the fathers name"...throw em a curve ball with "what exactly do you mean?" and make them explain it for a solid five minutes :)

aMbErDeNaE said...

haha, I love this! You are MARRIED, you should be able to have intentional sex to create a baby...no questions! It's funny how people think they should have a say in your life, just because they have a minimal part in it! Sadly, I believe that your nucences are only going to become greater as you start to show! "Just keep smiling"!:)

xoxo a

ka1t_lyn said...

Wow! I'd heard of these sorts of stories before but never an attack for diet soda! Ha, I love the "intentional sex" comment-- as the woman above me stated, you're married. You get to have intentional sex to create a baby whenever you feel like it! Keep ranting and raving here if it makes it all easier to deal with :)

Kim & Ryan said...

I cannot believe your coworker got snarky with you about drinking a Root Beer. Give me a break.

I hope you still drank it. And, punched her in the face while you were at it. =)

HBee said...

Natural childbirth? What? Ow!

Megan said...

Seriously - aren't people just ridiculous sometimes?! It never ceases to amaze me the things that I've had complete strangers say to me. Good luck... I'm sorry to tell you that this is just the beginning! Once you start REALLY showing it will only get worse. (Like, how servers will comment on how they don't know if you should 'really' be eating what you just ordered at restaurants, or starbucks barista's 'making sure' that I want that decaf, when I don't want it decaf!... etc)

Rebecca Taylor said...

Why are people so crazy??

I can't believe people ask questions like that...

Schwartz Family said...

It never fails how people can be so rude and they dont even realize they are doing it. You will encounter many many more unsolicited advice and when they do, just say thank you and move on.

When I was pregnant I also got the question if she was planned because we were not married, the truth is we tried for 15 months to get pregnant. I also got told that I would not be a good mother if I didnt marry the father. I also got told that I was getting fat and maybe it was time to buy maternity clothes. Even though I was wearing maternity clothes! and the soda remarks killed me, you know what is right for your body and your child dont let others comment and make you feel bad about it. Stay strong the rest of your pregnancy!

AmberDenae said...

Leah, you are awesome! Ughhh people can be so annoying. I love your honesty!

Abby said...

People never seem to amaze me!!! It's your baby, your body and in all honesty there are many woman out there that drank alcohol and smoked while pregnant, your co-irker should go after them!!! Not you for drinking a can of diet pop!! Good luck mommy-to be!! You look great!!!

Ashley said...

Hahaaha...aren't people SO WEIRD?!?!

Being the former pastor's daughter at our church, I get all kinds of questions, including the "planned or surprise" one. My answer is the honest truth: "We know that this is God's perfect timing for us." Because honestly, you're going to get pregnant when God allows you to get pregnant. So there's only so much "planning" that can be involved! :o)

Hang in there. I got asked Sunday if I am carrying twins. No lie.

Jen said...

I swear there's something with being pregnant that makes people think they can say/ask whatever they want. The weight comments were always my favorite. 50% would say I looked tiny and 50% thought I looked huge and ready to burst. By the 9th month I was ready to wear a sign that said "Don't make any comments about my weight".

Sarah Danielle said...

I would likely respond with something equally inappropriate like... (if they had children) "Well I'm sure your little one must have been a suprise... no one at your salary would ever intentionally have a baby!" LOL

Andrea said...

Oh just wait until you have the child - "Oh no, you co-sleep/ formula feed/ use a pacifier etc.? You are ruining his/her life!" Um, yeah. Trust me, it gets worse! Learn to smile and nod now :)

AJ said...

So...was he planned? ;)

etxwife said...

I agree. Asking if a pregnancy was planned or not is an extremely inappropriate question and only makes for horribly awkward moments. :(

Vintage Gal said...

WHAAAAAAAT? What the heck is wrong with people? I want to slap em across the head and tell them to go home to the Mother Ship!! I am going to have a t-shirt made for you that says "Lookee, no touchee and better yet, no talkee"

You poor thing.

Julia said...

People can be so.....classy sometimes. I guess pregnancy is a lot like a wedding: it brings out the worst in people.

Monogramchick said...

Hey there! I just happened across your blog and am so glad that I did. You are one funny chick and I can't wait to come back and read more!

Katherine K said...

That is a ridiculous question! I would only ask that if it was one of my good friends...but then, I'd probably already know if it was planned or not. Why can't they just leave to enjoy your pregnancy in peace? :)

 

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