I just can't do this. Part 3/3

Friday, October 24, 2008

I've finally decided to put Bridgit down. I'm crying as I type this now.

There's an appointment made for 5:30 on Friday the 31st.

She’s been the most constant part of my life since I was 8 years old. I don’t know how to go to sleep without her curled up in my arm.

She’s now 19-21 years old and I’ve prayed for her to die in my arms for 4 years, because I knew that I wouldn’t have the strength to do what I’m faced with now.

She’s been my constant companion, even after her kidney disease was diagnosed 6 years ago.

I can’t believe I’m making this choice, but I also know that given her issues the house would never be sanitary enough for a child.

I’m serious in this request, please pray that she will die in my arms before next Friday.

I need her to die knowing that I love her, not frantic, scared and betrayed. I don’t think I could bear that.

I have yet to decide if I really will go in with her, if it comes to that. I really can’t stand the thought of her feeling I betrayed or let her down.

I shouldn’t have written this at work. I’m now a mess.

The timing is based on the ground freezing. Tony’s Dad made a beautiful box for her.

Oh I’m going to have a doozy of a headache after trying to hold these sobs in.

Please do pray that prayer for me, please.

35 comments:

Andrea said...

I'm the last person to offer words of encouragement since this post alone makes me want to crawl into a ball and cry. I can't handle putting an animal down. I had to make that decision 4 years ago and if I ever think about it, I crumble.

I'm so sorry you have to endure this. I hope your wish comes true...that's how I would want it as well.

Emily said...

So sorry for all of the things that are causing you stress right now. Thinking of you!

Sarah said...

I am so sad for you and the fact that you have to go through this. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Joi said...

Leah, you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, sweetie. ♥

Megs said...

Oh, Leah. I am so very very sorry. I know how difficult it is to make the decision to put one of your pets down. Please remember Bridgit will be in a better place and no longer be suffering. Take this week and cherish the time left.

I had to put one of my cats down suddenly. I was a mess and could barely say "ok", just wanting a little more time. I thought it would be too difficult for me to watch him breathe his last breath. So I didn't. And I still regret it to this day. Consider being there. It is the last gift you can give her. ((hugs))

Julie said...

Leah, I'm so sorry. I can't even think about the pain of putting down a pet, a friend. You are definitely in my prayers.

Chelsie said...

tons of prayers for you...

I can't imagine having to put my childhood pet and friend down. I was lucky to have the kitty I had growing up die while we were gone so we never had to bring her to the vet. I pray the same happens for you.

AmberDenae said...

Oh Leah, I have so been there. I had a dog named Binky and she was there before I was born! I grew up with her and she was like my best friend. When I was about 17 she had gotten so sick and feeble, her back was going out, she was going blind, she could hardly walk and she had an array of problems that she was miserable living. We had to make the heart wrenching decision of putting her down and it about KILLED me. I sobbed my eyes out and I was so depressed. I still get upset when I think about it becuase I felt just how you feel, like I was betraying her.

Bless you dear and I will pray what you asked us to pray because I truly know that feeling.

So sorry.

Freckles Chick said...

My heart is breaking for you. I just know that when that day comes for our pet, I will be a complete mess.

Know this: you are not making the decision to end her life; you're making the decision to end her needless suffering.

We're here for you, love.

Madeline said...

I know your heart is breaking...just know that she will feel loved no matter what!!!
Sending good and peaceful thoughts your way!

Mary said...

Ending Bridgit's suffering is the most selfless and loving gift you can give her. Making the decision to euthanize a pet is heart-wrenching, I know. Please don't feel like you are betraying her:( And if you are there with her, she will pass on feeling safe and happy in your loving arms.

Erin said...

Hi Leah, I'm really sorry to be reading about the tough time you're having at work and with Bridgit.

I think, though, that if you do need to put her down, she won't feel betrayed, she'll feel happy you're there with her, and she won't even know what's happening. I'm so sorry you'll have to go through that, though. :(

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm a firm believer, too, that God gives us these blessings when the time is right, and things will work out.

Vintage Gal said...

