About Me:

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Brief Bio:
I’m 25 years old.
The love of my life Tony, is my husband.
I work as a business development manager.
My interests include planting, soccer, running, great food, being outdoors, hanging out with my hubby, family and friends, traveling, and wine, by the bottle.
I am a nondenominational born-again Christian.
Some may call me a cat lady, but I've always had a heart for animals.
I want to run a marathon.

Part One: Brief Background
1. I was born October 20th. I was born in and grew up in a suburb of MN.

2. I have two sets of parents, as both of my parents remarried after their divorce. My Mom and Dad were married for more than 10 years, before divorcing when I was 6.

3. My Mom married my stepdad Dusty when I was 8, and my Dad married Shirley when I was 9. Three stepbrothers were brought into the equation with these marriages, one of whom grew up with my brother, Levi and I.

4. Levi is the greatest kid. I love him dearly. We got through alot of bad times together and he's grown up ito a very respectable young man.
5. I should have a brother 2 years older than I. When my Mom was in labor with Philip, the doctor failed to arrive, resulting in the nurse postponing delivery, which was unfortunate given that the umbilical cord was strangling my brother every second while waiting. As a result of the oxygen loss, he was born with several complications. He died of those complications when he was 1 1/2 years old. The doctor, in attempt to cover his own butt, mislead my parents and said that my brother's symptoms were a result of a hereditary disease from my Mom. There was no proof of this, but for years my Mom wondered whether she should get pregnant again and it obviously put a strain on my parents marriage.

6. My Mom was extremely overprotective while raising Levi and I. For the most part, we went with it, but as she rationalized her restrictive rules on the loss of Philip, I grew to resent him. It's only now that I can truly understand the pain my Mom went through. He was alive for a year and half, constantly in pain and she could do nothing.

7. I went to a Christian school kindergarten through eighth grade, and then I went to a public school. I graduated in 2002.

8. I wouldn't say I had a great childhood, shuttled between parents . . . but my Mom provided for us best that she could.

9. One of the things that I loved to do as a girl was ride horses. I was obsessed with them.

10. I used to read $.5 novels from the '50's that my grandma would get for me from garage sales. The stories were always about little girls and their horses, I remember one in particular who was able to save money in a change jar to be able to buy her own horse. I used to believe I could do the same.

11. My Grandma and my Mom pitched in to allow me to ride at a family owned stable. I loved that place like it was my own home. I basically grew up there, from 5 years old to 14.

12. When I was 9 years old my Dad introduced my brother and I to soccer, seeing as how our stepbrothers played. It was one of the most pivotal choices of my life.

13. I played soccer competitively, while riding competitively until I was 14, at which time I decided my fate. At that young age I decided I had more of a future in playing soccer than riding, given that I didn't own a horse!

14. I made JV my freshman year of high school, and was pulled up to play in the State Tourney at the end of the year. I'll never forget that feeling. My sophomore year I split time between JV and Varsity, again making it to State. As a junior I was starting Varsity as a defender, followed by MVP my Senior year.

15. I wouldn't have defined myself as popular in high school, but I was integral to the "popular-non-party-jock-academic-Christian" group. Even making it to Homecoming Court.

16. I was on to something when I chose soccer as my future. I chose to go to a small state school, where I played Division II soccer. Before even applying I was offered a 65% scholarship, between soccer and academics. Not too shabby.

17. I was undecided through my sophomore year, before deciding on a Marketing degree, with a minor in graphic design.

18. Although my grades were on par for my own aspirations, I do not believe I applied myself in college . . . but I played some darn good soccer, even ending up Captain.

Part Two: Employment

19. To go along with riding, when I was 10 years old my Mom put my creativity to work. In order to raise enough money to ride I made earrings and sold them at craft shows.

20. I started working just a bit shy of 16, as a hostess/cashier at Baker's Square. I worked there throughout high school, finally serving at 17, and on into college. I worked at few different locations, and they were always good to put me back on the schedule whenever I came home for break. 7 years. That's a long time.

21. After graduating, I was too possessed with planning the remaining bits of the wedding to be bothered with doing too much job searching. As a result, I worked at Baker's Square throughout the summer and into the fall.

22. Until the fateful day that I received the email, Target Corporate. The big red bullseye wanted me.

23. I began with Target November 13, 2006 as a Merchandise Coordinator. I was in women's clothing so I basically didn't shop for a year, but I wasn't happy. It was a crap job and a long uphill battle to do any work that I would deem meaningful.

24. In the fall of 2007 I picked up a serving gig in addition to Target at Acapulco. My Dad is basically a part of the family there, as he's frequented for years and has a menu item named after him. We've always been treated well, and I don't know, I just figured it'd be easy. Boy was it.

