I just can't do it.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

So I haven't entirely captured what I'm going through at work, but to encapsulate it, I'm unhappy. Because of this unhappiness I will not be promoted and my buyer believes that the best course of action is a transfer to another department. However, I'm executing my currect work well, I'm asking for additional responsibility, and my strengths are my excellent communication and personality. So basically I'm a joy to be around, but unhappy. How's that for clarity.

I just don't know how to handle it. My job at Target is fine, just fine, but I know I can do so much more. And that's the problem, I should be happy with my job, but I just can't bring myself to be. I should be happy with my life, but I just won't stop there. I want more, but not in an unsatiable way, just a change and progress are always better than being stagnant.

Because of this unhappiness, Tony is my world. He shouldn't be. No man can provide the entire happiness of another being. It just shouldn't be that way, because he can't succeed. He will always fail, which only adds to the dissappointment and unhappiness.

And so, it's now affecting my husband, based on his latest email.

Leah,

Your "I love You's, Good Mornings and Goodnights" are quickly disappearing from your vocabulary and being replaced by
"You need to" and "You haven't yets". The past 3 mornings you have started the day by saying "you need to"...
This morning was something about "You need to do something about your alarm clock." We were barely awake! STOP IT!
What you are doing is exactly what you hated your mom doing when you were living at home before we got married.
Then you come upstairs and give me that raised eyebrow look, (Which is happening very frequently) and tell me you don't know why you are doing it. YOU DO KNOW and you just don't want to say! And if for some reason you really don't know, then we have a different kind of problem all together. Either way, its not good and it is happening way too much.
I feel like you are trying to change everything I do, you even joked about it last night in the car.
You are my wife, not a parental figure, please stop treating me like one.
Support is what I expect, I don't feel like I am getting it and I feel like I am being criticized from you for everything I do.

I really want to talk to you about this, but if I try you get pissed off, quiet and dont tell me how you really feel.
So I am sending you this email telling you we NEED to figure this out and some things need to change.

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