Leah, I know how hard this must be. I can't even describe how that heartache is. It's overwhelming. But I truly believe God made animals and all the creatures for us to learn how to love unconditionally and I believe they are there to welcome us to heaven someday! I will keep you in my prayers and know that your friend is going to a better place and will wait for you.
XOXO

Julia said...

Keep your head up, sweetie. We will all be praying for you. I don't think she will feel betrayed if you have to do this.....I think she will be grateful, if she is suffering here on earth.

The Long Haul said...

Hey I'm so sorry. I just went through this last week with my cat that I got when I was 8. It hurts so bad because I didn't even get to say goodbye to her- I live in a completely different state. I was able to talk to her on the phone, but its not the same. I had a rough couple of days at work too :(

I'm so sorry you are having to do this.

-Samantha

L Sqaured said...

I'm so sorry.. I can't imagine what your going through! I will continue to pray.

<3

kari said...

Leah, I just read your posts from today, I'm so sorry for the hard time you are going through. Please know that I'm praying for you and thinking of you.

Meredith said...

Oh Leah, you have had quite an overwhelming day! I'm so sorry to hear about all of it, and I'll be praying for you.

Bekah said...

Im so sorry leah, i will be praying for you

MyRunningJourney said...

New to your blog! I will keep you in my prayers; I can't imagine dealing with that but God always has a plan according to His timing.

Ashley said...

I'm so, so so sorry. I can't imagine.

"When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and He said, 'Don't cry.'" Luke 7:13

He sees, He cares, and He is so compassionate! His heart goes out to you in this hard time. Try to rest in His promise. Thinking about you!

ka1t_lyn said...

Prayers will be with you on this and the other two parts Leah, as well as the little one you are carrying. Trust in God, especially with the hardest stuff, like this.

All Things Today said...

Certainly praying for you - I can't even imagine how difficult this will be for you...

Miss said...

First of all, I am sooo sorry about this awful decision you have to make. Its TERRIBLE. My heart goes out to you. I lost my cat when bill and I first got married and I cried for days. (and I dont even like cats)

Also, you picture on your header is beautiful! who took it?

And last....I have meant to say CONGRATS on the baby!! I could not be more excited for you =) How are you feeling??

half of vamh said...

I'm so sorry. I had to make a similar decision 4 years ago and still can't think of it without just losing it. Take care of yourself.

Erin said...

I can't imagine having to make this decision. PPT are being sent your way.

Amy said...

Oh, you poor thing!!!! I almost sobbed reading this. I as a mom of two furbabies---my heart goes out to you. I always say my animals are going to live to be 100.

What mary said what what i wanted to say, its probably one of the hardest things to do in life, but she is probably thankful for that gift. Make her last days loving and painless....and take alot of pics!

Lindsey said...

Oh sweet Leah, I'm so sorry! I cried reading this post as I remember loosing two dogs I grew up with. It is so hard to go through. Please know that I am praying for your sweet family as you go through this awful situation.

Sarah said...

Leah,
I am so sorry for all that you have been going through lately. If there is anything I can do, name it! I will be keeping you, tony and the rest of your family in my thoughts!

Sea-Squared said...

Oh Leah! My heart :( I'm so so sorry. My prayers are definitely with you, always.

Dunc said...

Oh no Leah, I am so, so sorry. What an absolutely heartwrenching decision to have to make. I'm praying for you. Know that you gave her a wonderful life and she will always be grateful for that.

Kristy said...

You poor thing! I hope you can find the strength you need in this time. Just know all of your vitual friends are with you in spirit, and we LOVE you!

Sarah Danielle said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I could not imagine, my thoughts are with you during this time. So very sorry.

Sincerely,
Sarah @ jeune marie

Mrs. McB said...

You are in my prayers. I understand the pain you are going through, but remember you are making the best decision.

Jenn said...

Leah - I'm sorry for just now commenting. Please know that you are in my prayers. We had to put my childhood dog down 2 years ago - it was the hardest thing in the world to know that I would feel her next to me anymore. Now my parents have her ashes at home and I have her picture in my home and office.

Know that you are doing the right thing for her, she'll no longer be in pain.

Big hugs to you!!!

 

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