Where I'm at.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Well last weekend was the long awaited and high anticipated Hagen trip to Chicago! Two of our dearest friends, Matt and Angeli had a wedding to go to in Chicago and seeing as how we’re self proclaimed, but unproven “travel buddies” we joined them.

We headed out the door at 7:30 am Friday, picked up Angeli, then Matt from work, and were on our way, before we stopped for Caribou, a gas station, Super Target and Old Navy lol. Needless to say we took our time on the road, but finally arrived in Northbrook, just North of Chicago, where we promptly boarded a train that took us the 45 minutes into Chicago. We were able to pay $1 for parking the whole weekend as opposed to $100 in the city! We took a taxi in from Union Station, and arrived at the Inter-Continental at roughly 7:00. After a brief bit of freshening up we were walking to Gino’s where we ordered some fantastic deep dish pizza. Pepperoni for the boys and spinach for the girls, the crust I kid you not, was like cornbread, very different. After that we went in search of somewhere to “go out,” and walked a few miles, before we called it a night and went back to the hotel room. They taught us how to play Hearts and we taught them how to drink, just kidding. But seriously, Angeli had half of an Arbor Mist mini bottle and she was asking if she had alcohol poisoning, absolutely hilarious. I couldn’t have had more fun, even though we were exhausted.

The next morning we got up bright and early and did some walking, and by some, I mean we walked to Millennium Park, the Shed Aquarium, back up to the Water Works building, back over to Ed Debevnicks. It was some serious insane walking, but we were with good company.

By the end of the weekend, I was more sick of Tony than I was of Matt and Angeli, which I see as both a good and a bad thing. Saturday night, Tony and I had a miscommunication that resulted in him yelling at me in the middle of a piano bar, completely public. I was not happy and started to cry, and then he started in on other things, like my not being happy and the effect it has on him. It was ridiculous and even though he apologized and I had to “move on,” we talked about it last night, because I still had a few things mulling. He completely blanket apologized over things that I thought should have been examined more.

So last night we talked again . . . and I tried to not be my Mother. I’m trying to get to the bottom of my unhappiness right now and it makes it difficult to communicate, because I end up saying “I don’t know a lot” and that frustrates Tony even more. I think it’s a combination of my work and that I feel I am completely defined by Tony. It’s not so much an identity crisis, because I was prepared to become the “we” necessary for a successful marriage, but I’m critiquing him a lot I think, because if he is me, and represents me then I want more from him, even though I don’t actually want to change him. I married him for a reason, and that was not because of who he could become, but simply the man that he was and is.

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