25. In the spring of 2008, I ruined a friendship and went after my dream job at Target. I was specifically asked to apply for the opening of Associate Specialist Creative Buyer, and I felt it was actually within reach. After a great interview, I had to wait a month to the day to find out my fate. The word was "No."

26. That same day, Tony was busy chatting up his boss about me, and low and behold I was called in for an interview. I was offered the position of Business Development Manager before I walked out the door. After a bit of haggling over maternity leave, I accepted.

27. I walked away from corporate America and am now working with my husband.

Parth Three: Love Life

28. I did not have my first kiss until I was 16 years old. True story.

29. I was deemed a long-term relationship girl, with my first boyfriend. We dated for 1 1/2 years in high school. He's a nutjob now.

30. I then broke up with him to pursue my first love. He really was. We thought we were going to get married.

31. I went away to college and he stayed home to go to community college. I decided that I needed to have a little fun in my life and well, for no other reason, I broke up with him, over the phone the spring of my freshman year.

32. It still makes my stomach turn.

33. Like I'm actually nauseous reliving how stupid I was at the time and for making such a heartbreaking decision without a good reason.

34. Don't get me wrong, if we'd continued to date I probably would have killed him or stifled him, because there is no way he would be where is he is at in his life if we'd stayed together. I was just, so, so, so stupid. If I'd stayed with him for even a year longer, even if to eventually have broken up, it would have saved me a lot of pain and 99% of my life's regrets.

35. So between Jonas and Tony were Mikey, Dan, Todd and Corey. They were more than mistakes. They were the tragedies of my life. We'll leave it at that.

36. At the end of that long tunnel is Tony. The brightest light of my life.

37. We met online. Crazy, I know. Neither of us were even actively dating online.

38. He was emailed my profile through a website called: truelovehappens.com. It's since non-existant, and was originally called emode.com which was a college quiz site.

39. Apparently he liked my picture. What can I say, I was hot. :P

40. We started emailing, which let to IM's, which let to his asking for a meeting, which I turned down. I was home for Christmas break my junior year.

41. Based on our emails I told my friends: "He is fictional perfection." and even "I'm going to marry this kid."

41. In my final week of break, Tony asked again and I relented, agreeing to a day further in the week, with full intention of not showing up.

42. As the week progressed I decided to give him a shot, I was falling in love with him through his emails. The man that he presented himself to be, I had to look over the typos and grammar errors, but the heart was there. :)

43. I arranged to meet smack dab in the center of a shopping mall. No abductions for me, thank you. I even took precautions to have a friend strategically spy on me, with the plan to walk by us. Either I'd let her pass, or acknowledge her as my dearest friend who I hadn't seen in forever, quickly apologize, thank for the meeting and waltz off with Nadia.

44. The night before our meeting, we spoke on the phone for the first time. He sounded like such a dork! :)

45. Through our conversation we learned that my best friend was his cousin's roommate, a cousin who he spent time with and subsequently befriended my friend! We were able to reference each other off of my friend and his cousin, and thus walked into our meeting the next day for whole new reasons of apprehension.

46. I fell in love with him at the Caribou of the Rosedale Mall, oh yeah, after I met my previously mentioned first love Jonas, at a Caribou a city away. God certainly has a sense of humor. I was able to obtain the closure I so needed, just before walking to the man that He provided for me.

47. I remember making a fool out of myself to Nadia after Tony left. Gushing does not even come close to describing.

48. We were very clear through our emails that we were not into dating for fun anymore. Because honestly, it stops being fun. We established that if one of us thought the other wasn't fit to marry, no hard feelings. Of course that's not the way it turned out.

49. Within 6 weeks were were talking marriage.

50. We just knew.
51. He is the man God created for me. He is my other half, in all aspects.

Know it.

I’m at a crossroads in my life and I’m not quite sure what to make of it.

My whole entire life I had this inner propulsion to be the best, and if not the best, at least the best me that I could be. This lasted me through high school, until it began to falter in college. Oh, I continued to play soccer at high level, and maintained my grades to an above average gpa, but I began to doubt my self worth. This in turn caused me to make some terrible mistakes in college, that I’d be lying if I tried to say have no effect on me today.

I remember my sophomore year of college, quite vividly, sitting on the floor of my room, in front of my mirror, staring at the girl in front of me, who I could no longer recognize. Gone was the outspoken girl of a fierce Christian faith, who knew she could accomplish anything that she desired, fueled by the sheer knowledge that God would see her through and provide the resources. Also missing, the inner radiance and self confidence of someone who knew her place, content with God’s will. In her place, was the reflection of an emotional, physical and spiritually drained wreck, who was forced to mask the absence of inner beauty in any way that she could. I balled that day at those realizations.

I feel like ever since my sophomore year, I’ve tried to fake it. If I fake happiness when I’m serving, I eventually jolly myself into a good mood. I’ve been kidding myself that I can try it in most other areas of my life. And it just isn’t so.

