So have at it.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

So for some completely random reason, this morning as I was on the bus, I was thinking that in a little over a year I could potentially be pregnant. The thought itself isn't that shocking, we talked about it quite a bit and feel like it would be good timing. It's that last little phrase, about timing.

My mind was then a whirlwind of unknowns and surprisingly the two most upsetting revelations were: I don't think my prayer life is up to par with being a mother and who are we to decide what good timing is?

Seriously, if I had a penny, which I know I'm well within my right to appreciate that penny to a dollar or a quarter, but honestly a penny for every time I have heard about my Mom praying for me . . . well you know, I'd be rich. Before she was pregnant with me, while she was pregnant, while she thought of my future spouse, while I was laying in a crib, while I was off doing non dangerous teenage activities that I still can't get her to understand she should be thankful for! She was my prayer warrior. How can I even think to bring a child into this world without knowing that they would have 1/10th of the foundation I had?

To finish. My mind is also reeling at the hypocrisy I felt as I began to pray for God's guidance and wisdom, that next fall whenever we start trying that we will entrust the timing and expectations to Him. Well isn't that nice, I'm saying, God, we don't quite trust you now, so we'll do everything the way we want it, but next fall when we think it might be nice for us, then, then we'll let You take over.

Makes me think the Catholics have got it right, man.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

lol... we went through all of that to :-)

I understand completely about the whole praying thing... but it happens, especially if you desire it to. When you love a child so much, it's so hard NOT to be constantly praying for them.

Now that we're "expecting" I pray CONSTANTLY for our baby, for our birthmom, for the delivery, for her salvation, for everything :-) And I don't even know who this baby is going to be!

This morning I literally came out of my slumber praying that "she" .... lol!! I must have gotten a prophetic vision in my sleep! :-)


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