Background to corrupt tongue.

Monday, November 17, 2008

In regards to my Ephesians post, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my emotions and reactions. Sure I’ve got hormones, but I’ve also got a killer tongue and I’m having extreme trouble differentiating the two lately. All of my life I’ve heard from my Mom, “You sound just like your Dad.” I don’t think it needs to be explained that she is not complimenting me.

My husband has such a great heart. I know there are plenty of happily married women reading this who think the same of their man, but I literally know no man of the same caliber. He is without compare. God created him to compliment me, equipping him to support, encourage and love me like no other, on the flip side, He also provided within Tony the depth of character to handle me at my worst . . . sometimes that is without complaint and other times, he asserts his authority. Last night was one such night and I would be the first to admit I was acting like a brat. We generally have out all of our disagreements at that time and place, but I just didn’t have it in me last night . . . so we went to bed angry. I can literally count the number of times this has occurred in our marriage. Notice I said went to bed angry, not to sleep, as sleep did not bless my mind for quite sometime. It proved very elusive as I managed to drag myself through the mire of terrible words I’d showered the love of my life with. I’m tired this morning, but I can deal, as it was the result of my heart to heart with both myself and God.

To say that we woke up on opposite sides of the bed this morning would be an understatement, it felt like we were in separate beds. I’m not proud to say that I did not apologize, but I didn’t have the words, so we went through the motions of getting ready this morning, both knowing what was off. I think we spoke 4 times to each on the drive into work, but slowly drug ourselves out of our self involved issues as the work day progressed. Which means that I still have not apologized . . . but I’m working my way there and have a new favorite verse to boot.

I’m not a girly girl, that may be hard to convey through the internet, but I’m not. Sure I love some fashion, a dabble of gossip, but that about does it. I really do hate the color pink, I’m not gushy with my friends, and I’d say only two close friends have ever received the brunt of my bared heart. I'm not one to compliment easily. Let it be known if I praise a cut/color, shirt or otherwise, it is truly from the heart. So I get really hung up on that last bit. Good for necessary edification. I am not an edifier. It does not come naturally to me. It’s my new challenge, to use my words to uplift my husband. To let them be a gift to him, instead of a burden to bear or a sting to rub away.


kari said...

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

#1 - I love how honest you are.

#2 - Sadly, I think a lot of women fall into the trap of ragging on their husband, rather than lifting him up. I know I do at times.

#3 - I'm praying for you.

Katherine said...

I could have easily written this post! Embarrassingly, I have done that to Bryan more times than I care to remember. And I don't even have pregnancy hormones to blame.

I too have a very difficult time of censoring what comes out of my mouth. As I'm saying it, I know how wrong it is and how mean I'm being, but I just can't stop myself.

But I'm very glad we both have husbands who are understanding enough to accept our apologies (when we eventually give them!).

Just know you're not alone on this.

Ginger said...

I think it's so easy to take out our frustrations on those we love the most. Mainly because we know they will love us no matter what.

I am praying for you.

Something my mother in law told me when Jeremy and I were first engaged is that you should hold in your heart a secret goal to always be the wife who brags on her husband. I try to live by this goal although I too take my frustrations out on the one I love the most.

Your honesty is so refreshing in a world where women continually put on masks.

Meredith said...

Oh girl, this is one of the things that I am constantly working on through the Love Dare (which sadly, has taken the back seat the last few days due to moving and such).

Personally, I know that Justin often bears the brunt of my wrath and frustration, even when my wrath and frustration isn't directed at him. It's a constant battle for me.

The verse from Ephesians is a great reminder and piece of encouragement.

Anonymous said...

Good for you Leah. To allow God to show you when you are wrong and to accept his admonishment.

Unknown said...

Guilty as charged :(

I have a problem with spewing out words too. I think Jim and Tony have a lot in common. I don't know where my husband gets the stamina and patience for my outbursts at times.

Just last week we had an all out brawl [or should I say I lost it] in the morning before work. I cried all the way to work. Fortunately by the time I got home, I was so emotionally exhausted that I had no energy to fight with Jim which ended up being a good thing. We talked things through and I was able to surpress my negative attitude.

I think as females we all deal with this...girly or not. I'll be praying for you as I attempt to tame the beast within me as well :)

Chels said...

**hanging my head in guilt**

Leah, know you are not alone in this. J and I often get into heated arguments and I often spew things I would not dare say to anyone else. I call it "word vomit." I know it's something I need to work on and pray that God gives me the strength to break this awful habit. Like Mrs. A said, it's easiest to be the most awful to those who love us most because we know they will forgive us and look past our weakest moments.

I'll be praying for you!

A said...

I just lived this post yesterday! I, too, knew I was being a brat, but it just came spewing out of me. Of course, immediately aftwerwards, I felt guilty as I knew that it was not what I should have said/done--but I was too darn stubborn to admit my wrongs. It was a very quiet day at our house.

Thanks again for the honesty! You are not alone!

Julia Goolia said...

Wow, this is one brutally honest post. Thank you for sharing such a private part of your marriage and yourself. I know a lot of us can see ourselves in you and appreciate your new positive mindset. We all need a little wake up call every now and then.

And p.s.--you know that every time you say you hate the color pink it makes my heart break a little bit, right? :)

Megan said...

I'm right there with ya - and have never understood why it's so easy for us (me) to say terrible awful things to my husband and even some of my family, but hesitate to even stick up for myself to a stranger. Praying for you! (and all of us!)

abby said...

Wow and I thought I was just a bad wife :) I just had a similar discussion with a friend this weekend and we agreed that it must just be the curse of a woman to speak without thinking and inevitably hurt the man we love. And I share the same burden as you...even when I know I've done wrong, I have a very difficult time finding the words to tell Mike that, and it may take longer than necessary for me to apologize. Mind if I piggyback on your challenge? :)

EastofKnoxville said...

I think from all the comments that you are not alone in this challenging issue. I too have a sharp tongue, as do many women, I think. I believe it's our way of regaining control when we've felt we've lost it.

I wish I had some unique advice, but I think taking it to God was the best remedy. And breathing.

I just started reading your blog, and I really enjoy it!

Johanna said...

Your honesty is so refreshing. Being married is way harder than I expected, and I fall into this trap a lot. Sometimes I can't believe the words I say to my husband. But God is so good because when he created my other half, He was wise enough to make him very unlike me!


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