I need an attitude change that can only come from within. Tony deserves better than what I am giving him, and he can’t give enough of himself to make me who I want to be. I need to do a course correct, because this has severe implications in too many aspects of my life right now. I’m more than who I am right now, and I can’t figure out how to get there! But that’s just it, it isn’t for me to change.

Having a vision doesn’t necessarily mean knowing the specifics about what is going to happen next. It has to do with sensing the general directions you’re moving in and having hope that something good is on the horizon. It’s knowing that you do have a future and a purpose, and that it is bright.

POAPW - That's Power of a Praying Wife

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Sometimes we don't doubt God's existence, or whether He is able to help us, we just doubt His desire to have any immediate impact on our lives. Surely He is too busy for my problems, we think. But the truth is, He's not.

I'm not sure how much of my self reliance is self imposed because of this thinking or just because I've learned over time that I should just take care of things, but I definitely do not cast all of my cares onto the broad back of God as I am supposed to.

The message at church on Sunday, was "It would take a miracle to find my purpose." And I knew it was for me. There is no amount of self analysis that will truly guide me to my life's purpose, I need to look to my creator to find what his intention was for me.

Aside from knowing and fearing Him.

Never again, Big Bowl!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Bleh, Nadia and I went out to Rosedale on Friday night and were actually friends. I know, I know shocker. We walked and talked, and walked and talked and finally ended up at Big Bowl at 9:00. It was my suggestion, I've been craving their Sangria and Citrus Curry for some time now. We got the Passion Fruit Pomegranate Sangria and then ordered chicken potstickers and the shrimp and scallop citrus curry to share. Unfortunately about half way through our meal, I just knew something was wrong. I interupted our meal and begged forgiveness from Nadia, only to quickly jet home to bed. No amount of Malox Plus could help me and at about 2:00 I said good bye to my dinner. Ew. I haven't thrown up in so long!

Saturday, luckily, we didn't have any plans, well, excluding Blaine's mandatory Alcohol Awareness class for all servers! So, I:

Went to bed at 10:00
Threw up at 2:00
Got up at 8:30
Class from 9:00-10:45
Back in bed at 11:00
Got up, to move to the couch at 3:00
Lounged until 7:00
Went to my parent's to watch Transformers on their new 40" LCD
Back in bed, and slept throught the night at 11:30

I felt yucky all day, but fortunately felt much better yesterday.

Tony and I checked out the late service at Eaglebrook. I love having a church that close by, that is so dynamic, but Tony and I are still struggling with the "concert worship" and "video message." We need a church that we can plug into, so we're anxiously awaiting the married group to start, but we're going to try out a few other churches before the groups begin in February.

We took a family picture with the IL's at Proex, which of course my Mother in law hated, because she hates pictures of herself, but we got a few good ones.

After a lot of housecleaning, I then left Tony to draw, while I met up with my BS folk. It was a good time reunion.

And now it's Monday.

Friday, December 14, 2007

God says our first steps are to be toward Him. As we look to Him, the glory of His image gets imprinted upon us. When our self-image gets so wrapped up in God taht we lose ourselves in the process, we're free. We want that liberty for our husbands, as well as ourselves.

Lord, could there be a better way to describe the cry of my heart?

We need You. In more ways than we have been willing to admit recently.

We need You. Reveal Yourself to us.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

God has a time for everything and He works in us what needs to be done to prepare us for what is ahead. Having a sense of God's timing brings the peace to wait on the Lord for it.

Lord, you know that I needed this. Tony thinks I'm impatient, while I think I'm the furthest, okay, so sometimes I'm impatient, but I need some movement at work.

Lord, I need you to guide me.


Friday, December 7, 2007

Continuing his trend of roses in observance of our monthly anniversary, Tony sent me roses at work, because of his absence on Wednesday.

I so needed it.

We both feel like we haven't truely talked to each other in months.

We're going on a date tonight. :)

New Wall Art!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I'm so excited I finally have some art to put on the wall by our table. Unfortunately, it still needs to be repainted, because RL Suede does not touch up well.

But here it is in all it's unmatted glory on our dining room table!
Plus the fact that it was only $46! I found the print on flickr.com, even though she's a true artist and charges $100+ for the same on her own site . . . she still had all of her original files on flickr! So I got it printed at kodak.com for $20 and then bought a 60% frame at Michael's on black friday for $26!

Hi girls

So I have two readers, hi there Rachel and AJ.

I'm not quite sure if I should continue to pretend like you're not actually reading, like I've been writing, or if I should just acknowledge that you are there . . . I'm not the best at updating this guy, but when I do, it's usually no holds barred and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with anything that I may share, so I just want you to know that what ever I do post, I'm comfortable with you knowing.


Haha, how's that for opposites AJ, can I try to get any more less attention, rather than more?

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